Dear Emma (2016)

Dear Emma,

I feel like I went to bed one night, and when I woke up, my baby girl had grown into a preschooler. I marvel at the little girl that you've become, and often find myself being that creepy mom who stares at you when you aren't looking, astonished at your existence. The latest development that has been blowing my mind is that you are a miniature version of me, with different facial features. You have the same build as me- thin, with a long torso- and the exact same feet and hands as well.

In one of my recent writings, I mentioned that no one ever explains to you what it's like to know someone in the way that a mother knows her child. I've studied you every single day that I'm with you. I know where your moles are (so cute, I hope you don't hate them when you grow up because I've seriously enjoyed watching each and every one of them appear on your soft skin), I know what your head smells like (it's a mom thing), I know how it sounds when you snore. But I know your mind, too. And aside from the fact that you are stunningly beautiful, with your big, round blue eyes and your kind-of-curly and ambiguously-colored hair and the cutest nose I've ever seen (still don't know where that came from, just consider yourself blessed that you didn't get my nose or daddy's nose), you have an absolutely beautiful mind and soul. As you've grown, your personality has blossomed and I'm getting a feel for who you are as a littler person. And you amaze me. You are smart, and logical. You want to know everything, and you want to know why the world is the way it is. And when you learn something new, you apply it to your life, and gain perspective on everything that surrounds you. When we're in the car, you prefer to look out the window and see all that passes by, asking me questions when you see something that is different or new. In those ways, you're very much like me. You also have an incredible sense of humor and enjoy making everyone laugh. But you also enjoy making people happy in general. I've watched you develop a conscience and the ability to identify the needs of those around you. You are helpful, caring, and sweet, and I'm so proud of everything that you're becoming.

My dearest tater, knowing you and getting to be your mother has been the single greatest joy of my life. I hope you can continue to be the smart, independent, loving, empathetic, curious person that you are, and that the world doesn't dampen your flame. You have the potential for greatness and to make an impact on this world, but it won't be an easy road. That road is paved with heartache and disappointment, as you begin to understand the parts of the world that are ugly and mean. I can't shield you from that, but I hope you always know that I can be your refuge when life gets difficult. I will always be here for you, no matter what. In the same way that I bandage your boo-boos and lay next to you when the power goes out and you're scared... I will be there to help heal your hurt and make you feel safe when the world becomes dark. That's my promise to you as you get older and face this world.

But for now, you are my sweet, tiny little tater. So much of me wishes you could stay little forever... I'll miss your innocent desire to be taller than me, and I'll miss watching you try to figure out in your head how you can someday be older than me. One of the things I'll miss the most as you grow up is you having your filthy Elmo pressed up against your mouth and nose. Some day that Elmo will no longer be needed, but for now, I smile and laugh as you press him to your nose and take one last deep inhale before you throw him back into the car so I can take you into your daycare. You are so quickly growing into a big girl. And while I'll miss so many things about this stage of your life, I am truly excited to see what you achieve in life, and the kind of girl you grow up to be.

I love you more than anything in this universe, and I hope you don't ever doubt that.

Love always,
Mommy