GTFO, 2014.

Nostalgic New Year's Post.... GO!

I just realized it's been nearly three months since I posted anything. It goes without saying that A LOT has changed in that time. However, I did find the beginning of a post I wrote on 10/30 and never finished:

"I don't know how I could be so absent-minded that I would forget to announce to world (yes, the world... somehow I have lots of Russian readers) that the baby had her first ever successful trip to a public potty. OMG HOW COULD I FORGET SUCH NEWS?!

I also don't know how I could forget that my child is unlike any other child that has ever existed, ever. I know, I know... every child is unique and special in their own way and blah blah blaaahhhh. But for real- take every bit of info you've ever heard on what's typical for a child and throw that crap right out the window. i.e. "after you start potty training, don't put a diaper back on the child or he/she will get confused." Ahem, nope. She appears to"

...and that's where I left off. I have no idea why I stopped blogging that night... could have been that the baby woke up, husband wanted to hang out, or... I don't know... I looked up and noticed that one of my wine glasses was out of place in the china cabinet and spent the rest of my night organizing random... no. No that never happens. More than likely, it was option 1 or 2, or I fell asleep face-down on my laptop on the couch. Picture drooling. That.

Anyways, the point I was about to make was that we put the baby (I know, I know, she's not a baby anymore but... sssssshhhhhhh) in a diaper to take her out shopping because she was still afraid of public potties and I didn't want to end up in that freak out omg my kid just peed her pants in the middle of Target moment. When we got to Target, after a few other stops, the kid said "I need to go potty." So I tried taking her and... she did it. I was blown away... and, you know, I didn't have anything with me like an extra diaper or panties or anything of the sort and she wasn't wearing her shoes so I couldn't let her feet touch the floor. So it was an awkward and unplanned process but whatevs. She peed on that damn potty like a boss. Of course we bought her a toy to celebrate. Of course. So yes, my kid is that weirdo that refused to pee in her diaper after being potty trained. Woop.

So then it became a game. Every time we'd go somewhere, she'd announce in her tiny little muppet-like voice "I need to go poooooootty." And we'd try. And sometimes she would go, and sometimes she wouldn't. Side note: you don't truly realize how absolutely gross a public potty is until you're squatting in front of one while holding a tiny two-year-old. She's sitting there thinking it's fun, and I'm trying to find a spot on the wall that doesn't have a mystery stain on it so I can focus on that and not the mystery stains. *vomit* Luckily, she quickly lost interest in going potty in public places and sometimes still gets a little scared of certain public toilets (like at the park) so she only goes if she really really has to.

So potty training: check. She still has an occasional accident and we keep her in a pull up at night and during her naps because I'm not that much of a risk-taker these days. Her pull up is soaked by morning time, so we're nowhere near nighttime potty training. Usually she's dry after her nap but again, not always and that's not a risk I want to take (i.e. short nap and changing pee sheets). I still get this little twinge of excitement when I get home from work and see that she's still wearing the same pants I sent her to school in. Score.

She has officially earned her "tiny human" badge. She is no longer a baby (nonononononono she's still a baby. SHE'S STILL A BABY) and is quite literally a tiny little person who has opinions, wants, struggles (so many struggles), likes and dislikes (more dislikes than likes, these days), an imagination, and a sense of humor. She's a hilarious kid, and intentionally does things to make us laugh. Definitely our child, no doubt.

On the boasty side of business, she knows all of her letters but still gets confused occasionally. X and K get mixed up, for instance. She can sometimes tell you "R for rabbit!" but that's more rote memorization than actually having an understanding of phonics. Thanks, VTech! She can still quantify 2, which she's been doing for a long time ("two Elmos! Two cups!") but beyond that, she hasn't gotten the hang of quantities of 3, 4 etc. Makes bedtime great... I'll go to pick out three or four books and she'll say "I want TWO books!" and I gladly oblige. Although most times I sneak in a third or fourth and she has no clue. She's been speaking in full sentences for longer than I can remember and can hold a conversation. In fact, her verbal skills are off-the-charts still. She's tiny even for a 2 1/2 year old, and often times in public people will hear her speak and will marvel at how tiny she is and how scholarly she sounds (if you ask "how are you today?" she'll answer with "I'm fine, thanks").

Oh yea, and she's almost 2 1/2. So that means: she's constantly whiny, demanding, bossy, and will argue you about the most fundamental black-and-white things. My days are filled with:

"I NEED Elmo!"
"I need to get down!"
"No, it's NOT nighttime" (when it is totally nighttime and there is no disputing it)
"I don't waaaaaaaaaant it"
"Mommy, sit in the chair right now!"

I feel like she taunts me. I dispute your logic, mommy.

One anecdote from last night: I got home from work and the hubs and bubs were already home. Hubs and I were chatting while I put my stuff away and I realized it was quiet. I asked where the baby was, and he said she was probably still exercising in her bedroom (hilarious in and of itself). We both walked into the hallway to her wing of the house (minus the laundry room, that whole part of the house is hers- bathroom, play room, bedroom. It's her palace. We need a sign for it) and as we rounded the corner, we were just in time to see her toss a piece of toilet paper into her old Baby Bjorn pink potty chair and start pulling up her pants IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY. She had gone into one of the hall closets, found her old potty chair, and decided she wanted to pee in it. My guess is that she must have put it down, pulled down her pants, peed, walked into the bathroom to get toilet paper, and then returned to finish her business. I almost cried from laughing so hard.

No one tells you that watching a tiny 2-year-old go potty and wash her hands all by herself is one of the darned cutest things you'll ever see. Aaaaaannnnnnddddddd that sounded kinda creepy. But you know what I mean, right?

Having her in daycare has been great. She's fully adjusted and while she's not always thrilled to go to school, she's blossomed in so many ways. The only not-so-great thing about daycare is the sickies that she brings home. She has single-handedly ravaged my immune system over the last month. The week before Thanksgiving, she woke up at about 6am one morning and started puking. She stopped throwing up by the end of the day, but was feverish and under the weather the next day, which was a Friday. She proceeded to have a cough for weeks afterward, and we took her to the doctor and got some antibiotics to kick the rest of it. She was such a champ at the doctor.. the ARNP said "if all of my two-year-olds were this good, my job would be so easy." She seriously was perfect, even though she was sick. Poor kid. She's finally feeling better, but still has an occasional forceful cough.

**So remember that: puking for one day, feverish and under the weather for another day or two. But still running around (aside from vomiting day) like a maniac.

This started an awful snowball effect of terrible sleep at night. She'd wake up screaming every few hours. I started out by going in and trying to soothe her... rocking her in the rocking chair until she fell back asleep did the trick. But it only got worse. I'd go into her room and she'd be crying and saying "I need a wipe!" (for her nose) or "I need to rock!" so I'd rock her to sleep. It started to get old, and I could see a habit forming. Night after night of getting up and tending to her started to wear on me. Doesn't help that I always stay up way too late to begin with, and was not feeling well myself. Once I knew she was feeling better, I bit the bullet and told her that i wasn't coming back into her room for a wipe or rocking. I eased her into it by rocking her for less time and then stopping. Remember, I never sleep trained my kid. And she's always been a great, independent sleeper. So I knew we would get back to that... I let her cry it out for a bit one night, and it worked pretty well. The next night... awful. She woke up at about 2am (I think? I can't even remember) and spent about an hour and a half crying and repeating "I neeeeeeeed a wiiiiiiipppppe." I was literally on the brink of insanity. I turned the baby monitor volume all the way down (which is still loud, dammit. They need a "mommy needs her sanity but still needs to be able to see the baby" mode) and grabbed my headphones to listen to some music. It was that bad. She was literally just saying "I need a wipe" over and over and over and over again. Forget water boarding. Give a POW my melting down two-year-old for an hour. They'll sing like a bird. But after that night, she slowly stopped getting up in the middle of the night. And all is well *knock on wood* although she fights bed time like crazy now. And sometimes gets up out of bed repeatedly after we put her to bed. But that's to be expected.

The day after she was puking, I went to work and was coughing all day long. That night, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Torturous body aches, a headache that wouldn't go away, chills, fatigue. I wanted the misery to end. Luckily, I had a doctor's appointment the next day (yay for Saturday appointments!). Because, you know, I can't not have something dramatic going on. Take a simple trip to the eye doctor, for instance. The doctor completed the exam and dropped the bomb that I have astigmatism and need to wear glasses or contacts all day. Yippee (the only silver lining is that Tiffany and Co. makes frames now so woop to that). I sat with someone who was helping me pick out frames and she took my blood pressure and.... surprise! It was 180/121. Then it lowered to 177/118. Yay! The doctor hesitated to let me leave, and urged me to go to the hospital. Hell no. It would cost me $600 just to walk through the door. And I'm guessing they would run a bunch of tests to make sure my organs were still functioning properly so I was looking at at least $1000 in medical bills just for my damn blood pressure. Thanks, but no thanks. I ended up sitting at the eye doctor's office for a while, just making small talk with him while he tried to get a hold of my primary care doctor. I finally told him I would go to one of the nearby offices for my job, work from there, and that way I can run over to my doctor if need be or go to the ER. I ended up having my blood pressure checked at the primary care doctor's office and it was still red-alert level and they also encouraged me to go to the emergency room. Again, no thanks. So they scheduled me for a Saturday appointment to talk meds with the ARNP. Thank god, because I felt like I was dying from the flu by the time Saturday rolled around. She prescribed me an anti inflammatory to help bring my fever down because Tylenol wasn't working and I can't take ibuprofen or most NSAIDS. Also gave me a blood pressure med and sent me on my way. I ran out to the car and made hubby get the paperwork and pay the copay because I thought I was going to heave. Ugh, misery. It took me almost a week to start to feel like a human being again... I'm never skipping my flu shot again. Then my cough wouldn't go away, and I'm pretty sure I ended up with bronchitis from it. Another trip to the doctor, this time with a script for a new blood pressure medication that wouldn't cost $70 a month like the previous one would. Except, it makes me sleepy so I'm not taking it anymore. Ugh. I got some meds for my cough and just when I started to feel better it happened. I felt like I had a splinter in my thumb. Then one in my ring finger too... and by the next morning (a Sunday) the bottoms of my feet had sore bumps too. I was officially sporting a Hand Foot and Mouth Disease rash. Day two was the worst. I felt like I was walking on needles, and everything I touched felt like shards of glass. Misery. Agony. Gaaaaaahhhhhh. I went home from work early and soaked in an oatmeal bath which provided a brief bit of relief. Until I got out, and my floor transformed into needles again (and OMG oatmeal baths are gross!). I then slept for a few hours. I was exhausted- the pain actually woke me up in the middle of the night the night before. That day was the worst, and after that it slowly got better. And, you guessed it- just when I started to feel better... bam. "One of the worst UTI's" the urgent care doctor has ever seen. Misery. Torture. Agony. Which all came in within the span of about 5 hours. Yay me. Go big or go home. Although, I just wanted to go home. Grrrr.

So yea. I want to crawl into a hole and hide out for a few months. Send me letters, I'll need something to read.

NOW. Obligatory New Year's post! Can I just say that I'm so excited for 2014 to be over? WORST YEAR EVER.


"1. What did you do in 2014 that you'd never done before?

- too many things I didn't want to do, that's for sure. But I took my first solo plane flight and first solo trip out of state! And it was marvelous.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
- I don't make New Year's resolutions, for good reason.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
- Yep! One of my best friends had her second kiddo recently and she's so stinking adorable I can't handle it.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
- "No. And I'm so completely grateful for another year without a significant loss." that was my answer from last year, and it still stands this year. Whew.

5. What countries did you visit?
- 'Merica.

6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?
- "Free time. My job has consumed my life, and I'm regretting the lack of 'me time'" was my answer from last year. Completed. New job, more free time. Yay! This year's answer: I'd like to have my health back. And more happiness. Less tears.

7. What date from 2013 will remain etched in your memory, and why?
- 3/11/14, my first biopsy; 3/14/14- getting the "we have your biopsy results and you need to come in as soon as possible and bring your husband" phone call; 4/24/14- my first surgery; 4/25/14- Emma has a seizure; 5/2/14- the "cancer... remission... oncologist" visit with my doctor; 6/17- my hysterectomy, 7/2- bleeding profusely and going into shock.
None of those are good dates. 2014 sucked.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- I got another promotion at work! Livin' the good life now. Oh, and I didn't die. I feel like, considering the crap I went through this year, that's a huge effin' accomplishment. And I'm pretty sure I champed through my surgeries like a boss... I was up and walking around within a couple of hours of coming out of anesthesia after my hysterectomy. LIKE A BOSS. And potty training the kiddo. *bicep flex*

9. What was your biggest failure?
- Being healthy? Not bleeding profusely after a surgical procedure? Finishing the damn artwork I've been working on for Emma's room.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
- Obvious answer here. Moving along...

11. What was the best thing you bought?
- Wow these were much easier to answer last year... hmmmm. I guess my iPhone 6. 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
- A lot of people, actually... my big brother, who always checked in with me to make sure I was ok, and was genuinely concerned for my health. We haven't always been close, but over the last few years he's been so supportive in my most trying times. My in-laws, who were always willing to watch the baby so we could have a break. My step-mother-in-law, who came up to our house on short notice at like 10:00 at night (when she had to work the next day!) so someone could be with the baby overnight without having to wake her up, so Josh could rush me to the cancer center while I was bleeding out (literally, omg still traumatized by that). My parents, who also helped tremendously with watching the kiddo during the week and driving up to my office to pick her up and drop her off, which was so helpful. And my mom for making an hour-long drive to my house a few times to watch the baby so I could rest and recover. Some of my coworkers, who supported me when I was sick, let me vent when I was stressed out, and made me laugh on my darkest days. 

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
- "Let's not go there." ditto from last year.

14. Where did most of your money go?
-  Medical bills. So many medical bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- Christmas with Emma. And never having a period again! Hah.

16. What song will always remind you of 2014?
-  Ugh, I don't know.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder: Sadder in some ways, happier in others, if that makes any sense. It was a really trying year in so many ways.
Thinner or fatter? Maybe thinner still? I don't remember how much I weighed this time last year, but I know I haven't gained all of my weight back. Some, though! With my health issues, I went all the way down to 92 or 93 pounds. Definitely not good.
Richer or poorer? Richer. Pay increase, paid off one car. Cheaper insurance for the kiddo... but daycare. So maybe we're about even. Feels like we're ballin' though... jk jk.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
- "Blogging. Crafting." ditto. And taking time off work that wasn't related to medical issues. 

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
- BLEEDING. omg. And being in a hospital/doctor's office/cancer center

20. How did you spend Christmas?
- "Christmas Eve at my parents' house. Then gifts at home on Christmas morning. Then Christmas afternoon/evening at the in-laws' house." same routine this year. Except way more enjoyable, because Emma had so much more fun. She even did a present-opening dance Christmas Eve because she was so excited. 

21. Did you fall in love in 2014?
-  it was a trying year, for sure. But somehow through all of it, I have fallen in love with my hubby all over again :) 

22. How many one-night stands?
- "Zero. Point. Zero." and this is never going to change. I may take this question off for next year.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
-  "The Office" and "Parks and Recreation" FOR SURE. 

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
- I still don't hate anyone, but there are some people that I've willingly deleted from my life.

25. What was the best book you read?
- I was slackin' on my book reading. But "Gone Girl" is pretty good so far. I'll go with that.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
- I don't think I had one this year... sad! Lots of great music, but no "discovery"

27. What did you want and get?
- My new job. Effing yes.

28. What did you want and not get?
- Well I always want diamonds... 

29. What was your favorite film?
- "I'm not sure what movies I watched this year! Bah!" This is always going to be a problem for me. I really liked "The Lego Movie" (hah!) and The Hunger Games, duh.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
- I continued my streak of terrible birthdays. I was three days out from surgery. I spent the majority of the day in bed, in pain. That was it. No birthday celebrations at all this year. But hubby bought me a nice massage table that he gave to me early so we could use it before I wasn't able to lie on my tummy for weeks on end.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying?

- To be honest, the year wasn't immeasurably satisfying. But, having my family and being alive today are wonderful things :) 

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
- "Working professional by day, mom by night" pretty much sums it up. I finally ditched the idea of putting on makeup for a quick shopping trip. I've finally made the transition to skinny jeans. And I'm definitely dressing more for my body- finding things that fit better and aren't too big on me.

33. What kept you sane?
- My friends, for sure. 

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
- Chris Pratt. Swoon.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
- Marriage equality. And companies having more rights than women. Ugh.

36. Who did you miss?
- My best friend! Saying goodbye to her was the most sad moment of the whole year. We could't let go of each other... but seeing her again was one of the most joyful moments of the year as well.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
- Some people at work who quickly became friends. 

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014:
- I am in control of my own happiness. I can let something destroy me, or I can conquer it and move on.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
- "Even the stars, they burn. Some even fall to the earth. We've got a lot to learn, but God knows we're worth it"

Wine for Whining

Things this mommy can make with Play-Doh:
Balls
Small balls
Blueberries
Pancakes
Bowls
Marshmallows
The end.

Playing with Play-Doh makes me feel like an untalented idiot. Especially thanks to my artistically inclined husband, who can make almost anything the baby asks for. So every time the baby and I sit down with Play-Doh, she starts asking for me to make lizards, people, teeter-totters, etc.... and I'm all like "let me make you a blueberry!" I redeem myself with the xylophone and my bedtime rendition of "Rockabye Baby."

By the way, this could very well be my first blog post written while consuming wine. So... sorry if it's obvious. I guess it couldn't be much worse than blogging while post-op and under the influence of narcotics. Although I'm already sensing that my typing skills are worse with wine than they were with the narcotics... #backspaceismybestfriend

Is there an anonymous support group for mothers of two-year-olds? Somewhere I can go and hang my head in shame while admitting the thoughts that run through my head as I'm chasing a screaming toddler through the house and shouting "put down the pool noodle!" and "no Goldfish!" In my mind, the other moms at said support group would all hug me and say "it's ok, girl, we've all been there" and then hand me wine and life gets better. Does that exist? It should.

Because right now, parenting this monster is NOT EASY. Omg, it's downright exhausting.

So crazy baby started daycare at the beginning of September- I found a nice little home daycare not too far out of the way from my new job (woop! Got a sweet new job with the same pay and 25% of the stress. Score.) and we took the plunge and enrolled her. I wasn't freaking out about the transition as much as I thought I would, which is most likely due to the fact that I was so crazy busy at work that I didn't have time to stress over anything else. I also figured she was in good hands, and for some reason knew I didn't need to worry. Day 1 was great. Day 2 was meh. And after that... this kid caught on to the fact that Mommy would leave and not come back until much later. Then started the crying when I would leave, and it broke my heart. So I tried to keep the goodbyes sweet and simple, and reminded her that I would be back. And just over the last week, she has made major progress with the drop-offs. She started to be alright with me leaving if I handed her off to one of the daycare ladies- if I tried to put her down, she'd dig my heels into my stomach and try to crawl up higher on me. And UGH my belly button is still sore from surgery and she reminded me of that. Thanks, kid. Anyways- I was actually able to put her down before leaving twice within the last week and she didn't have a fit. Progress!

Oh, and potty training. OMG GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH it's awful. Considering the fact that I did the most awesome thing by putting my child in daycare like two months after starting potty training (sarcasm!) I can't really complain too much. Two big transitions at the same time... yikes. She regressed a bit last week and started having multiple accidents per day, to the point that she was being sent home in a diaper and t-shirt because she peed through all of the extra pairs of shorts and underwear I sent in her daycare bag. I did LOTS of laundry last week. She started peeing in her highchair every.damn.time at daycare and at home, even if she had just peed right before sitting down. I think that's finally starting to subside. And of course, at home I wouldn't realize it until I picked her up and felt the lovely warmth and wetness through my shirt, because I don't learn these things very quickly and it takes like 5 pee-pee shirts for me to figure out that I need to check her BEFORE picking her up. Grrr. But she did better this weekend, and better today too. Fingers crossed.

Two weekends ago was just awful. I don't know if it was molars, being two-years-old, the universe being out to get me again, being overtired, or a combination of all of those, but she was hell-on-wheels all weekend long. Here's an example of what I was dealing with:

Emma: "Play with Play-Doh!"
*mommy puts the baby in the high chair and gives her Play-Doh*
Emma: NoooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOO!!!! *screams bloody murder and cries*

I literally could not keep her happy at all. I found myself looking at the clock, counting the hours until it was bedtime. And ugh, I felt guilty about that. I should enjoy every second with my screaming two-year-old, right? I should be hugging and kissing on my sweet little miracle baby every second, even when she's trying to slap me and is laughing in my face to mock me the entire time, right? Right?

I love her, I really do.

Because in between the "NO, I DON'T WANT IT!" and "NO POTTY!" moments, she's stinking adorable. Who am I kidding, sometimes I have to hide my smile when she's in a crappy mood because she's even adorable when she's raging angry. Sometimes. But mostly, I take a deep breath and envision myself hopping on the first flight to the Bahamas, then sitting on a beach while a bartender pours me cold drinks and someone fans me with a palm frond, while yet a third person feeds me junk food and no one judges me at all.

The craziest development is that we can have full conversations with her now, and she tells us about what happened during her day at school. She'll even randomly start telling us something that another child at daycare did... apparently one day, her little bunk-mate tried to lay on Emma's nap mat. What a jerk. Emma can hold her own, though... just today, she was telling me that her friend from school was going to work. I asked where, and she said in the daycare owner's car. I asked if she worked there too, and she said yes. So my guess is that the two of them are running some kind of toddler Chop Shop and are slowly selling the parts to the daycare lady's car. If her car mysteriously stops running, I'm going to have to call the cops on my own child.

Another new development: dolls and dress-up! Girly things, yay! She doesn't really play with her baby dolls, per se, but has this one Pottery Barn doll with long legs that she has lovingly named "Cheese" and totes around sometimes at home. She puts her in the high chair and buckles her in, then "feeds" her and gives her milk from a sippy cup. She'll also put Cheese to bed and give her goodnight kisses and sing her songs (just like I do, which is soooooooooo freaking adorable that I melt into a little puddle of goo), and puts her in her little doll stroller and walks her around the house. She crashes a lot, though... poor Cheese. Cheese. LOL. And dress up! She likes to put on a little dress-up skirt and twirl like a ballerina until she gets dizzy and falls down, at which point I laugh at her and tell her she's beautiful.

I wish I could bottle her energy and take hits of it during the day... I swear she's like a toddler tornado, especially at night, and I can't figure out how it's even possible some days. I spend the better part of every evening trying to prevent her from killing herself/breaking things/killing the dog/killing me.

And I honestly wouldn't change it for the world. The other day, I realized that I was mindlessly stepping over a pool noodle that was lying in the middle of the master bedroom floor (my house isn't messy, but you can tell a very spoiled two-year-old lives here). Like it was no big deal that there was a POOL NOODLE on the floor in my bedroom. I chuckled, and put that thing where it belongs- in the living room. lol. I don't believe that pool noodle has actually been in a pool for even a second of its life... the baby just likes to run around the house waving it around and almost breaking everything. Come to think of it, that sucker is going in the garage tonight.

Oh, and she HATES bedtime now. Score one for jinxing myself on that! Woo! Some nights she cries and refuses to lay down (but always does because I'm mom and I have more willpower than an overtired two-year-old) but mostly she stalls like crazy. She knows I'm a sucker for kisses, so she usually ones one more kiss and one more hug and sing songs in the bed and sing songs in the chair. She thinks she's clever, but I'm on to her. Although, admittedly, I give in to one more kiss every night. Because who wouldn't want one more kiss from that adorable face?

Oh, and I'm feeling pretty fan-freaking-tastic these days. I'm sure it's a combination of things right now, but not having that pesky uterus has been amazing. My pain has decreased tremendously, although I do have some bad days where things just hurt for no apparent reason. But otherwise, I'm feeling wonderful! My bellybutton is still sore when pressed or when I stretch out during yoga but that's the only lingering reminder of my surgery, other than the scars. Which aren't too bad, but are high enough that they stick out from underneath my swimsuit :(

And scene. Time for bed, so that I can prepare myself for another week of chasing around an insane toddler.

Changes

I'm somehow short on whit tonight. So this post is going to be bland like white toast with no butta.

Some of my favorite Emma things:
-She puts her stuffed animals to sleep by covering them up with a blanket, whispering "night night" and giving them little kisses
- She soaps her little potbelly in the bathtub by squishing soap out of her loofah and rubbing her hands all over her belly
- When she wakes up in the morning, she rolls around in bed singing to herself, and says "good morning!" when I come in to get her
- She says "happy birthday Emma" when she's really happy about something
- Her new favorite TV watching spot is on her bean bag chair, fully reclined and lounging like a pro
- She does jazz hands and fist bumps
- When she's pretending to use a phone, she says "hellllo. hey! ...... yes...."

Emma updates!

Language: There's no stopping this kid, now. She's on to full sentences... and by "full" I mean... well, full. And often grammatically correct. Like "Mommy's hair is wet" or "take this one off" or "Put it on the tray." She uses prepositions and articles, y'all. She's a genius in my eyes. But seriously... it's pretty stinkin' cute to hear all these words flying out of her little mouth all day. Sometimes I just want one minute without hearing her jammering on about anything and everything, but that's when I turn on "Bubble Guppies" and we both zone out and start drooling for a bit. I also find it highly entertaining when her brain operates quicker than her mouth can move, and she tries so hard to spit out the words she's thinking in her head. Gah! I love her little flapping mouth. Oh! And she's asking questions, too. Like "what was that?" and "did you see that?" She had been asking "where's Elmo" for a little while, but these new questions didn't start until about two weeks ago. We can now have real conversations with her, in which we ask questions and she answers appropriately. And not just us asking her what color something is, but asking what she did during the day, or having a conversation about what we're going to do later. She has an amazing memory, too. She can remember things that happened days ago, and even recalled the color of a boat ride she went on at the mall with Grammy.

She completely blew me away today... it was the first time in a while that my jaw dropped and I thought no. Way. There's no way that just happened. So, for her birthday, we bought her a wooden alphabet puzzle. It's a wood tray with cutouts for each letter. We haven't played with it in weeks, so I brought it out for her to play with. I started picking up letters and asking if she knew what each one was, fully expecting her answers to always be "p!" or "cup!" or something like that (for some reason, any time I'd ask her what letter something was, she'd always answer with "p"). I held up a "B" and she said "p" so I thought that was a sign of what was to come. But no. I held up the letter "A" and she said "ah" It turned out not to be a coincidence. Now, understand that I don't sit there quizzing my kid on letters at all, and we don't make it a routine to go through the alphabet. She can sing the alphabet song, but that's WAY different than recognizing the letters. She got most of the letters wrong, but some of them she got right. Like R, J, Q, D, M, P, T, and Y. I was shocked and amazed... and she was so proud of herself. When I held up the J, she said "J! Jellyfish!" and then I figured it out. Hubby bought her a LeapFrog laptop recently and it teaches letters by showing the letter, making the sound, and saying/showing an animal that starts with that letter. J was jellyfish. OMG. That  basically means that she applied what she had learned from the laptop to her alphabet puzzle. Incredible.

Health: She doesn't seem to be having any more staring episodes *knock on wood* so I hope that's just a thing of the past. I did have to take her to the doctor two weeks ago when she woke up and complained about her arm hurting, and spent an entire hour crying and clinging to me. Which is so highly unlike her, that it had be incredibly worried. I thought maybe her arm was asleep, but when 45 minutes passed and she screamed when I tried moving her arm, I figured something else was up. By the time I got her to the doctor, she wasn't screaming any longer but was not using it at all- it was her right arm, and she's very clearly right-handed. She was SO GOOD at the appointment and let the doctor squeeze and manipulate her arm without protesting a single bit. She finally realized she could move it, and starting acting normal again. The doctor thought she may have slipped her elbow out of place, or compressed a nerve while sleeping. She's been fine ever since. Whew! Otherwise, she's healthy!

Food: Ah, yes. Food. I've been very open about the fact that figuring out what to put in this kid's mouth has been the most challenging part of parenting for me. I think I figured out the sleep thing relatively easily, and even potty training has been somewhat easy-peasy. But feeding her has been reminiscent of a calculus problem. i.e. a whole lot of convoluted steps, having to start over again and again, and still never getting it right. Ever. She's been improving, but still goes through phases of not wanting to eat much of anything. I've finally gotten her to a decent toddler diet of chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese, any and all fresh fruit, PB&J, yogurt, crackers, corn, fruit and veggie pouches, bread in any form, graham crackers, fruit peel, applesauce, cereal, cheese, etc. Those are the staples. She'll sometimes eat a hot dog in a bun, and for some reason really enjoys spicy food. I made some somewhat-spicy Korean beef for dinner last week and she happily ate some of the onions and kept asking for more. She even ate a little bit of the beef, but still has difficulty chewing meat. She really likes buffalo chicken. I think most of her issues are textural- I do think she likes the taste of broccoli, but she just can't get past the texture. She'll put some in her mouth, chew it a bit, spit it out, then put it back in her mouth again until she finally gives up and spits it out for good. She'll get there, and I'm much less worried than I had been before. She did choke on a small meatball one day when hubby was giving her lunch and I almost died of a heart attack. Hubby kept his cool and got her to dislodge it, but the poor thing was so terrified that we both needed a good long snuggle until she calmed down. Good thing hubby has his EMT background. I'm having to restrict her fruit peel eating now because she has decided not to chew it, and almost choked on that today. She doesn't like chewing her mac n cheese, either. Ugh. Oh, and I'm pretty proud of the fact that we haven't raised a juice-head. She drinks water and milk, and nothing else and doesn't seem to care about what she's missing. Woop!

Potty training: Drum roll please... She's potty trained! Ish. I don't know what the real definition is, because it seems like it's different to everyone. According to one local daycare, being potty trained means going two weeks without an accident, including during naptime. So in that respect, no, she is not potty trained. She still has an accident every few days and sometimes wakes up with a wet diaper after her nap. Like today, except it's worth mentioning that she slept for over three hours so waking up wet was to be expected. She clearly has the concept down, and is now starting to hold her pee until she can get to a potty. She started having an accident when we got home the other day, but stopped herself and finished peeing in the potty. She had a strong preference for the "little potty" AKA a Baby Bjorn potty chair, but has now started using the potty seat on the big potty pretty consistently. So today, the "little potty" went away to a little baby's house to help another baby learn to use the potty since Emma is a big girl and can use the big potty. Actually, it's lying on its side at the bottom of the hall closet. God only knows that we may need that thing again if she decides she's afraid of the big potty once more. I tried hiding it in the past, and she threw a holy fit about not pooping in the big potty and, surprise! Mommy found the little potty, even though it had already gone to another baby's house! Luckily she's only 2 so she doesn't quite yet know how much of an idiot I am. I'd give it until she's at least 3 until she catches on to that. But anyways, it was really nice not to have to wash and dry that stupid potty chair 10 times today. It was bad enough having to clean pee off the big potty and the floor when she sprayed over the top of the splash guard. Today, I learned that splash guards are not just for boys.
Now if I can just get her to tell me when she has to pee, we'll be all fine and dandy. She'll tell me when she has to poop, but hasn't fully connected with the sensation of a full bladder. In time... of course I'd like to gloat about how I'm such an awesome parent because my kid is almost potty-trained just after her 2nd birthday but... nah. It really has no reflection on my parenting ability at all. I got lucky to have a smart kid who realized she didn't like diapers anymore. And who is a sucker for Bubble Guppies and Elmo panties.

So... she's headed to daycare in a little over a week. OMG! It's time, though... we had always talked about signing her up when she turned 2, but I guess I needed a little extra nudge to actually go through with it. I accepted a position within my agency in another program that's farther from home, and in a direction that would entail LOTS of extra driving if I continued to drop her off with relatives for the day. We are going to be saving about $200 per month on her health insurance now, and I got a pay increase at work. Hubby will be getting a raise soon, and we'll no longer be dumping an extra $150 per month into our old house, so we can finally shell out the money needed to pay for daycare. It all kind of came together juuuuuuuust right. So I found a little home daycare nearby and checked it out, and it seems like just what Emma needs. She'll get to be around other children and some older children, she won't be in the car for up to 2 hours each day, and she'll finally have some consistency.  AND. Meals are included, so I can actually get her out of bed in the morning and head out the door without begging and pleading for her to just please eat something for breakfast so mommy can get to work. It's a win-win, although I know she'll miss her grandparents. Obviously it'll be a big transition for all of us, but I know she'll be fine. She always is.

Mommy stuff: A big thanks to everyone who has supported me over the last 6 months of my life. It has been crazy, to say the least. I cannot describe how relieved I feel to finally put my troubles behind me... I am starting to move on, and it feels wonderful. I had a follow-up with my regular OB-Gyn to talk about some hormone therapy because my ovaries were so jacked up to begin with. Ironically, she put me back on birth control... so, yes. I'm on birth control post-hysterectomy. I already feel better, though, so the plan is working. During that appointment, she said she read my final pathology and completely agreed that the hysterectomy was necessary and it was a good thing we went that route. I would have ended up having one anyways, once they found that my glandular cells had been affected. She said that the medical community frowns upon an OB-Gyn doing a hysterectomy on someone so young, but that if the oncologist recommended it, then it was a different story. She also said she read the notes about my subsequent hospitalization and was blown away that I had complications again, and that I was not diagnosed with a bleeding disorder. I told her that I haven't, for a single second, regretted having the hysterectomy. And that's true... I'm so glad it's done and over with. I smirk every time I see an ad or a coupon for tampons. I'm all like, haha! Never have to buy those again!  I realized that I've had four surgeries in five years just for my reproductive system... that's bonkers. But, no more! Unless these darned ovaries decide to become problem children... ugh.

So that's that. My little darling is so cute that I can hardly stand it. I just love her to pieces, and then some. So cheers to some hopefully positive changes. Consistency and friends for Emma, and some reduction in stress and increase in appreciation for mommy.

Potty Training, Days 2-5

Dear Future Self,
I imagine that you could be reading this post because you're feeling nostalgic and want to see just how much has changed between now and whenever you're reading this. OR, you could be desperately searching for answers on what was different during these first few days of potty training so you can figure out how the heck to get this kid to use the potty consistently. Well. No answers here, so don't waste your time. But you knew this wasn't going to be easy and the fact that it started off well should have been a huge indication that it wasn't going to end well. Am I right? Are you nodding your head while wiping away the tears of defeat? How many pairs of soggy toddler underwear did you wash today? Now how many glasses of wine have you consumed/will you consume today? Just remember- she's stubborn, strong-willed, and determined to be right. Just like you... so put those Pampers back on her adorable little butt and start again some other time. Days 2-5 were a fluke.
Love,
July 18th Self.

No, really. I don't get this lucky... it has to be a fluke. Once the baby/toddler realizes that it's not really fun to use the potty, she'll go right back to pissing whenever and wherever she wants. I'm just waiting for that to happen, but silently praying that, for once, I got lucky. Ok, ok. Not "for once." She's such a fantastic, smart, and amazing little child and I'm certainly lucky to have her. Shoot... if I really think about it, she's been pretty easy-going in a lot of ways- I was terrified of the bottle weaning, and she handled it like a champ, extremely nervous about transitioning to the toddler bed, and she only got out of bed repeatedly for one night, and only once the night after that, and she goes to bed pretty darned well for a 2-year-old. And by that, I mean that she "sleep stalls" a little... while we pick out books, she tries to keep picking more. On the way out of her playroom after picking books, she has to touch and try to play with every toy she passes. Then she wants to wander into the living room. Reading most of her books just once is not enough. After the books are read, she sits in her bed but doesn't want to lie down right away. Then she wants just one more song. ABCD! Rockabye Baby! Oh, and kisses! Because she knows I can't resist those.

Anyways.

Potty training day 1 was an unexpected success. I figured day 2 would be worse but... nope. She did great again- just one accident when she peed in her pants while playing. She was overdue for a poo, and I knew she had to go. Since she had been hiding in her new tent to poop in her diaper prior to potty training, I had a stroke of genius (I thought it was such a stupid idea at the time but I was determined to not clean poop out of a pair of underwear if at all possible) and moved her potty chair into her tent. She sat down, and pooed. It was amazing. What wasn't amazing was when we came back to get her potty chair after going into the bathroom to wipe her bum and found the dog emptying the poo from the potty. OMG gross. Gross gross gross. Bleh. (we'll reminisce on that one day. "Remember when the dog ate the baby's poo out of her potty chair?" *sigh*)

Day 3- we had plans for a play date at an indoor play place, so I figured putting her in underwear would be a terrible idea and so I slapped a diaper on her little bum. She pooed almost immediately, and I figured she took the opportunity because she's much more comfortable doing it that way. When we got home, I put her on the potty before her nap and... surprise! She pooed on the potty. I couldn't believe it. She had one pee in her panties, but the rest of it landed in the potty. Whew.

Day 4- her first poopy pants. What a mess... I read that you're supposed to empty the poo into the potty to remind her that it's where her poo is supposed to go. After getting poo on the back of the potty seat, on the floor, on my hand, and all over her underwear, I realized that this was not a good idea. She was probably snickering on the inside while watching me fumble with her soiled underwear. In my mind, I was begging her to not touch the poo. For the love of God DO NOT TOUCH THE POO. This was also the day that she decided to test my parenting skills big time by running away from me every time I tried to put her panties and shorts back on her. I tried sitting her in the corner, wrangling her, using my stern voice, and using telekinesis but nothing was working. Finally, I wised up and brought out my phone. I sat on the stool in the bathroom and surfed the internet and told her we could go play when she was ready to put on her shorts. She would come over to me and ask for her shorts, then run away again and laugh. I'd shrug my shoulders and return to internet surfing. She then came over and tried to look at my phone, and asked to watch videos of herself (OMG she's so vain) but I told her we would do that in her play room after she put her shorts on. A few minutes later, she asked for her shorts and very obediently allowed me to put them on her. Score one for mommy... I still have more willpower than a 2-year-old. Her poopy pants ended up being her only accident of the day.

Day 5 (today)- her first real trip outside of the house without a diaper on. I dropped her off with my parents, which is an hour drive from my house. In my mind, I weighed the pros and cons of diaper butt vs. panties. I ended up thinking screw it, it's better to see what happens now instead of chancing it after I go back to work. So I put her in her Bubble Guppy panties with a vinyl cover under her shorts, and sat her on a hand towel in her car seat. When we got to my parents' house, her shorts were a little wet. I picked her up, and apparently her shorts were wet enough to get pee on my shirt. Awesome. I spent a whole day with secret pee on my shirt. Oh yea- and my cami under my tank top had a secret makeup stain on it because Emma decided to grab my (open) foundation bottle off the counter and whip it around, causing liquid foundation to splatter on the wall, the mat, the cabinets, the baby, and the mommy. I figured it would be hidden under my tank top, so I did the awesome mom thing and let it ride. It was my little secret- I had pee and makeup on my clothes and no one knew. Anyways. She had actually put what appeared to be a full bladder's worth of pee into her underwear during the car ride, and the vinyl cover did its job for the most part and kept the majority of it inside. That was her one and only accident of the day. Before we left the house this morning, she was sitting on the potty and asked me to put "potty in tent!" so I figured she needed to poo. I held up a towel to give her some privacy without me having to leave the bathroom and... plop plop plop. Worked like a charm. So no poopy pants today, and she went potty like a big girl at my parents' house all day. She even woke up from her nap with a dry diaper (we're still diapering during naps and at bedtime).

So that's that. Is my child potty trained? Nope. She's not. I make it a point to put her on the potty every 30-45 minutes. If I ask her if she needs to go, her answer is always "nnnnoooooo" but she'll end up peeing on the potty anyways. She has never told me that she needs to go. And I think it'll be awhile before she gets to that point... but I'm not turning back now. My wallet will very much appreciate not having to buy 150+ diapers every month on top of the overnight diapers. So... whatevs. I'll be a slave to the clock and remembering to announce "it's potty time" a hundred times a day. I'm sure it'll get old, and I'm sure she'll one day decide that using the potty is for losers and get all "Billy Madison" on us and think it's cool to pee her pants. And then I'll come to read this blog post, and convince myself that I'm wrong and that there's something different I could/should do to get this kid to be potty trained. Because that's how I do.

Potty Training Day 1

I haven't quite figured out if it's normal to feel emotional when potty training your one-and-only child, or if it's these darned post-hysterectomy hormones that are messing with my feelings. But today felt bittersweet. Bitter because my sweet Emma took yet another big step towards preschoolerdom and away from babyhood. And sweet because the end of buying diapers is approaching.

The pediatrician gave us the go-ahead to start potty training when Emma was 18 months old, because her verbal skills were advanced and she seemed to be pretty aware of things in general. I didn't quite feel she was ready at that point, but started the conversation with Emma. This is why she happily shouts "Yay mommy!!" every time a toilet flushes. I figured she needed to know that going to the potty is a good thing. As time went on, I realized that the only way she was going to start using the potty was for her to become uncomfortable doing it any other way. You see, she couldn't care less if her diaper is wet or poopy. It doesn't bother her one bit. That's probably my fault- we invested in high-quality diapers that keep her bum dry even when they've soaked up a grapefruit-sized amount of urine. But I have no explanation as to why she's not bothered by a poopy diaper... that kid. We've found some "stealth poops" far too often, where she poops and carries on like nothing happened. If we miss the squatting and grunting, she runs around in a poopy diaper for God knows how long. Especially if it's not a stinky one... so we expect to change a wet diaper, and surprise! There's poop. And Emma is all like whatevs. 

We've been having her sit on the potty before her bath at night, and starting a few days before my surgery, she began peeing in the potty about 50% of the time. She never asks to use the potty, but will sometimes sit on it if we ask her to. The first time she peed, she was home with Daddy while I went to pack up my office for the move to a new building. According to Daddy, the baby was a little unnerved by peeing in the potty and wasn't quite sure it was ok. Daddy got way excited and celebrated her accomplishment with her. The next time she did it, she was a little less bothered, and after that, she was just fine. She connected it with the "yay mommy!" celebration and finally started getting excited for herself when she would pee in the potty. But yet, she still wouldn't seek out the potty. I mean, why would she take time out of watching "Elmo's World" for the eleven thousandth time to pee in the potty when she can just pee in her diaper any time she wants? Doesn't sound like a half-bad gig.

After doing some (ok, a LOT) of reading, I decided that the boot-camp style of potty training would be best for all of us. My plan: to just put her in panties and see what happens. With the expectation of lots of accidents, and the hope that she'd hate having pee run down her leg so she would finally have a reason to use the potty. As of right now, we're not going to be using Pull-Ups. Shoot, Pull-Ups are so close to diapers, that we might as well just use up the rest of the diapers we have for naps and bed time. We stocked up on Gerber training pants, some Bubble Guppies panties, and some vinyl covers. Of course it's nearly impossible to find anything in her size- she's so tiny, and most stores only carry 2T or bigger. I had to order her 18mo size training pants and some size small vinyl covers online, and bought her 2T Bubble Guppies panties that are obviously too big. So far, the Gerber training pants have been AWESOME. They fit more like boy shorts and the extra padding in the crotch means a little less pee to clean out of the carpet. The only thing left to purchase are some piddle pads for the car seats.

Since this is my last week before I return to work after my surgery, I decided to give potty training a try. I mentally prepared myself as much as possible. Remember: I'm a total rookie at this.

Other potty training prep:

Took the baby to Target in the morning and bought her a special Elmo (of course) potty book.
Told the baby a million times that today is "potty day" and that she wasn't going to wear diapers because she was going to pee in the potty.
Laid down a bunch of old towels in the play room to hopefully reduce the amount of urine that would soak into the carpet during accidents.
Placed the Spot Shot in a strategic location.
Put a roll of paper towels next to said Spot Shot bottle.
Said a prayer
Crossed my fingers
Promised myself I wouldn't start drinking until after the baby went to bed

So once we got home from Target, I asked her which panties she wanted to wear. Cupcakes? Nooo. Owls? Noooooo. Pink? No. Bubble Guppies?????? Nah. Alright then fine... cupcakes it is. I sat her on the potty and....... toots. No pee. The cupcake panties went on and I braced myself for what was to come. She sat on my lap at one point so I could read her a book and I held my breath and thought omg pleeeaaaaasssseeee don't pee on me, kid. And she didn't pee on me. Crisis averted.

On my third attempt of putting her on the potty, she peed. It surprised her, but I immediately starting praising her. She has a habit of sitting for a few moments, and then standing up and sticking her face down near the potty (we're using a Baby Bjorn potty chair at home) to see if anything is in there. So once some pee landed in the potty, she stood up to look at it. I sat her back down, and she finished emptying her (tiny) bladder. Score!! I acted like a serious idiot and praised the heck out of her. She was genuinely excited... either that, or she was incredibly entertained at how much of a fool I was being. Regardless, it was a small victory. I kept sitting her on the potty every 20-30 minutes. About an hour after the first pee, she did it again. In the potty. More idiotic dancing and celebrating ensued. Then she ate lunch, and the diaper went back on for nap time.

Ugh, I know. Most of the "potty training boot camp" style methods tell you to stop using diapers and never look back but... I couldn't bring myself to put her to bed in panties. Even with a vinyl cover, I wasn't so sure she'd stay dry. And omg she's a nightmarish tornado of hyperactivity and not-listening-to-mommy-ness when she hasn't had a good nap, so I'll be darned if she's going to take a short nap because she woke up wet. SO. On went the diaper. She stirred a lot during her nap, so I kept thinking she was done sleeping, but she actually slept for almost 3 hours. I had to go in and wake her up, which is very unusual, especially since she slept until almost 8am today. I did the creepy mom thing and watched her sleep for a few minutes before waking her up. And her diaper was DRY! So once she shook off the remaining sleepiness, I took her into the bathroom and she peed on the potty again. Again! We were on a roll. About 30 minutes later, she had her one-and-only accident for the day. She was sitting on the floor playing, and peed a little in her panties. It wasn't even enough to get on the carpet. She actually said "oh noooo poop!" so I freaked out and thought she was pooping in her panties. Nope. "Just pee-pees." I reminded her that pee goes in the potty and not in her panties and switched her to her owl panties just to mix things up a bit.

So the final tally was: 6 pees in the potty. 1 pee in her panties. Her only poo of the day happened before we went to Target, so it landed in her diaper. I am NOT looking forward to tomorrow's morning poo, which will most certainly land in her panties. I think it's going to take a little while before she willingly poops in the potty, because she's gotten it in her head that poop is gross and bad. I imagine she may even be a poo-withholder. So fingers crossed.

And our success didn't stop there. She actually chowed down on a hot dog in a bun tonight. I know most toddlers eat hot dogs, but she's never really gotten into it. And we all know how much of a picky eater she has been... She ate about half of her hot dog tonight, with some sweet corn on the side. Woo! She was also so well behaved all day. I mean, she's a really good kid almost every day but come on, she's two. She has tantrums and is really freaking stubborn sometimes. But today, she was exceptionally good and only had two tantrums when it was lunch time and she was hungry. She was a perfect angel in Target. It was one of those rare awesome days when things go really well. Doesn't happen often with a toddler.

She's certainly not a baby anymore. And while I miss holding her in my arms and giving her a bottle, rocking her to sleep, and hearing all of the sweet little baby noises she used to make, I'm also going to enjoy not changing diapers. And I'm definitely loving her saying "I love you mommy" and doing things like helping with chores, being incredibly adorable in the way only a toddler can be, and having conversations with me. That's what videos are for- any time I need my baby fix, I can just watch old videos of her gurgling and going cross-eyed while I'm thinking awwwww, she was so cute. But I'm so glad I'm not drenched in spitup today. Maybe my feelings will change tomorrow when I'm scrubbing poo out of some toddler panties.

Dear Emma 2014

Dear Emma,
Here we are again: another July 9th. It's your second birthday and life is so different than it was just one year ago. Your sappy mommy is full of so many emotions today...
In your first year of life, you were a chubby little blob of random noises and giggles that periodically spewed bodily fluids everywhere. You had fat rolls all over the place, your hair was sparse, and you always looked surprised. You had just started crawling before your first birthday. And now? You're this amazing, bubbly, energetic little princess who is so full of life and wonder. You run, jump (kind of), and don't hesitate to tell us what's on your mind. You're always boisterous, busy, and curious. And I love every exhausting second of it.
Last year on your birthday, I wondered what you'd be like now. Here were my thoughts:

I'm almost certain you'll still be a hot-headed little spitfire because I don't think that's a trait that's easily lost. I think you'll be a funny little kid who doesn't like to be told 'no' and still enjoys music more than anything. It looks like you'll still have blue eyes and probably some dirty blond hair with a smidge of red in it. I bet you'll hate wearing hair bows or having your hair done at all. You'll still be a picky eater but hopefully a good sleeper *fingers crossed* And I'm really holding out hope that you'll like to cuddle, because I really want to cuddle with you and you just won't let me!

Well, I was mostly right. Hot-headed spitfire? Pretty much, but you're a little more tame now than you used to be. Your disposition is generally happy and spunky with a few (normal) temper tantrums sprinkled in. You're actually a very well-behaved child. You're certainly funny- you make us laugh every single day, no matter how awful our days have been. Even when I was under an incredible amount of stress and pressure at work, or stressed about my health, you have always been able to wash that away and make me laugh. You certainly don't like to be told 'no' but you handle it pretty well. Especially if we say "nah" instead of "no." Don't ask. We have no clue why. You do love music, and sing a whole bunch of songs. Your first song was "Rain Rain Go Away." You've kept your big, beautiful, twinkly blue eyes and your dirty blond hair with a smidge of red. Thankfully, your hair has started to grow in and the "old man hair" is a thing of the past, but you traded it for a bit of a mullet. Nothing a little hair clip can't somewhat fix. You have a cheesy little smile with an adorable gap between your front teeth. You hated having bows put in your hair until recently, and now it doesn't bother you. Although you'll rip them out of your hair multiple times per day when they annoy you. Picky eater? Kind of, but it's getting better every week. I'm so happy to say that you're a great sleeper- there have been a few bumps along the way, but you usually sleep for about 11-12 hours per night and about 2-3 hours during the day. We had to put you in your toddler bed in April because you became an escape artist and started climbing out of your crib. I was NOT ready for that, but you've done exceptionally well in your big-girl bed. And as far as cuddling... well... we take what we can get. And it's usually when you're scared or hurt, but I cling to the rare moments when you just want to cuddle because you love me.

When you were a baby, you were so chubby. You caught up to the average height and weight for your age pretty quickly, especially since you were 8 weeks early. But after you started walking, that baby fat disappeared and you have ended up being this tiny little toddler. You surprise people in public, because you look so young (your hair is short and you're small for your age) but once you start talking, you can visibly see their reaction to this tiny little know-it-all. You are so very social and say "hi" and "how are you?" to everyone who passes at the grocery store, but I think you sometimes offend older women or women with blond hair when you call them "Grammy" out of nowhere. They don't realize it's a compliment ;) Tiny or not, you have this amazing little pot belly that I love to pat, and the cutest little feet. I'm still not sure where your cute nose came from... you love helping around the house and cleaning with us, but for some reason you think any dirt on the floor is poop. So we'll suddenly hear you say "oooooooh nooooooo! Poop! Poop right there!" and it'll turn out to be a fragment of mulch. Or a piece of fuzz. And you absolutely despise being dirty, so you love washing your hands or wiping the dirt onto mommy's clothes.

Looking ahead, I can only hope that you continue to be so full of life and curiosity. I hope you still love animals, music, and books. I think you'll still be way too smart for your own good, and we probably won't be able to get much past you. I sincerely hope you're potty trained by this time next year, but you're so stubborn that I can't be so sure. I picture you still walking around with an Elmo attached to you at all times, and probably picky about what clothes you wear. I don't know if you'll still be napping in the afternoon or not. I think you'll be spunky, energetic, and constantly asking "why?" And again, I selfishly hope you'll want to cuddle more.

Pumpkin, you're nothing short of amazing. My days are filled with finding Elmo (because you cannot function without keeping tabs on him throughout the day), wiping messy hands, sweeping up crumbs from the floor, changing diapers (hopefully not for much longer!), bribing you for kisses, and getting drenched during bath time. I cherish bed time- we snuggle on the rocker while I read you some books, then I sit on the floor next to your bed and sing you songs while you lie down and cling to your Elmo. I wouldn't trade this life for anything else at all. And I know Daddy wouldn't either- you are the absolute most precious thing in the world to him. My heart melts to see how much he loves you. You don't know this, but after you go to bed, Daddy and I gush about all the funny and adorable things you said/did during the day and how cute you are. On a daily basis, we say things like "she's so cute" "I just love her so much" and "she's the best." No joke- on a daily basis.

And, as expected, I've learned a lot this year. I've never taken you for granted, but this year reminded me just how much you mean to me. My job has been relentlessly stressful and I've realized that it's more important to be here- and be present- for you than to worry so much about being under-appreciated at work. And then when my health issues came up, I realized that my number one priority, again, is to be here for you for as long as possible. When it came down to it, the choice between never having another child or always being at the doctor and possibly getting really sick was easy. I need to be your mommy. Forever.

You see, kiddo, I need you as much as you need me and Daddy. It's as simple as that. So while you may only be a little peanut of a two-year-old, you've taken up so much space in my heart that it's about to burst. You're so smart, and I hope that never changes because at this rate, you can do anything you could ever dream of. One of your favorite books is "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss. My favorite quote is "Kid, you'll move mountains!" And my darling, you will.

I love you forever,
Mommy

Year Two!

Another year has come and gone... my baby girl is two!
(here's a link to last year's answers to see how much has changed in just one year)

YEAR TWO:

How old are you? This many *holds up two fingers*

What is your nickname? Still nothing consistent- sweet potato and sweet pea have remained, in addition to: boo, honey, cutie pie, bug, little bug, and buggy

What is your favorite color? Not quite sure there's a favorite yet. Sometimes you call the black crayon "puppy" because that's the color daddy uses to draw Riley :)

What is your favorite animal? You really like looking for lizards (or "wizards"). Going to the zoo is your favorite thing to do, apparently. But you'll settle for a quick trip to the pet store to look at the fish.

What is your favorite book? Anything that is a book. "Hop on Pop" was your favorite for a majority of the year, and the first one that you memorized. 

What is your favorite TV show? You love "Bubble Guppies" "Yo Gabba Gabba" and the "Elmo's World" segment of "Sesame Street"

What is your favorite movie? You still haven't watched a full movie, and I don't think you really care.

What is your favorite song? Old McDonald. You make us sing it over and over again. And you don't want us to sing about the animals on Old McDonald's farm... oh, no. You want us to sing "and on that farm he had a mommy/daddy/Elmo/blanket/Chubby Bunny/fan/baby/etc." In your mind, Old McDonald's farm is full of your most treasured things, and it's pretty cute.

What is your favorite drink? Milk. It would probably be juice if we ever let you drink it, but it's very rare that you have it. We don't want you becoming a juice-head.

What is your favorite dinner? Macaroni and cheese, or, as you say, "mocky sheeze"

What is your favorite snack? Fruit pouches ALL DAY LONG. But you also rarely turn down yogurt or raisins.

What is your favorite outfit? You haven't become attached to clothes yet, thank goodness. You pretty much just wear what we put you in. For now.

What is your favorite game? You still like Peek-a-boo but the concept of a "game" hasn't really sunk in yet. 

What is your favorite toy? You love books more than anything, but also crayons, Mega Bloks, and you're really enjoying the Little People house we got you for your birthday.

Who is your best friend? Probably Grammy. But you do seem to like Mommy and Daddy these days.

What is your favorite thing to do? Read books! 

What is your favorite holiday? You don't really know what a holiday is, but we'll just go with Christmas on this one. 

What is your favorite thing to take to bed with you at night? Elmo. You HAVE to have your Elmo to sleep with, and you put the back of his head up to your mouth to soothe yourself. You also need your Chubby Bunny (sometimes called "Tubby"), two fluffy blankets (thanks, Daddy, for starting that), and one lightweight blanket because you like to be covered up, but it gets hot in your room.

Where is your favorite place to go? The zoo, the pool, the park, the pet store, and Target (Daddy takes you to Target every Tuesday and lets you read books)

Where do you want to go on vacation? Someplace with a zoo and a pool, would be my guess.

What do you want to be when you grow up? At this rate, you'll be a zoologist or a veterinarian. You LOVE animals.

What did you do on your birthday? We celebrated your birthday yesterday, since Daddy had to work today. So yesterday, we went shopping and bought you an Elmo balloon, gave you your presents (a Little People house, an Elmo t-shirt, an Elmo coloring book, an Elmo snack box, a new book), you ate a burrito for dinner and had a cupcake for dessert, but didn't like being messy and didn't eat much of it. Today, you spent the morning with Mommy and then spent the afternoon with Grammy and Pop so Mommy could go get your birthday party supplies and rest because I'm still recovering from surgery. Your birthday party is 7/12 :)