I just realized it's been nearly three months since I posted anything. It goes without saying that A LOT has changed in that time. However, I did find the beginning of a post I wrote on 10/30 and never finished:
"I don't know how I could be so absent-minded that I would forget to announce to world (yes, the world... somehow I have lots of Russian readers) that the baby had her first ever successful trip to a public potty. OMG HOW COULD I FORGET SUCH NEWS?!
I also don't know how I could forget that my child is unlike any other child that has ever existed, ever. I know, I know... every child is unique and special in their own way and blah blah blaaahhhh. But for real- take every bit of info you've ever heard on what's typical for a child and throw that crap right out the window. i.e. "after you start potty training, don't put a diaper back on the child or he/she will get confused." Ahem, nope. She appears to"
...and that's where I left off. I have no idea why I stopped blogging that night... could have been that the baby woke up, husband wanted to hang out, or... I don't know... I looked up and noticed that one of my wine glasses was out of place in the china cabinet and spent the rest of my night organizing random... no. No that never happens. More than likely, it was option 1 or 2, or I fell asleep face-down on my laptop on the couch. Picture drooling. That.
Anyways, the point I was about to make was that we put the baby (I know, I know, she's not a baby anymore but... sssssshhhhhhh) in a diaper to take her out shopping because she was still afraid of public potties and I didn't want to end up in that freak out omg my kid just peed her pants in the middle of Target moment. When we got to Target, after a few other stops, the kid said "I need to go potty." So I tried taking her and... she did it. I was blown away... and, you know, I didn't have anything with me like an extra diaper or panties or anything of the sort and she wasn't wearing her shoes so I couldn't let her feet touch the floor. So it was an awkward and unplanned process but whatevs. She peed on that damn potty like a boss. Of course we bought her a toy to celebrate. Of course. So yes, my kid is that weirdo that refused to pee in her diaper after being potty trained. Woop.
So then it became a game. Every time we'd go somewhere, she'd announce in her tiny little muppet-like voice "I need to go poooooootty." And we'd try. And sometimes she would go, and sometimes she wouldn't. Side note: you don't truly realize how absolutely gross a public potty is until you're squatting in front of one while holding a tiny two-year-old. She's sitting there thinking it's fun, and I'm trying to find a spot on the wall that doesn't have a mystery stain on it so I can focus on that and not the mystery stains. *vomit* Luckily, she quickly lost interest in going potty in public places and sometimes still gets a little scared of certain public toilets (like at the park) so she only goes if she really really has to.
So potty training: check. She still has an occasional accident and we keep her in a pull up at night and during her naps because I'm not that much of a risk-taker these days. Her pull up is soaked by morning time, so we're nowhere near nighttime potty training. Usually she's dry after her nap but again, not always and that's not a risk I want to take (i.e. short nap and changing pee sheets). I still get this little twinge of excitement when I get home from work and see that she's still wearing the same pants I sent her to school in. Score.
She has officially earned her "tiny human" badge. She is no longer a baby (nonononononono she's still a baby. SHE'S STILL A BABY) and is quite literally a tiny little person who has opinions, wants, struggles (so many struggles), likes and dislikes (more dislikes than likes, these days), an imagination, and a sense of humor. She's a hilarious kid, and intentionally does things to make us laugh. Definitely our child, no doubt.
On the boasty side of business, she knows all of her letters but still gets confused occasionally. X and K get mixed up, for instance. She can sometimes tell you "R for rabbit!" but that's more rote memorization than actually having an understanding of phonics. Thanks, VTech! She can still quantify 2, which she's been doing for a long time ("two Elmos! Two cups!") but beyond that, she hasn't gotten the hang of quantities of 3, 4 etc. Makes bedtime great... I'll go to pick out three or four books and she'll say "I want TWO books!" and I gladly oblige. Although most times I sneak in a third or fourth and she has no clue. She's been speaking in full sentences for longer than I can remember and can hold a conversation. In fact, her verbal skills are off-the-charts still. She's tiny even for a 2 1/2 year old, and often times in public people will hear her speak and will marvel at how tiny she is and how scholarly she sounds (if you ask "how are you today?" she'll answer with "I'm fine, thanks").
Oh yea, and she's almost 2 1/2. So that means: she's constantly whiny, demanding, bossy, and will argue you about the most fundamental black-and-white things. My days are filled with:
"I NEED Elmo!"
"I need to get down!"
"No, it's NOT nighttime" (when it is totally nighttime and there is no disputing it)
"I don't waaaaaaaaaant it"
"Mommy, sit in the chair right now!"
I feel like she taunts me. I dispute your logic, mommy.
One anecdote from last night: I got home from work and the hubs and bubs were already home. Hubs and I were chatting while I put my stuff away and I realized it was quiet. I asked where the baby was, and he said she was probably still exercising in her bedroom (hilarious in and of itself). We both walked into the hallway to her wing of the house (minus the laundry room, that whole part of the house is hers- bathroom, play room, bedroom. It's her palace. We need a sign for it) and as we rounded the corner, we were just in time to see her toss a piece of toilet paper into her old Baby Bjorn pink potty chair and start pulling up her pants IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY. She had gone into one of the hall closets, found her old potty chair, and decided she wanted to pee in it. My guess is that she must have put it down, pulled down her pants, peed, walked into the bathroom to get toilet paper, and then returned to finish her business. I almost cried from laughing so hard.
No one tells you that watching a tiny 2-year-old go potty and wash her hands all by herself is one of the darned cutest things you'll ever see. Aaaaaannnnnnddddddd that sounded kinda creepy. But you know what I mean, right?
Having her in daycare has been great. She's fully adjusted and while she's not always thrilled to go to school, she's blossomed in so many ways. The only not-so-great thing about daycare is the sickies that she brings home. She has single-handedly ravaged my immune system over the last month. The week before Thanksgiving, she woke up at about 6am one morning and started puking. She stopped throwing up by the end of the day, but was feverish and under the weather the next day, which was a Friday. She proceeded to have a cough for weeks afterward, and we took her to the doctor and got some antibiotics to kick the rest of it. She was such a champ at the doctor.. the ARNP said "if all of my two-year-olds were this good, my job would be so easy." She seriously was perfect, even though she was sick. Poor kid. She's finally feeling better, but still has an occasional forceful cough.
**So remember that: puking for one day, feverish and under the weather for another day or two. But still running around (aside from vomiting day) like a maniac.
This started an awful snowball effect of terrible sleep at night. She'd wake up screaming every few hours. I started out by going in and trying to soothe her... rocking her in the rocking chair until she fell back asleep did the trick. But it only got worse. I'd go into her room and she'd be crying and saying "I need a wipe!" (for her nose) or "I need to rock!" so I'd rock her to sleep. It started to get old, and I could see a habit forming. Night after night of getting up and tending to her started to wear on me. Doesn't help that I always stay up way too late to begin with, and was not feeling well myself. Once I knew she was feeling better, I bit the bullet and told her that i wasn't coming back into her room for a wipe or rocking. I eased her into it by rocking her for less time and then stopping. Remember, I never sleep trained my kid. And she's always been a great, independent sleeper. So I knew we would get back to that... I let her cry it out for a bit one night, and it worked pretty well. The next night... awful. She woke up at about 2am (I think? I can't even remember) and spent about an hour and a half crying and repeating "I neeeeeeeed a wiiiiiiipppppe." I was literally on the brink of insanity. I turned the baby monitor volume all the way down (which is still loud, dammit. They need a "mommy needs her sanity but still needs to be able to see the baby" mode) and grabbed my headphones to listen to some music. It was that bad. She was literally just saying "I need a wipe" over and over and over and over again. Forget water boarding. Give a POW my melting down two-year-old for an hour. They'll sing like a bird. But after that night, she slowly stopped getting up in the middle of the night. And all is well *knock on wood* although she fights bed time like crazy now. And sometimes gets up out of bed repeatedly after we put her to bed. But that's to be expected.
The day after she was puking, I went to work and was coughing all day long. That night, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Torturous body aches, a headache that wouldn't go away, chills, fatigue. I wanted the misery to end. Luckily, I had a doctor's appointment the next day (yay for Saturday appointments!). Because, you know, I can't not have something dramatic going on. Take a simple trip to the eye doctor, for instance. The doctor completed the exam and dropped the bomb that I have astigmatism and need to wear glasses or contacts all day. Yippee (the only silver lining is that Tiffany and Co. makes frames now so woop to that). I sat with someone who was helping me pick out frames and she took my blood pressure and.... surprise! It was 180/121. Then it lowered to 177/118. Yay! The doctor hesitated to let me leave, and urged me to go to the hospital. Hell no. It would cost me $600 just to walk through the door. And I'm guessing they would run a bunch of tests to make sure my organs were still functioning properly so I was looking at at least $1000 in medical bills just for my damn blood pressure. Thanks, but no thanks. I ended up sitting at the eye doctor's office for a while, just making small talk with him while he tried to get a hold of my primary care doctor. I finally told him I would go to one of the nearby offices for my job, work from there, and that way I can run over to my doctor if need be or go to the ER. I ended up having my blood pressure checked at the primary care doctor's office and it was still red-alert level and they also encouraged me to go to the emergency room. Again, no thanks. So they scheduled me for a Saturday appointment to talk meds with the ARNP. Thank god, because I felt like I was dying from the flu by the time Saturday rolled around. She prescribed me an anti inflammatory to help bring my fever down because Tylenol wasn't working and I can't take ibuprofen or most NSAIDS. Also gave me a blood pressure med and sent me on my way. I ran out to the car and made hubby get the paperwork and pay the copay because I thought I was going to heave. Ugh, misery. It took me almost a week to start to feel like a human being again... I'm never skipping my flu shot again. Then my cough wouldn't go away, and I'm pretty sure I ended up with bronchitis from it. Another trip to the doctor, this time with a script for a new blood pressure medication that wouldn't cost $70 a month like the previous one would. Except, it makes me sleepy so I'm not taking it anymore. Ugh. I got some meds for my cough and just when I started to feel better it happened. I felt like I had a splinter in my thumb. Then one in my ring finger too... and by the next morning (a Sunday) the bottoms of my feet had sore bumps too. I was officially sporting a Hand Foot and Mouth Disease rash. Day two was the worst. I felt like I was walking on needles, and everything I touched felt like shards of glass. Misery. Agony. Gaaaaaahhhhhh. I went home from work early and soaked in an oatmeal bath which provided a brief bit of relief. Until I got out, and my floor transformed into needles again (and OMG oatmeal baths are gross!). I then slept for a few hours. I was exhausted- the pain actually woke me up in the middle of the night the night before. That day was the worst, and after that it slowly got better. And, you guessed it- just when I started to feel better... bam. "One of the worst UTI's" the urgent care doctor has ever seen. Misery. Torture. Agony. Which all came in within the span of about 5 hours. Yay me. Go big or go home. Although, I just wanted to go home. Grrrr.
So yea. I want to crawl into a hole and hide out for a few months. Send me letters, I'll need something to read.
NOW. Obligatory New Year's post! Can I just say that I'm so excited for 2014 to be over? WORST YEAR EVER.
"1. What did you do in 2014 that you'd never done before?
- too many things I didn't want to do, that's for sure. But I took my first solo plane flight and first solo trip out of state! And it was marvelous.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
- I don't make New Year's resolutions, for good reason.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
- Yep! One of my best friends had her second kiddo recently and she's so stinking adorable I can't handle it.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
- "No. And I'm so completely grateful for another year without a significant loss." that was my answer from last year, and it still stands this year. Whew.
5. What countries did you visit?
- 'Merica.
6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?
- "Free time. My job has consumed my life, and I'm regretting the lack of 'me time'" was my answer from last year. Completed. New job, more free time. Yay! This year's answer: I'd like to have my health back. And more happiness. Less tears.
7. What date from 2013 will remain etched in your memory, and why?
- 3/11/14, my first biopsy; 3/14/14- getting the "we have your biopsy results and you need to come in as soon as possible and bring your husband" phone call; 4/24/14- my first surgery; 4/25/14- Emma has a seizure; 5/2/14- the "cancer... remission... oncologist" visit with my doctor; 6/17- my hysterectomy, 7/2- bleeding profusely and going into shock.
None of those are good dates. 2014 sucked.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- I got another promotion at work! Livin' the good life now. Oh, and I didn't die. I feel like, considering the crap I went through this year, that's a huge effin' accomplishment. And I'm pretty sure I champed through my surgeries like a boss... I was up and walking around within a couple of hours of coming out of anesthesia after my hysterectomy. LIKE A BOSS. And potty training the kiddo. *bicep flex*
9. What was your biggest failure?
- Being healthy? Not bleeding profusely after a surgical procedure? Finishing the damn artwork I've been working on for Emma's room.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
- Obvious answer here. Moving along...
11. What was the best thing you bought?
- Wow these were much easier to answer last year... hmmmm. I guess my iPhone 6.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
- A lot of people, actually... my big brother, who always checked in with me to make sure I was ok, and was genuinely concerned for my health. We haven't always been close, but over the last few years he's been so supportive in my most trying times. My in-laws, who were always willing to watch the baby so we could have a break. My step-mother-in-law, who came up to our house on short notice at like 10:00 at night (when she had to work the next day!) so someone could be with the baby overnight without having to wake her up, so Josh could rush me to the cancer center while I was bleeding out (literally, omg still traumatized by that). My parents, who also helped tremendously with watching the kiddo during the week and driving up to my office to pick her up and drop her off, which was so helpful. And my mom for making an hour-long drive to my house a few times to watch the baby so I could rest and recover. Some of my coworkers, who supported me when I was sick, let me vent when I was stressed out, and made me laugh on my darkest days.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
- "Let's not go there." ditto from last year.
14. Where did most of your money go?
- Medical bills. So many medical bills.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- Christmas with Emma. And never having a period again! Hah.
16. What song will always remind you of 2014?
- Ugh, I don't know.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder: Sadder in some ways, happier in others, if that makes any sense. It was a really trying year in so many ways.
Thinner or fatter? Maybe thinner still? I don't remember how much I weighed this time last year, but I know I haven't gained all of my weight back. Some, though! With my health issues, I went all the way down to 92 or 93 pounds. Definitely not good.
Richer or poorer? Richer. Pay increase, paid off one car. Cheaper insurance for the kiddo... but daycare. So maybe we're about even. Feels like we're ballin' though... jk jk.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
- "Blogging. Crafting." ditto. And taking time off work that wasn't related to medical issues.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
- BLEEDING. omg. And being in a hospital/doctor's office/cancer center
20. How did you spend Christmas?
- "Christmas Eve at my parents' house. Then gifts at home on Christmas morning. Then Christmas afternoon/evening at the in-laws' house." same routine this year. Except way more enjoyable, because Emma had so much more fun. She even did a present-opening dance Christmas Eve because she was so excited.
21. Did you fall in love in 2014?
- it was a trying year, for sure. But somehow through all of it, I have fallen in love with my hubby all over again :)
22. How many one-night stands?
- "Zero. Point. Zero." and this is never going to change. I may take this question off for next year.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
- "The Office" and "Parks and Recreation" FOR SURE.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
- I still don't hate anyone, but there are some people that I've willingly deleted from my life.
25. What was the best book you read?
- I was slackin' on my book reading. But "Gone Girl" is pretty good so far. I'll go with that.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
- I don't think I had one this year... sad! Lots of great music, but no "discovery"
27. What did you want and get?
- My new job. Effing yes.
28. What did you want and not get?
- Well I always want diamonds...
29. What was your favorite film?
- "I'm not sure what movies I watched this year! Bah!" This is always going to be a problem for me. I really liked "The Lego Movie" (hah!) and The Hunger Games, duh.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
- I continued my streak of terrible birthdays. I was three days out from surgery. I spent the majority of the day in bed, in pain. That was it. No birthday celebrations at all this year. But hubby bought me a nice massage table that he gave to me early so we could use it before I wasn't able to lie on my tummy for weeks on end.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
- I don't make New Year's resolutions, for good reason.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
- Yep! One of my best friends had her second kiddo recently and she's so stinking adorable I can't handle it.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
- "No. And I'm so completely grateful for another year without a significant loss." that was my answer from last year, and it still stands this year. Whew.
5. What countries did you visit?
- 'Merica.
6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?
- "Free time. My job has consumed my life, and I'm regretting the lack of 'me time'" was my answer from last year. Completed. New job, more free time. Yay! This year's answer: I'd like to have my health back. And more happiness. Less tears.
7. What date from 2013 will remain etched in your memory, and why?
- 3/11/14, my first biopsy; 3/14/14- getting the "we have your biopsy results and you need to come in as soon as possible and bring your husband" phone call; 4/24/14- my first surgery; 4/25/14- Emma has a seizure; 5/2/14- the "cancer... remission... oncologist" visit with my doctor; 6/17- my hysterectomy, 7/2- bleeding profusely and going into shock.
None of those are good dates. 2014 sucked.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- I got another promotion at work! Livin' the good life now. Oh, and I didn't die. I feel like, considering the crap I went through this year, that's a huge effin' accomplishment. And I'm pretty sure I champed through my surgeries like a boss... I was up and walking around within a couple of hours of coming out of anesthesia after my hysterectomy. LIKE A BOSS. And potty training the kiddo. *bicep flex*
9. What was your biggest failure?
- Being healthy? Not bleeding profusely after a surgical procedure? Finishing the damn artwork I've been working on for Emma's room.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
- Obvious answer here. Moving along...
11. What was the best thing you bought?
- Wow these were much easier to answer last year... hmmmm. I guess my iPhone 6.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
- A lot of people, actually... my big brother, who always checked in with me to make sure I was ok, and was genuinely concerned for my health. We haven't always been close, but over the last few years he's been so supportive in my most trying times. My in-laws, who were always willing to watch the baby so we could have a break. My step-mother-in-law, who came up to our house on short notice at like 10:00 at night (when she had to work the next day!) so someone could be with the baby overnight without having to wake her up, so Josh could rush me to the cancer center while I was bleeding out (literally, omg still traumatized by that). My parents, who also helped tremendously with watching the kiddo during the week and driving up to my office to pick her up and drop her off, which was so helpful. And my mom for making an hour-long drive to my house a few times to watch the baby so I could rest and recover. Some of my coworkers, who supported me when I was sick, let me vent when I was stressed out, and made me laugh on my darkest days.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
- "Let's not go there." ditto from last year.
14. Where did most of your money go?
- Medical bills. So many medical bills.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- Christmas with Emma. And never having a period again! Hah.
16. What song will always remind you of 2014?
- Ugh, I don't know.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder: Sadder in some ways, happier in others, if that makes any sense. It was a really trying year in so many ways.
Thinner or fatter? Maybe thinner still? I don't remember how much I weighed this time last year, but I know I haven't gained all of my weight back. Some, though! With my health issues, I went all the way down to 92 or 93 pounds. Definitely not good.
Richer or poorer? Richer. Pay increase, paid off one car. Cheaper insurance for the kiddo... but daycare. So maybe we're about even. Feels like we're ballin' though... jk jk.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
- "Blogging. Crafting." ditto. And taking time off work that wasn't related to medical issues.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
- BLEEDING. omg. And being in a hospital/doctor's office/cancer center
20. How did you spend Christmas?
- "Christmas Eve at my parents' house. Then gifts at home on Christmas morning. Then Christmas afternoon/evening at the in-laws' house." same routine this year. Except way more enjoyable, because Emma had so much more fun. She even did a present-opening dance Christmas Eve because she was so excited.
21. Did you fall in love in 2014?
- it was a trying year, for sure. But somehow through all of it, I have fallen in love with my hubby all over again :)
22. How many one-night stands?
- "Zero. Point. Zero." and this is never going to change. I may take this question off for next year.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
- "The Office" and "Parks and Recreation" FOR SURE.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
- I still don't hate anyone, but there are some people that I've willingly deleted from my life.
25. What was the best book you read?
- I was slackin' on my book reading. But "Gone Girl" is pretty good so far. I'll go with that.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
- I don't think I had one this year... sad! Lots of great music, but no "discovery"
27. What did you want and get?
- My new job. Effing yes.
28. What did you want and not get?
- Well I always want diamonds...
29. What was your favorite film?
- "I'm not sure what movies I watched this year! Bah!" This is always going to be a problem for me. I really liked "The Lego Movie" (hah!) and The Hunger Games, duh.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
- I continued my streak of terrible birthdays. I was three days out from surgery. I spent the majority of the day in bed, in pain. That was it. No birthday celebrations at all this year. But hubby bought me a nice massage table that he gave to me early so we could use it before I wasn't able to lie on my tummy for weeks on end.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying?
- To be honest, the year wasn't immeasurably satisfying. But, having my family and being alive today are wonderful things :)
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
- "Working professional by day, mom by night" pretty much sums it up. I finally ditched the idea of putting on makeup for a quick shopping trip. I've finally made the transition to skinny jeans. And I'm definitely dressing more for my body- finding things that fit better and aren't too big on me.
33. What kept you sane?
- My friends, for sure.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
- Chris Pratt. Swoon.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
- Marriage equality. And companies having more rights than women. Ugh.
36. Who did you miss?
- My best friend! Saying goodbye to her was the most sad moment of the whole year. We could't let go of each other... but seeing her again was one of the most joyful moments of the year as well.
37. Who was the best new person you met?
- Some people at work who quickly became friends.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014:
- I am in control of my own happiness. I can let something destroy me, or I can conquer it and move on.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
- "Even the stars, they burn. Some even fall to the earth. We've got a lot to learn, but God knows we're worth it"
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
- "Working professional by day, mom by night" pretty much sums it up. I finally ditched the idea of putting on makeup for a quick shopping trip. I've finally made the transition to skinny jeans. And I'm definitely dressing more for my body- finding things that fit better and aren't too big on me.
33. What kept you sane?
- My friends, for sure.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
- Chris Pratt. Swoon.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
- Marriage equality. And companies having more rights than women. Ugh.
36. Who did you miss?
- My best friend! Saying goodbye to her was the most sad moment of the whole year. We could't let go of each other... but seeing her again was one of the most joyful moments of the year as well.
37. Who was the best new person you met?
- Some people at work who quickly became friends.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014:
- I am in control of my own happiness. I can let something destroy me, or I can conquer it and move on.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
- "Even the stars, they burn. Some even fall to the earth. We've got a lot to learn, but God knows we're worth it"
