Dear Emma,
I feel like I went to bed one night, and when I woke up, my baby girl had grown into a preschooler. I marvel at the little girl that you've become, and often find myself being that creepy mom who stares at you when you aren't looking, astonished at your existence. The latest development that has been blowing my mind is that you are a miniature version of me, with different facial features. You have the same build as me- thin, with a long torso- and the exact same feet and hands as well.
In one of my recent writings, I mentioned that no one ever explains to you what it's like to know someone in the way that a mother knows her child. I've studied you every single day that I'm with you. I know where your moles are (so cute, I hope you don't hate them when you grow up because I've seriously enjoyed watching each and every one of them appear on your soft skin), I know what your head smells like (it's a mom thing), I know how it sounds when you snore. But I know your mind, too. And aside from the fact that you are stunningly beautiful, with your big, round blue eyes and your kind-of-curly and ambiguously-colored hair and the cutest nose I've ever seen (still don't know where that came from, just consider yourself blessed that you didn't get my nose or daddy's nose), you have an absolutely beautiful mind and soul. As you've grown, your personality has blossomed and I'm getting a feel for who you are as a littler person. And you amaze me. You are smart, and logical. You want to know everything, and you want to know why the world is the way it is. And when you learn something new, you apply it to your life, and gain perspective on everything that surrounds you. When we're in the car, you prefer to look out the window and see all that passes by, asking me questions when you see something that is different or new. In those ways, you're very much like me. You also have an incredible sense of humor and enjoy making everyone laugh. But you also enjoy making people happy in general. I've watched you develop a conscience and the ability to identify the needs of those around you. You are helpful, caring, and sweet, and I'm so proud of everything that you're becoming.
My dearest tater, knowing you and getting to be your mother has been the single greatest joy of my life. I hope you can continue to be the smart, independent, loving, empathetic, curious person that you are, and that the world doesn't dampen your flame. You have the potential for greatness and to make an impact on this world, but it won't be an easy road. That road is paved with heartache and disappointment, as you begin to understand the parts of the world that are ugly and mean. I can't shield you from that, but I hope you always know that I can be your refuge when life gets difficult. I will always be here for you, no matter what. In the same way that I bandage your boo-boos and lay next to you when the power goes out and you're scared... I will be there to help heal your hurt and make you feel safe when the world becomes dark. That's my promise to you as you get older and face this world.
But for now, you are my sweet, tiny little tater. So much of me wishes you could stay little forever... I'll miss your innocent desire to be taller than me, and I'll miss watching you try to figure out in your head how you can someday be older than me. One of the things I'll miss the most as you grow up is you having your filthy Elmo pressed up against your mouth and nose. Some day that Elmo will no longer be needed, but for now, I smile and laugh as you press him to your nose and take one last deep inhale before you throw him back into the car so I can take you into your daycare. You are so quickly growing into a big girl. And while I'll miss so many things about this stage of your life, I am truly excited to see what you achieve in life, and the kind of girl you grow up to be.
I love you more than anything in this universe, and I hope you don't ever doubt that.
Love always,
Mommy
Saturday, January 7, 2017
We Survived Age 3.
So it's December 28, but since it's still 2016 I don't think I'm too horrifically late to post Emma's birthday blog. Right? (humor me) (edit: I didn't finish this post in one sitting... and, CRAP. Now it's 2017 and I've failed miserably)
My tiny tater tot is 4 now. And I am so relieved.
3 was bad. 3 was nuclear-meltdown temper tantrums, peeing on the floor out of anger, rapidly changing emotions, and increasing independence all wrapped up in the cutest little body with enormous blue eyes and (finally) long brownish-blondish-reddish curly/wavy hair. She was the sweetest, smartest little monster I had ever met, and she was almost the death of me.
But here we are, happily settling into age 4. The nuclear meltdowns are a thing of the past, aside from a few random and short-lived ones sprinkled here and there when she's overtired. She's starting to make more mature decisions and is able to name her emotions and ask for help when she's overwhelmed. Don't get me wrong- she's still a pistol. She's just a more calm, even-keeled pistol. Which is truly remarkable, when you consider the fact that her whole world was flipped upside-down in March when we moved out of our family home and into two separate homes. During my half of her life, she is crammed into a teeny-tiny apartment that is bursting at the seams with furniture that is way too large for this space (but I'm determined to get a bigger place one day!) , but she doesn't seem to mind at all. In fact, she still loves the fact that her bedroom is also her playroom. Well played, broke mommy!
4-year-old tater is a sassy one, who destroys my logic on a daily basis. I've had a few of those moments when all I can say to her is "erm... yeah, actually, you're right about that" and then I slowly raise that white flag I've kept since she was born, surrendering to my 32-pound benevolent (mostly) dictator. She's wicked smart, and never-endingly curious. Apparently, I was the same way as a child. There's a long-standing joke that our children are miniature versions of ourselves when we were kids. And that our own parents sit back in silent contentment, knowing that we're out there chasing around our pint-sized paybacks. I'm nearly certain my dad is nodding at this point, and remembering when I would probably ask 53287659 questions in the span of 3.2 seconds. I keep reminding myself that it's good that she's so curious about the world, and that I need to continue to feed her hunger for learning. But then she asks me abstract questions for which there are no simple answers and suddenly I feel like a dope who shouldn't have been allowed to have such a smart child. Ugh.
She's tiny, too. *throws head back and laughs* Like she had any chance of being on the "above average" end of the growth chart. I think she's destined for the same torture as her mother: going shopping, and never finding anything that fits because pants are always 6" too long, and always having to look both ways in the grocery store aisle to make sure no one sees an adult climbing the shelves to reach the BOGO soup. She's already having clothing issues, as her waist is still a size 3 but her legs are the length of a 4. Hooray for adjustable waists!
Tiny, sassy, and way too independent. She'll cuddle with me sometimes, and she'll tolerate my hugs and kisses on occasion. It's always on her terms, and usually when I'm running around like crazy and don't have time to cuddle, but I do it anyways because I can't turn down those big, blue eyes.
She's getting to the age when she's starting to think about what she wants to do when she grows up, and while I know that'll change about 350 times by the time she actually goes to college in 14 years, it's interesting to see where her mind is at. While most days she aspires to be a mermaid (I mean... I kinda can't argue with that because that's what I want to be when I grow up too), sometimes she'll say she wants to be a social worker like mommy (ROFL she clearly has no idea what that means) or drive an ambulance like daddy. I do think she may end up in some kind of profession in which she helps people, because she seems to have a heart for that. I've just got to make sure I encourage that part of her as she grows up and starts to see the uglier parts of people and the world.
Alright, time for tater answers:
How old are you?
"umm four" *holds up four fingers with no hesitation*
What's your nickname?
"Emma" (I then clarified what a nickname is) "Tater"
What is your favorite color?
"Purple"
What is your favorite animal?
"Ponies... I mean, unicorns"
Mommy's answer: anything that is an animal.
What is your favorite book?
Emma's answer: "My favorite book that I can read is 'Blue Hat Green Hat'"
Mommy's answer: "Peanut Butter and Cupcake" Although she truly doesn't have a favorite that lasts for very long.
What is your favorite TV show?
Emma's answer: "My Little Pony"
Mommy's answer: It has been another year of ALL BLUES CLUES ALL THE TIME.
What is your favorite movie?
Emma's answer: "ummm... Alex in Wonderland"
me: "really?"
Emma: "yes"
me: "where did you see that at?'
Emma: "I dunno."
Mommy's answer: She's not big on movies, but for a while she loved watching Cinderella and Frozen on repeat.
What is your favorite song?
Emma's answer: "My favorite song is...." *stares off into space, very deep in thought* "happy birfday"
What is your favorite drink?
Emma's answer: "Apple juice!" (no hesitation)
What is your favorite dinner?
"ummm, I like... weeeeeee!" *starts scooting around in the bath, then postures like she's about to dive in head-first, at which point my mom voice comes out with a stern "NO"* I don't know what it is about this question that makes her not want to answer... maybe the fact that she's partially anorexic and just kind doesn't like food in general.
So, mommy's answer: still tacos
What is your favorite snack?
Emma's answer: "mermaid cookies"
Mommy's answer: all the carbs.
What is your favorite outfit?
Emma's answer: "the mermaid dress-up clothes"
Mommy's answer: Dresses! The twirlier the skirt, the better.
What is your favorite game?
Emma's answer: "video games"
Mommy's answer: Hide and seek
What is your favorite toy?
Emma's answer: "Elmo" (teehee, so cute)
Mommy's answer: the iPad.
Who is your best friend?
Emma's answer: "Mommy and Miss Linda. And daddy" (the daycare owner)
What is your favorite thing to do?
Emma's answer: "Swim in da pool"
Mommy's answer: Ask 987238765789 questions.
What's your favorite holiday?
Emma's answer: "ummm... holiday?" (mommy explains holidays and provides examples) "EASTER!"
Mommy's answer: Every holiday, especially if it involves presents and/or candy.
What is your favorite thing to take to bed with you at night?
Emma's answer: "Elmo"
Mommy's answer: Elmo. Every blanket in the house. 37 stuffed animals. 2 pillows that she doesn't use.
Where is your favorite place to go?
Emma's answer: "Disney World!"
Where do you want to go on vacation?
Emma's answer: "I want to go visit mermaids!"
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Emma's answer: "a mermaid"
Mommy's answer: She seems to be drawn towards helping people, so I'd say a social worker, doctor, or maybe even a veterinarian since she loves animals so much.
What did you do for your birthday? (I asked her what she wants to do on her birthday since it hasn't arrived yet)
Emma's answer: "had fun and played"
Mommy's answer: We took her to Disney, but you wouldn't know by her underwhelmed answer.
My tiny tater tot is 4 now. And I am so relieved.
3 was bad. 3 was nuclear-meltdown temper tantrums, peeing on the floor out of anger, rapidly changing emotions, and increasing independence all wrapped up in the cutest little body with enormous blue eyes and (finally) long brownish-blondish-reddish curly/wavy hair. She was the sweetest, smartest little monster I had ever met, and she was almost the death of me.
But here we are, happily settling into age 4. The nuclear meltdowns are a thing of the past, aside from a few random and short-lived ones sprinkled here and there when she's overtired. She's starting to make more mature decisions and is able to name her emotions and ask for help when she's overwhelmed. Don't get me wrong- she's still a pistol. She's just a more calm, even-keeled pistol. Which is truly remarkable, when you consider the fact that her whole world was flipped upside-down in March when we moved out of our family home and into two separate homes. During my half of her life, she is crammed into a teeny-tiny apartment that is bursting at the seams with furniture that is way too large for this space (but I'm determined to get a bigger place one day!) , but she doesn't seem to mind at all. In fact, she still loves the fact that her bedroom is also her playroom. Well played, broke mommy!
4-year-old tater is a sassy one, who destroys my logic on a daily basis. I've had a few of those moments when all I can say to her is "erm... yeah, actually, you're right about that" and then I slowly raise that white flag I've kept since she was born, surrendering to my 32-pound benevolent (mostly) dictator. She's wicked smart, and never-endingly curious. Apparently, I was the same way as a child. There's a long-standing joke that our children are miniature versions of ourselves when we were kids. And that our own parents sit back in silent contentment, knowing that we're out there chasing around our pint-sized paybacks. I'm nearly certain my dad is nodding at this point, and remembering when I would probably ask 53287659 questions in the span of 3.2 seconds. I keep reminding myself that it's good that she's so curious about the world, and that I need to continue to feed her hunger for learning. But then she asks me abstract questions for which there are no simple answers and suddenly I feel like a dope who shouldn't have been allowed to have such a smart child. Ugh.
She's tiny, too. *throws head back and laughs* Like she had any chance of being on the "above average" end of the growth chart. I think she's destined for the same torture as her mother: going shopping, and never finding anything that fits because pants are always 6" too long, and always having to look both ways in the grocery store aisle to make sure no one sees an adult climbing the shelves to reach the BOGO soup. She's already having clothing issues, as her waist is still a size 3 but her legs are the length of a 4. Hooray for adjustable waists!
Tiny, sassy, and way too independent. She'll cuddle with me sometimes, and she'll tolerate my hugs and kisses on occasion. It's always on her terms, and usually when I'm running around like crazy and don't have time to cuddle, but I do it anyways because I can't turn down those big, blue eyes.
She's getting to the age when she's starting to think about what she wants to do when she grows up, and while I know that'll change about 350 times by the time she actually goes to college in 14 years, it's interesting to see where her mind is at. While most days she aspires to be a mermaid (I mean... I kinda can't argue with that because that's what I want to be when I grow up too), sometimes she'll say she wants to be a social worker like mommy (ROFL she clearly has no idea what that means) or drive an ambulance like daddy. I do think she may end up in some kind of profession in which she helps people, because she seems to have a heart for that. I've just got to make sure I encourage that part of her as she grows up and starts to see the uglier parts of people and the world.
Alright, time for tater answers:
How old are you?
"umm four" *holds up four fingers with no hesitation*
What's your nickname?
"Emma" (I then clarified what a nickname is) "Tater"
What is your favorite color?
"Purple"
What is your favorite animal?
"Ponies... I mean, unicorns"
Mommy's answer: anything that is an animal.
What is your favorite book?
Emma's answer: "My favorite book that I can read is 'Blue Hat Green Hat'"
Mommy's answer: "Peanut Butter and Cupcake" Although she truly doesn't have a favorite that lasts for very long.
What is your favorite TV show?
Emma's answer: "My Little Pony"
Mommy's answer: It has been another year of ALL BLUES CLUES ALL THE TIME.
What is your favorite movie?
Emma's answer: "ummm... Alex in Wonderland"
me: "really?"
Emma: "yes"
me: "where did you see that at?'
Emma: "I dunno."
Mommy's answer: She's not big on movies, but for a while she loved watching Cinderella and Frozen on repeat.
What is your favorite song?
Emma's answer: "My favorite song is...." *stares off into space, very deep in thought* "happy birfday"
What is your favorite drink?
Emma's answer: "Apple juice!" (no hesitation)
What is your favorite dinner?
"ummm, I like... weeeeeee!" *starts scooting around in the bath, then postures like she's about to dive in head-first, at which point my mom voice comes out with a stern "NO"* I don't know what it is about this question that makes her not want to answer... maybe the fact that she's partially anorexic and just kind doesn't like food in general.
So, mommy's answer: still tacos
What is your favorite snack?
Emma's answer: "mermaid cookies"
Mommy's answer: all the carbs.
What is your favorite outfit?
Emma's answer: "the mermaid dress-up clothes"
Mommy's answer: Dresses! The twirlier the skirt, the better.
What is your favorite game?
Emma's answer: "video games"
Mommy's answer: Hide and seek
What is your favorite toy?
Emma's answer: "Elmo" (teehee, so cute)
Mommy's answer: the iPad.
Who is your best friend?
Emma's answer: "Mommy and Miss Linda. And daddy" (the daycare owner)
What is your favorite thing to do?
Emma's answer: "Swim in da pool"
Mommy's answer: Ask 987238765789 questions.
What's your favorite holiday?
Emma's answer: "ummm... holiday?" (mommy explains holidays and provides examples) "EASTER!"
Mommy's answer: Every holiday, especially if it involves presents and/or candy.
What is your favorite thing to take to bed with you at night?
Emma's answer: "Elmo"
Mommy's answer: Elmo. Every blanket in the house. 37 stuffed animals. 2 pillows that she doesn't use.
Where is your favorite place to go?
Emma's answer: "Disney World!"
Where do you want to go on vacation?
Emma's answer: "I want to go visit mermaids!"
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Emma's answer: "a mermaid"
Mommy's answer: She seems to be drawn towards helping people, so I'd say a social worker, doctor, or maybe even a veterinarian since she loves animals so much.
What did you do for your birthday? (I asked her what she wants to do on her birthday since it hasn't arrived yet)
Emma's answer: "had fun and played"
Mommy's answer: We took her to Disney, but you wouldn't know by her underwhelmed answer.
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