I feel like the last month of my life has been a bizarre jumble of baby snot, vomit, and extreme baby giggles.
I've also continued to spend a ridiculous amount of money on this kid on anything and everything promising to make her feel better. The solution to cranky baby seemed to actually be free- antibiotics. Which are free from our local grocery store. I hesitated to have the script filled because she wasn't running a fever and nothing really pointed to an infection, but after four weeks of miserable, congested baby, I really didn't have much of a choice. So it could be a coincidence, and maybe she's feeling better because whatever was causing her congestion has finally run its course, or the antibiotics were really what she needed. We shall never know for sure... despite being on the mend, she's still not feeling all that great, especially at night. But it's a significant improvement over the nights of having her sleep in her swing.
Yep. She spent a few nights solely in her swing, and a few days of napping in her swing. It was incredibly difficult for me to do, because we've put so much effort into helping her become an independent crib sleeper- a baby that can peacefully sleep in her crib, put herself back to sleep if she wakes up and doesn't need to be fed, and doesn't rely on something specific to be able to sleep. She had been a pro at it, too. And yet, here I was, feeling completely defeated and plopping her into her swing for the night, thinking in the back of my mind that she would officially be a swing sleeper and we were doomed when it came time to try to transition her back into her crib. Thank God it only lasted a few days and we were able to get her to sleep in her crib again with little issue. Whew, that was close.
SLEEP: I really have to stop being such a sleep sergeant. I get far too worried about her forming bad sleep habits, and it gets me downright stressed when something disrupts her sleep. Like noise. If someone rings the doorbell during naptime, I may hurt that person. And I'm typically not violent. I also get overly frustrated when she doesn't get any good naps during the day while hubby and I are at work... I should chill out about that, but nothing sucks worse than making a 30 mile drive home at 6pm knowing that I'm going to deal with an overtired baby at home for a few hours before she finally falls asleep, only to eat a cold dinner and collapse into bed before waking up early to start a brand new day. But I do need to relax about her sleep. However, my diligence has resulted in a baby with good sleep habits. So maybe it hasn't been for naught.
Speaking of sleep, crazy baby has at least been sleeping through the night for the last few weeks. Up until the past few nights, she had been getting up at about 4 or 5am for a bottle, but lately she's been sleeping until about 7:30 or 8. This morning she snoozed until 8:30 after going to bed around 9! I wish we could get her into bed earlier, but it's just not happening. She was in bed at about 8 tonight, though, so I know she'll sleep well. That's the interesting thing about babies- they sleep better when they go to bed earlier. Definitely true in Emma's case.
STRESS: I am certainly feeling the stress of being a working mom. Out of everyone I know that has had a baby recently, all but one have been stay-at-home moms for more than just maternity leave. So not too many can relate, it seems. I hate leaving her all day... sometimes I fight back tears as I watch my mom drive away with my baby in the back of her minivan. I feel like a huge chunk of my heart is driving away with her. And it's enough to work full-time, but the added driving for dropping off the baby and picking her up is about to break me. And... did I mention I work a crazy schedule that's never regular and hardly predictable? I can go into the office in the morning, expecting to leave at a certain time, and end up leaving two hours later than I expected. So that's no fun. This has to get easier at some point, right?
FEEDING: We started crazy baby on solids again and, let me tell you, this kid loves food. She loves food like a fat kid loves food... and she's a fat kid. So she loves food. A lot. She's had peas, carrots, pears, apples, sweet potatoes, squash, bananas, rice cereal, and oatmeal. We have peaches that she'll try soon, too. And then she's on to stage 2 foods... my big girl! She's not a huge fan of rice cereal, but she loves everything else. Today, she had oatmeal and apples for lunch and squash for dinner. I haven't decided what's on the menu for tomorrow yet. But I'm certain she'll like it. She hasn't wanted her bottles quite as much lately but I don't think it has anything to do with her solid foods, since she mostly refuses her first bottle of the day. Even after not eating for 12+ hours, she typically fights her morning bottle of formula. I can't figure out why...
DEVELOPMENT: Still not rolling! I'm surprised, because she seemed so close a few weeks ago. It's not that she can't do it, it's that she won't do it. But she can tripod sit with no problem- we can sit her down and she'll lean forward and support her weight with her hands on the floor in front of her. She can also sit upright unassisted for short periods of time and will sit upright without her back leaning on something as long as she can support her weight with her arms resting on something. She also does baby sit-ups when she's sitting in her bathtub, bouncy seat, car seat, or high chair. It's absolutely hysterical to see her sitting in her carseat in the back of the car with her little head leaning forward while she tries to look around and grab at things. She has also been really concentrating on everything around her and almost looks like a mad scientist when she's trying to play. She's quite the thinker. You can see the figurative gears turning in her little head... she's really great with her hands now, too. She can reach out with one hand, grab something, and then bring it to her mouth. Over the last few days, she's perfected the skill of turning objects in different directions to look at all sides of it, and she can pass things back and forth between hands. She's a pro with those grabbers. Her new favorite activity is grabbing her feets and pulling her socks off, and occasionally she ends up chewing on her socks. Did I mention she's a fat kid? She eats everything. Literally... my face, her socks, burp cloths, washcloths, toys, her fingers, her clothes, my clothes, blankets, the floor... if she can reach it, she tries to eat it. I put her in her doorway jumper last weekend and she immediately began reaching up for the butterfly toy attached on one of the ropes just above eye-level. When she got bored of grabbing it, she did everything she could to try to get that darned thing in her mouth. Most of her day is spent with her mouth wide open while she tries to eat things... while on her tummy recently, I was shaking a toy out in front of her to get her attention. Once she realized she couldn't reach for it (because her arms were holding her up), she opened her mouth wide and leaned forward to try to eat it. My poor fat kid. And over the last few days, she's started really babbling... she doesn't really use consonants, but she's certainly trying to talk. And my God, she's loud. She just sits there and squeals and shouts, then smiles at your reaction to her. Crazy baby is one funny little kid.
GROWTH: 16lb 13oz on 1/15 (her 6 month well-child), which is 63rd percentile for weight. Her height was 25 3/4", which is the 46th percentile. I don't remember her head circumference measurement, but it is in the 30th percentile. Short, fat, with a small head. That's my Emma. Sadly, she got some really cute clothes in a 6 month size for Christmas and she was barely able to wear them all once before they were boxed up. She's now officially in her 9 month sized clothes! So I spent a good $100 on new clothes for her, because most of her 9 month stuff is summer clothing.
Oh, yea. And baby vomit... I've done an insane amount of laundry because of it. We're not talking spit-up. That's child's play compared to this... she's had many episodes of stomach-content-emptying vomiting over the last few weeks. Like, you can hear it dripping onto the carpet. And it soaks through your clothes and drips down your arm. And it makes her look like the exorcist as it gushes out of her tiny little mouth. Poor fat kid. And poor mommy! There's nothing pleasant about being covered in warm baby vomit all over your head, shoulders, knees, and toes... and then trying to figure out how to pull your t-shirt over your head without smearing the baby vomit all over your face. It's that bad.
Mommy stuff:
Here's the New Year's post I should have made:
1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
- well, jeez, let's see- became a mommy, spent four weeks in a hospital, had natural childbirth, cleaned baby vomit out of my cleavage... the list goes on.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
- I don't do New Year's resolutions. Never have, probably never will. I'm a constant work in progress and I'm always making new goals for myself... not just at the first of the year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
- Ummmm... me. Doesn't get much closer than that. I also had a handful of close friends who had babies or became pregnant! It was a great year for pregnancy.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
- Thankfully, no. I hope to have the same answer for 2013.
5. What countries did you visit?
- For the first time since 2009, we didn't go out of the country. Our almost-yearly visits to Jamaica have been put on hold for a bit.
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
- A higher level job. It's about time for me to start moving up...
7. What date from 2012 will remain etched in your memory, and why?
-There are a few: June 12, the day I went into the hospital. July 9- the day Emma was born, August 1- the day Emma came home from the hospital
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- Staying pregnant for four weeks after going into preterm labor. And delivering a baby naturally with no drugs (against my will! lol)
9. What was your biggest failure?
- Being pregnant. I really sucked at it.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
- Well, lets's see- I burned the bajeebers out of my hand while making dinner one night. I also dealt with pre-eclampsia and preterm labor.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
- Oh, man. That's a tough one... it's a toss-up between my Little Castle glider and my Kindle Paperwhite.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
- SO MANY PEOPLE. Everyone who offered support, prayers, and encouragement while I was in the hospital and Emma was in the NICU. The people who visited me at the hospital. My aunt and cousin who sent me an amazing care basket of goodies... I was overwhelmed at the kindness of everyone.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
- A handful of people during election time. It made me realize that most people aren't free thinkers, but rather mindless parts of a group. Lemmings, if you will.
14. Where did most of your money go?
- Aside from the mortgage, car payments, etc... putting together the nursery. Medical bills. Baby stuff.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- Bringing Emma home from the NICU!
16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
- "There can be Miracles" from the Prince of Egypt
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder: Happier! Although I was happy this time last year, I was also nervous because I was newly pregnant. Now I have a funny little baby to make me smile all day!
Thinner or fatter? Thinner. Like getting-my-thyroid-checked and my-clothes-don't-fit-me thinner. Ugh.
Richer or poorer? Poorer. Babies are expensive!
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
- In the beginning of the year- blogging. Towards the end of the year- sleeping.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
- waking up and going to sleep in a hospital.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
- Christmas Eve at my parents' house. Then opening gifts that night. Then Christmas day with my in-laws.
21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
- YES. I felt a kind of love I never knew existed; one that will stay with me forever. The love of a mother.
22. How many one-night stands?
- TOO MANY TO COUNT! Oh, wait. No. None. Ewwwwwww.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
- Mad Men. Jon Hamm...*swoon*
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
- Hate is a strong word. But let's put it this way: there are people that I view more negatively now than I did a year ago.
25. What was the best book you read?
- Darn. I don't remember when I finished The Hunger Games... but we'll pretend like I finished it before 1/1.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
- Broken Bells!
27. What did you want and get?
- A baby. Duh. And a vintage Barbie doll! And a Coach leather diaper bag :)
28. What did you want and not get?
- A full-term baby.
29. What was your favorite film?
- UGH. I'm not a movie person... I don't even remember what movies I watched last year...
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
- Oh, sad. I spent it in the hospital, but my family came for a visit and hubby spent the day with me!
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying?
- Again, a full-term baby. And a healthy pregnancy. That would have helped immensely.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
- Maternity blah. Flats. Flowy shirts. Awful pants. After the baby? My clothes were all too big and baggy. It wasn't a great fashion year for me.
33. What kept you sane?
- My husband, my family, and a job that was flexible enough to allow me to return to work when I couldn't afford to not work any longer, yet allowed me to work from home and do what I could when I could.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
- I'm beginning to think these questions were written by someone British... but, Jon Hamm. *swoon again*
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
- Don't get me started. Gay rights... or should I say, civil rights?
36. Who did you miss?
- My best friend. I didn't get to see her enough :(
37. Who was the best new person you met?
- Hmmmmm... I didn't meet a lot of new people in 2012. But my new coworkers are fantastic. And there were some truly amazing nurses at the hospital and in the NICU.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:
- There were many more than one: Everything really, truly happens for a reason. Having a positive attitude can make any tough situation easier. It could always be worse. Be grateful for what you have and don't whine about the way you think things should be. Don't judge others based off of an assumption.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
- Well, that's an easy one! "There can be miracles, when you believe. Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill. Who know what miracles you can achieve. When you believe, somehow you will. You will when you believe."
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Hello, 2013.
Oh, god. Where has the time gone?
I've been sucked into a time warp thanks to a sick baby, some good books, and two four-day weekends in a row. I'm glad the whirlwind of the holidays is over but the aftermath isn't quite so pretty... especially since crazy baby has been sick. STILL.
Yep, three weeks of unsettled, cranky, whiny, grunty, congested baby. And in that three weeks, I've bought an insane amount of remedies and baby gear- anything to make my sweet little buttercup feel better- and shifted my theory on what was bothering her about a bajillion times. You see, this cold that she has (maybe it's allergies? I'm still not sure!) has been super sneaky. It started with her having difficulty going back to sleep when she'd wake up for her nighttime bottle. Then cranky bedtime and sleeping all night. Her congestion didn't seem bad until recently, but it was always there. I just didn't think it was bad enough to cause her to be so darned restless and irritable, but I was apparently wrong. She may also be teething, but the verdict is still out on that one. Over the last few days, the junk in the back of her throat has gotten worse, to the point where she just can't clear it out and it really pisses her off. I'm certain it'd piss me off too if I had thick phlegm in the back of my throat and I couldn't do anything to get rid of it.
So, really, my last three weeks have consisted of a lot of the following: rocking, swaying, jiggling, feeding, soothing, shushing, patting, walking. And using the humidifier, baby rub, teething tablets, wet washcloth, Colic Calm, Tylenol (waste of time), saline, and the bulb syringe. And there is nothing on the face of this earth that enrages my child more than the bulb syringe... I'm seriously looking forward to the arrival of her Nose Frida on Monday. Google that... now. Yep- it's basically a snot sucker, and apparently it works wonders. Since Emma hates the bulb syringe so much, I feel the snot sucker is worth a try and will hopefully eliminate most of the risk of poking out her eyeball with the bulb syringe while she shakes her head back and forth trying to avoid my attack. She's also caught on to the fact that she can swat the bulb away with her hands.
*sigh* These are the things people forget to tell you about having young children. Or at least the things people forgot to tell me. That when your almost-six-month-old baby gets sick, all of your determination to get her to be an independent sleeper will fly right out the window along with all of the money you're going to spend on any product promising to make your child feel better.
I seriously took for granted the days when she was such a fantastic sleeper- up at 7:30am, one hour nap about an hour or two after that, cat nap at lunch time, three hour nap in the afternoon, in bed by 8. She's been a swing sleeper for her naps for about the last week, and last night she slept in her swing all night. I was able to turn off the swing after she had fallen asleep, but it keeps her at an angle that prevents the junk in her throat from choking her and waking her up. So I'm seriously terrified that we're going to have a loooooooong and painful process of getting her to sleep in her crib again. I'm hoping this cold doesn't last much longer. Three weeks is ridiculous.
We're putting prune juice concentrate in her morning bottle so that she isn't pooping rocks anymore. Since we've started doing that, she hasn't been grunting and whining all day anymore. She still doesn't feel well and so she gets fussy once her excitement about a new activity has worn off, but it isn't a full day of grunting. The prune concentrate turns her bottle a nice coffee color, so apparently she's joining me and my morning coffee habit. Her "morning cup of joe" reminds me of her morning dose of caffeine in the NICU for her apnea episodes... ah, the NICU days. It's crazy to think that her cold has lasted for almost as long as her entire NICU stay. These past three weeks have felt like half the amount of time she spent in that place.
On the development stuff... she's about a few weeks to a month behind on her gross motor skills for her actual age, which is to be expected. In fact, she's still technically one month ahead. Her fine motor skills are fantastic- she can look at something, decide she wants it, and lean forward and reach for it. Grab it. Pull it to her mouth. She seriously just wants to eat the whole world, or at least gum it and see how it tastes. She's incredibly aware of her surroundings and can track fast-moving objects and people walking around the room. If you stand near her and talk, she'll divert her attention to you and look up directly into your face. She'll hold your gaze for a while. She giggles like none other. She holds her head and chest up while on her tummy like she's been doing it her whole life. If someone's holding her and a second person walks up and talks to her, she'll smile with her whole mouth open, kick her feet, turn her head away, and hit the person holding her with both hands... she gets overwhelmed with happiness sometimes. She has clear likes and dislikes and starts to whine when she wants something. She isn't rolling over yet, but she's still pretty close. And she's not babbling yet either, but that tongue is doing some fancy work in that little mouth of hers so I'm thinking she'll start making more consonant sounds soon. She's definitely sharp as a tack, though and you can really see her gears turning when she's presented with something new or interesting.
*Incoming obligatory New Year ramblings*
2012. What a year. On 12/31/11, I was at a New Year's Eve party with my two fellow preggos, watching a bunch of people we didn't know get embarrassingly drunk. I drove my sleeping husband home at 3am while terrified of the drunks on the road, relieved to have made it home alive and in one piece. This year, I sipped some champagne with dinner and held my breath while the baby settled in to her crib to sleep and the fireworks outside sounded like bombs going off in her nursery. I needed a nap before the ball dropped. Hubby woke me up in time to wipe the sleepiness out of my eyes before midnight, then we shared our midnight kiss which has been the tradition for the past six (now seven) New Year's Eves we've spent together. I sipped more champagne, then made my way into bed, angrily Facebooking about the fireworks that needed to stop because my sick child was trying to sleep. What a world of difference from the year before.
But 2012 is a year I'll never forget. It was the year I became a mommy, and not just a normal first-time mommy, but a first-time mommy to a preemie. I knew I'd be spending the night in the hospital for the first time ever when I delivered her, but had no clue that I'd actually end up spending 28 nights in the hospital for myself, and a bunch more with her. 2012 was the year of learning just how much I'm able to handle. How I can go into survival mode and just make it through. Of knowing that there is always the other end of every ordeal, despite not knowing what that other end will look like.
I learned what real friendship is about. I was humbled by the amount of people who prayed for me, encouraged me, and tried to make me smile in a very dark and anxiety-ridden time. But I also realized that it's fully possible for someone to rejoice in another's good fortune even when your own circumstances suck. And that I have zero room in my life for negative people. I grew closer to my husband than I ever thought possible. I watched him transform into the loving father I knew he'd be, but even more so than I ever imagined. I also experienced a kind of love I've never felt before- the love that a mother feels towards her child.
My visions of a healthy baby and breastfeeding didn't come to fruition, at least not in the way I pictured it. I never thought I'd be buying formula and mixing bottles day after day... or reviving my child multiple times a day for that matter.
Aside from the baby stuff, I took a leap of faith and made a decision to move back to my "home" at work. I wasn't immediately sure that it was the right decision. But by the time the end of the year rolled around, I knew it was right. It was like jumping off a cliff and hoping the parachute opens... and it did.
On a lighter note, there were lots of other things I never anticipated... like baby poop under my fingernail during a diaper change in the back of my mom's minivan in the Target parking lot. Bath poop. Learning that my cleavage creates a perfect funnel for baby vomit. Learning the hard way that lifting the baby up over your head and then slowly lowering her for a kiss on the cheek directly after feeding her is a sure-fire way to get baby vomit all over your face, up your nose, and in your hair. That baby hands inevitably grab and rip chunks of hair out of your head in a split second. Making a baby laugh while feeding results in formula being sputtered all over your face. And the sound of my own child giggling is by far the sweetest sound I've ever heard.
2012. The year of everything unanticipated. The year that knocked me off my feet (quite literally, when you consider the hospital bed rest), spun me around, and showed me no mercy. Yet, ended in such a great place (minus the baby sickies).
I really hope 2013 is... more predictable. Please, for the love of God... no more surprises!
I've been sucked into a time warp thanks to a sick baby, some good books, and two four-day weekends in a row. I'm glad the whirlwind of the holidays is over but the aftermath isn't quite so pretty... especially since crazy baby has been sick. STILL.
Yep, three weeks of unsettled, cranky, whiny, grunty, congested baby. And in that three weeks, I've bought an insane amount of remedies and baby gear- anything to make my sweet little buttercup feel better- and shifted my theory on what was bothering her about a bajillion times. You see, this cold that she has (maybe it's allergies? I'm still not sure!) has been super sneaky. It started with her having difficulty going back to sleep when she'd wake up for her nighttime bottle. Then cranky bedtime and sleeping all night. Her congestion didn't seem bad until recently, but it was always there. I just didn't think it was bad enough to cause her to be so darned restless and irritable, but I was apparently wrong. She may also be teething, but the verdict is still out on that one. Over the last few days, the junk in the back of her throat has gotten worse, to the point where she just can't clear it out and it really pisses her off. I'm certain it'd piss me off too if I had thick phlegm in the back of my throat and I couldn't do anything to get rid of it.
So, really, my last three weeks have consisted of a lot of the following: rocking, swaying, jiggling, feeding, soothing, shushing, patting, walking. And using the humidifier, baby rub, teething tablets, wet washcloth, Colic Calm, Tylenol (waste of time), saline, and the bulb syringe. And there is nothing on the face of this earth that enrages my child more than the bulb syringe... I'm seriously looking forward to the arrival of her Nose Frida on Monday. Google that... now. Yep- it's basically a snot sucker, and apparently it works wonders. Since Emma hates the bulb syringe so much, I feel the snot sucker is worth a try and will hopefully eliminate most of the risk of poking out her eyeball with the bulb syringe while she shakes her head back and forth trying to avoid my attack. She's also caught on to the fact that she can swat the bulb away with her hands.
*sigh* These are the things people forget to tell you about having young children. Or at least the things people forgot to tell me. That when your almost-six-month-old baby gets sick, all of your determination to get her to be an independent sleeper will fly right out the window along with all of the money you're going to spend on any product promising to make your child feel better.
I seriously took for granted the days when she was such a fantastic sleeper- up at 7:30am, one hour nap about an hour or two after that, cat nap at lunch time, three hour nap in the afternoon, in bed by 8. She's been a swing sleeper for her naps for about the last week, and last night she slept in her swing all night. I was able to turn off the swing after she had fallen asleep, but it keeps her at an angle that prevents the junk in her throat from choking her and waking her up. So I'm seriously terrified that we're going to have a loooooooong and painful process of getting her to sleep in her crib again. I'm hoping this cold doesn't last much longer. Three weeks is ridiculous.
We're putting prune juice concentrate in her morning bottle so that she isn't pooping rocks anymore. Since we've started doing that, she hasn't been grunting and whining all day anymore. She still doesn't feel well and so she gets fussy once her excitement about a new activity has worn off, but it isn't a full day of grunting. The prune concentrate turns her bottle a nice coffee color, so apparently she's joining me and my morning coffee habit. Her "morning cup of joe" reminds me of her morning dose of caffeine in the NICU for her apnea episodes... ah, the NICU days. It's crazy to think that her cold has lasted for almost as long as her entire NICU stay. These past three weeks have felt like half the amount of time she spent in that place.
On the development stuff... she's about a few weeks to a month behind on her gross motor skills for her actual age, which is to be expected. In fact, she's still technically one month ahead. Her fine motor skills are fantastic- she can look at something, decide she wants it, and lean forward and reach for it. Grab it. Pull it to her mouth. She seriously just wants to eat the whole world, or at least gum it and see how it tastes. She's incredibly aware of her surroundings and can track fast-moving objects and people walking around the room. If you stand near her and talk, she'll divert her attention to you and look up directly into your face. She'll hold your gaze for a while. She giggles like none other. She holds her head and chest up while on her tummy like she's been doing it her whole life. If someone's holding her and a second person walks up and talks to her, she'll smile with her whole mouth open, kick her feet, turn her head away, and hit the person holding her with both hands... she gets overwhelmed with happiness sometimes. She has clear likes and dislikes and starts to whine when she wants something. She isn't rolling over yet, but she's still pretty close. And she's not babbling yet either, but that tongue is doing some fancy work in that little mouth of hers so I'm thinking she'll start making more consonant sounds soon. She's definitely sharp as a tack, though and you can really see her gears turning when she's presented with something new or interesting.
*Incoming obligatory New Year ramblings*
2012. What a year. On 12/31/11, I was at a New Year's Eve party with my two fellow preggos, watching a bunch of people we didn't know get embarrassingly drunk. I drove my sleeping husband home at 3am while terrified of the drunks on the road, relieved to have made it home alive and in one piece. This year, I sipped some champagne with dinner and held my breath while the baby settled in to her crib to sleep and the fireworks outside sounded like bombs going off in her nursery. I needed a nap before the ball dropped. Hubby woke me up in time to wipe the sleepiness out of my eyes before midnight, then we shared our midnight kiss which has been the tradition for the past six (now seven) New Year's Eves we've spent together. I sipped more champagne, then made my way into bed, angrily Facebooking about the fireworks that needed to stop because my sick child was trying to sleep. What a world of difference from the year before.
But 2012 is a year I'll never forget. It was the year I became a mommy, and not just a normal first-time mommy, but a first-time mommy to a preemie. I knew I'd be spending the night in the hospital for the first time ever when I delivered her, but had no clue that I'd actually end up spending 28 nights in the hospital for myself, and a bunch more with her. 2012 was the year of learning just how much I'm able to handle. How I can go into survival mode and just make it through. Of knowing that there is always the other end of every ordeal, despite not knowing what that other end will look like.
I learned what real friendship is about. I was humbled by the amount of people who prayed for me, encouraged me, and tried to make me smile in a very dark and anxiety-ridden time. But I also realized that it's fully possible for someone to rejoice in another's good fortune even when your own circumstances suck. And that I have zero room in my life for negative people. I grew closer to my husband than I ever thought possible. I watched him transform into the loving father I knew he'd be, but even more so than I ever imagined. I also experienced a kind of love I've never felt before- the love that a mother feels towards her child.
My visions of a healthy baby and breastfeeding didn't come to fruition, at least not in the way I pictured it. I never thought I'd be buying formula and mixing bottles day after day... or reviving my child multiple times a day for that matter.
Aside from the baby stuff, I took a leap of faith and made a decision to move back to my "home" at work. I wasn't immediately sure that it was the right decision. But by the time the end of the year rolled around, I knew it was right. It was like jumping off a cliff and hoping the parachute opens... and it did.
On a lighter note, there were lots of other things I never anticipated... like baby poop under my fingernail during a diaper change in the back of my mom's minivan in the Target parking lot. Bath poop. Learning that my cleavage creates a perfect funnel for baby vomit. Learning the hard way that lifting the baby up over your head and then slowly lowering her for a kiss on the cheek directly after feeding her is a sure-fire way to get baby vomit all over your face, up your nose, and in your hair. That baby hands inevitably grab and rip chunks of hair out of your head in a split second. Making a baby laugh while feeding results in formula being sputtered all over your face. And the sound of my own child giggling is by far the sweetest sound I've ever heard.
2012. The year of everything unanticipated. The year that knocked me off my feet (quite literally, when you consider the hospital bed rest), spun me around, and showed me no mercy. Yet, ended in such a great place (minus the baby sickies).
I really hope 2013 is... more predictable. Please, for the love of God... no more surprises!
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