Flippity Flop

Time to bare my soul to the blogosphere for the 800th time...

I admit it: I'm a big-time flip-flopper of a mom. I've been repeatedly told that Geminis (which I am) are wishy-washy and, well... guilty as charged. Call it what you want, but I can't seem to make a major parenting decision without changing my mind a billion times. Why? After some soul searching, I realized... it's because my heart tells me one thing, and the interwebs tell me another. Solution? Go with the heart.

At one point, I identified myself as being a middle-ground parent... somewhere between parent-led scheduling and attachment parenting. But there's nothing like a training on attachment-based therapy to make you question every single choice you've made as a parent in an attempt to help your child be independent. Serious face-palm.

I found myself trying to figure out how to correct the bad habit of giving the toddler/baby a bottle and rocking her to sleep for every nap and at bedtime and then I caught myself. Bad habit?! BAD?! Lord, have mercy.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this is in no way a bad habit. How on earth could it be bad that the last thing my little angel sees before her eyes grow too heavy to stay open is her mommy smiling down at her? The last thing she hears is mommy humming her some lullabies? The last thing she smells is my skin (and probably the milk that inevitably ends up on my shirt)? That the last thing she feels is my warmth, my touch, my love... HOW IS THAT BAD?!?!?!

I've always taken her lead. There was a point in time when she didn't want me to hold her at bedtime and she much preferred to wiggle herself to sleep in her crib. We did that for a while, until she had her sleep regression at about 11 months. That was when she impulsively rolled over, sat herself up, and wailed like a banshee because she was tired but couldn't stop herself from sitting up like a big girl. That's when I began my "bad habit" of rocking her to sleep and we've maintained that ever since, with a few exceptions. There have been a few nights that she is too wound up to be rocked to sleep, and she'd prefer to sit in her crib and play with her Chubby Bunny until she falls asleep. But that's not often.

But you know what? She's in bed around 7:30 or 8:00 most nights and sleeps until about 7:00 or 7:30 with barely a peep. Sometimes she'll wake up extra early, but will put herself back to sleep (like this morning, THANK GOD). So my "bad habit" doesn't seem to have any ill effect on her at all.

Babies are not meant to be convenient. In a world in which most parents work outside of the home, we've suddenly adopted a philosophy of trying to have these little independent mini-adults running around so that we get our precious sleep and don't have to deal anything inconvenient. Pfffttt... that's absolutely silly. Bring on the full parenting experience- I signed up to be a parent, not a babysitter.

So I flip-flopped a hundred times about whether or not to start putting her in her crib awake instead of rocking her to sleep. My final decision is to rock her to sleep... she won't be in high school and need me to rock her to sleep. And when she's in high school, I'll so sorely miss these times.

My latest flip-flopping is about her bottles. She has finally (hallelujah) started drinking from a straw cup and still despises sippy cups. Whatever, I'll take what I can get at this point... but I've still been giving her milk in a bottle at nap time and bed time and for some reason this bothered me. Again, thanks to the interwebs for putting it into my mind that my child is supposed to be broken of the "bottle habit" at 12 months. Nah. She's fine... the only thing I do worry about is her teeth, but at least she doesn't fall asleep with the bottle in her mouth. She finished her milk and then drifts off to sleep... I brush her teeth every night. But I should probably give her a sip of water after her bedtime bottle for extra protection against bottle rot. Anyways... I read some stuff online today that made so much sense- why take away something that comforts her? She'll grow out of it and decide when she no longer needs it. I definitely trust that- she certainly tells us when she's had enough of something. She broke herself of the pacifier habit at only a few months of age. I found a pacifier and gave it to her to see what she would do, and she chewed on the plastic part and clearly had no idea what it was intended for. Then she threw it and moved on with her little life.

So that's where I stand- I'm going to continue to be the horrible mother who gives her one-year-old a bottle and rocks her to sleep every night. Jeez, someone should take away my parenting license pronto before I start getting really crazy and doing something like holding her when she's being clingy. The horror.

Alright. Moving right along...

New developments: Baby Bird points with her fat little index finger now. And her little thumb sticks out too (making an "L" shape) so I've been trying to teach her to say "pew pew pew" while she's pointing at things so it makes it look like she's shooting an imaginary gun. I should probably stop encouraging that.
She's been making strides with eating table food, and she apparently loves anything covered in tomato sauce, go figure. She ate veggie pasta with tomato sauce the other night and I couldn't give it to her fast enough. I'm not even sure if she really even chewed it... her days of gagging on everything are behind us. HOORAY!!! She ate tortellini a few weeks ago and I seriously thought I was going to do a victory lap around the house. I had the urge to call everyone who cared and tell them about my amazing child that just ate three tortellini. I'm so serious, too- I haven't been that excited about something in a very long time.
She's still not walking, and I don't even care. Really, I don't... she's doing it in her own time and is getting closer day-by-day so I'm not at all concerned. She recently started cruising on furniture a lot more, and letting go of one piece of furniture to switch over to another one nearby. She's also being daring and letting go of her support to stand on her own for a few seconds at a time.
She's talking up a storm now, too. She has little conversations with herself about whatever she's playing with and you can easily tell the emotion behind her gibberish- sometimes she's clearly happy, and other times she's a little peeved or confused.
Her favorite things in the whole world are birds. Specifically, big, black, loud crows. She was sitting in her highchair yesterday morning eating her breakfast and watching outside to see if one of the crows would land on the lightpost. I was in the kitchen getting everything ready for the day, when I heard her excitedly say "bird!" I looked over and she was pointing out the sliding glass door, and there was a giant crow perched on top of the lightpost. She also pointed at the dog the other morning and said "puppy." So stinking cute.
She's still holding steady at six words- puppy, mommy, bird, daddy, hi, and night-night. "Baby" may be the next one, but I'm not sure on that yet.
Her favorite person in the world is apparently her Grammy. She hadn't seen her Grammy in a week, and wanted nothing to do with anyone or anything other than her Grammy yesterday morning. I ceased to exist the moment she saw her and she wouldn't let anyone else hold her, nor would she let Grammy put her down. I'm pretty sure she made her Grammy's day. I happen to love her Grammy too, so we have that in common :)
She has also discovered how to put things into other things... like putting blocks into a bucket, and then dumping them out. We have this Fischer Price activity barn and one side has a cow's face with an open mouth and you can feed it little plastic veggies. She picked up on that and does it all the time (and it's really not that easy). The other side has a chicken with a little chute underneath it and a basket at the bottom. There are plastic slightly-larger-than-life-sized eggs that you can put down the chute so they land in the basket. She's mastered that too. She can work buttons, switches, and is starting to try shape-sorting, although she's a long way from mastering that.
AND. She likes me to hold her now. :) She gives lots of kisses, and clings to me at times.

So, yea. Life is wonderful... I've never felt so much love in my heart and I feel so lucky to have such a cute, sweet, beautiful, amazing child. When I'm being a horrible mother and rocking her while she sleeps at night, I remind myself how fortunate I am to have my little cuddle bug in my arms and to have had another day with her in my life. My arms were empty for years and I longed to hold a child of my own. Now I'm never going to let her go...
(holy sappiness.)