Forward, March!

I often feel like a cow that's hooked up to those automatic milking machines... technically, the only different between me and said cow is that I'm not actually a cow. Everything else: mostly the same between us.

• Emma update! Ready... begin! She's still doing well overall- she had a couple of minor brady's last night but the doctor is not concerned about them. He said her feeds would continue to be increased and that she would be on a "full feed" of 38mL in about 36 hours or so if she continued to tolerate her feedings. And at that point, she could be weaned from the isolette and put into a crib! She also gained 3oz in one day and is 1oz away from her birth weight of 4lb 5oz!!! Grow baby, grow! She had 5mL's of residual left in her tummy from her 8am feed so I was worried that she was starting to have digestive issues, on top of the fact that she also had some loops in her intestines that could have been indicative of a blockage or digestive problems. So I just called her night shift nurse, who reported that all is well!! She has had no residuals since this morning and is up to 18mL feeds now. As long as she tolerates the next one, she'll be in her crib tonight just like a big girl. Oh. My. God. I imagine it'll be an amazing feeling when I see her in her little crib for the first time and I don't have to reach in through arm holes reminiscent of what you would use to work with toxic chemicals in a lab. Now I can just reach into a crib (a CRIB!!!) to touch her and talk to her without having to crouch down so she could hear me through the open arm hole. Also, once she's up to full feeds, her IV fluids will be discontinued and about 24 hours after that, provided that all goes well of course, her IV line can be taken out! Holy smokes, Batman! I can't believe how quickly she's making progress. Alright, so I may be getting ahead of myself... after all, they say "never trust a preemie" because things can go really well and then suddenly go really poorly. But there are so many good things on the horizon and I have to cling to the hope that things go well. And if they do, it feels like we're getting so much closer to her coming home. More on that to come...
•  So she's all nice and comfy cozy in her new apartment on the third floor. We went to see her this morning (hubby has Tuesdays off) and she was just waking up in her isolette. They had a shirt on her (noooooooo! I was hoping they'd just wait for us to bring something for her to wear. oh, well) and it was almost time for her hands-on. We met her nurse who, ugh, was pretty obnoxious and a little overzealous about things. She somewhat chastised us for waking her up, stating that Emma needed her energy to digest her last feed, and asked that we wait another 15 minutes until her hands-on to keep her awake. Except, she woke herself up! That frustrates me, and I guess I'm going to have to find a better way to balance my "but I'm her mother!" reflex and let the nurses be the experts for now. Whatever. Anyways- she ate all but 5mL's of her 15mL feed from 8am but she was also on her back. She digests better when she's on her tummy and it wasn't until she had been put on her tummy for the first time that she started digesting well. But we did her hands-on time and she was wide awake again and looking all around. Daddy gave her the purple pacifier and started going nuts on it. The nurse remarked that she must like the purple one better than the green one, which has a larger nipple on it, because she didn't take to the green one earlier. I suggested that hubby give her the green one, and she went to town on that one too! This kid absolutely positively loves her daddy and it's so touching to me! She stares at his face and gets really wiggly and active when he's near her. I love watching it :)
• Her daddy held her first and did some k-care style skin-to-skin. She stayed awake for a little while and stared at him, especially when he would talk- he spoke softly to her while he rocked her and my heart melted from behind the curtain (I was pumping. What else is new...). She got the hiccups again and we both chuckled because, believe me, it is just the cutest little thing ever. She also makes the most adorable sounds with her mouth and occasionally puckers up and makes a little kissy face and kissy sounds. It's a real treat when it happens because it's just like she's making air kisses. After a little while, she fell asleep with her mouth wide open again. After a little over an hour, it was mommy's turn to hold her! As usual, I didn't hold her for long, though, because her respiration rate kept dropping and her breathing sounded funny. I knew I should have just followed my instincts with her position- it didn't seem right to me but the nurse (not the obnoxious one but one that was filling in while the obnoxious one was at a meeting) insisted that she was in a perfect position. So instead of having her continue to have issues breathing, I decided we should just put her back in her isolette. I hate having to put her back! After she was put back in her isolette, it was time to get dressed in her onesie! The fill-in nurse showed me how to do it while minding the wires... I think I'll be a diaper-changing baby-dressing pro after having to change a diaper and clothe a teensy tiny and very wiggly little preemie covered in wires. So she's wearing her big girl clothes now! Well, I guess preemie sized clothing isn't really "big" girl clothing but it's better than just a diaper. She should actually be able to start wearing some newborn clothes in about a week or less, especially if she continues to gain weight so quickly! And hopefully that also means that she'll grow into her newborn diapers too- she's too big for preemie diapers (if she has a big butt, she didn't get it from me) but the newborn ones are a bit big on her. They at least contain all of the bodily functions that fill them.
• Her daddy and I agree that we had no idea just how much we'd love her. I guess it's just not something you can imagine until you feel it... we just can't wait for her to be home. It feels like a privilege to get to go see her and hold her for an hour or so, and to have her home where we can hold her whenever we want and see her all day and all night is just an amazing prospect. There are a lot of cute clothes, soft blankets, and a pretty nursery waiting for her at home! I reeeeaaaaaaallllllllyyyyy hope she's home before our 4 year wedding anniversary on 8/3!

Picture time!!!

 Monday 7/16 with her "hater blockers" on. She looks huge here, but don't be fooled!

 It's not Instagram, my phone decided to get all grainy on me. 7/16 kangaroo with mommy and sleeping soundly :)

 The blue bili light under her... the doctor discontinued the overhead light but kept her on the blue light for a few more hours on 7/16.

 In her big girl onesie on 7/17! And now her feeding tube is through her nose instead of her mouth. Now she can suck on her pacifier without a tube in the way ;)

 Again... those eyes. I'm so in love with this kid.