Eyes on the Prize

Happy Fourth of July!
This was definitely the most interesting and (sadly) memorable 4th of July of my life thus far... I'll definitely never forget this one. It wasn't a bad day, though- hubby came this afternoon and brought me some McDonald's chicken nuggets (that pregnancy diet again) and we hung out for a bit. He took me outside into the garden and we talked and laughed as usual. And then he bought me a lemonade from the cafeteria and I almost died because it was so good... lemonade has been one of my most consistent pregnancy cravings and I was bummed to learn that it's not available via room service here at the hospital. But alas, they have real lemonade in the cafeteria! Woohoo! I snuggled with him again and took deep breaths of his shirt, and this time he knew that it wasn't because he smelled bad, but because he smelled wonderful to me :)
He called me from home and told me that the neighborhood sounded like a war zone. Ah, the perks of living in suburbia- the residents go above and beyond for the major holidays and try to outdo one another year after year. Last year, hubby and I sat on the patio for a bit to watch the fireworks around the neighborhood while puppy spent some time outside with us on the outdoor loveseat. If we sit on it and it resembles a couch, she demands to be with us. She'll even sit with us when we have bonfires in the winter time and I swear it can't be comfortable for her because her little nose gets so warm, but as long as she's with us on the loveseat, she'd let her nose burn off. I miss that puppy! Anyways, hubby skyped me the fireworks from the patio tonight. It was very sweet of him... he then went into Emma's room and showed me around. He sat in the rocker in the corner so I could see what it's like to sit there. I also had him show me our room and our bed... ah, home... how I miss it so much! I just want to dive into our bed, sink into the foam, and have my puppy uncomfortably stomp on my belly in an attempt to get me to scratch her tummy.
My spirits were much better today than they were yesterday. I just have good days and bad, and yesterday was bad. My lovely Aunt Sharon was right on the money when she mentioned via facebook that the hormones may have something to do with it, and she's absolutely right. But I feel better today. I think I was caught off guard at the fact that there's no chance I'm going home pregnant, even with all of the recent improvements with my health. Thinking back, the MFM mentioned that pre-e is progressive and that I'm on a major dose of anti-hypertensive medication. I looked it up and he's right- I'm on the maximum dose of Procardia XL and my BP's still fluctuate a little bit. They're stable, but higher than you would expect for someone of my stature on such a high dose. My wonderful tech just came in and did my BP, and it was 137/87... see what I mean? When I was first put on the procardia at admission, it went down into the 110's-120's over 60's but has slowly crept up since then. It's still not in the danger zone by any means, but it's higher than I think they want it to be given the amount of medication I'm on. So I guess that's a big contributing factor to my continued imprisonment. I know I shouldn't refer to my hospital stay as "imprisonment" but it's kind of a tongue-in-cheek statement.
Strangely, what made me feel a lot better today was the OB telling me that they won't let me go longer than 37 weeks before delivering. If I make it that far, they'll prep me for induction the night of 36 weeks and 6 days (August 11) and will start the Pitocin early the next day. Finally some sort of tangible end! Obviously there's a good chance I'll deliver before then, but I guess I felt as if I were running a race with no end. I knew that I wouldn't remain pregnant and in the hospital forever, but having no clue when this ordeal will end was difficult to grasp and deal with. But now there's a date! August 12th! 39 days! I do have to say a HUGE thanks to my friends and family who were so encouraging to me last night and through this whole process. I'm humbled beyond belief and so grateful for each and every one of you... I took for granted how blessed I am to have such amazing people in my life.
That brought on a whole new mindframe for me... I'm much more "eyes on the prize" than I had been for the last few days. My job right now is to rest and bake this bun for as long as possible. And my second job is to eat junk food. God, I'm going to be a whale by the time this is over.
Monitoring was alright today, although both sessions were longer than 20 minutes because Emma was sleepy and I was contracting a bit. Nothing major though and no calls to the OB that I know of. My contractions are slowly changing, though, and they feel a little more crampy. However, I don't think anything major is happening. Emma was sleepy during tonight's session and wouldn't you know, the instant those monitors came off she started dancing around. She's still moving around a lot and it gets downright uncomfortable at times. Some body part has been rolling back and forth very low in my belly and it's awkward and uncomfortable. But then I giggle a little because she's so cute and silly. I have an ultrasound tomorrow so I'll get to find out how big Emma is and hopefully figure out what body parts are where. It's another photo shoot and I can't wait to see what cute little things she'll do this time. Hopefully she'll wink at me again or open and close her mouth- those are the cutest things ever. This will be my TENTH ultrasound for this pregnancy.
Emma: keep having fun in there, baby girl. You're so beautiful and I love you so much... I want to hold you and feed you after you're born, not have you whisked away by nurses to be poked with needles and hooked up to tubes and wires. And to be able to do that, I'll lie in this hospital bed for as long as I need to and endure whatever they need me to do. You're worth it, honey, and you always will be. I love you like I love daddy- with every fiber of my soul. You're my miracle :)