Since the last few days have gone well, minus a few minor hiccups, I guess I started getting a bit of a false sense of security about this situation. The OB and perinatologist didn't mention anything about the possibility of going home, which I assume is attributed to the fact that I had some pretty frequent contractions yesterday. The perinatologist also talked about when my pre-e becomes severe, not if it becomes severe, and reflected that he's hopeful that we can get another two weeks out of this pregnancy. *cue sound of a record skreeching to a halt* Here I was, mentally hunkering down for a long stretch of weeks and weeks of hospital bed rest and here the doctor is talking about two weeks. Obviously he's probably just being extra cautious and doesn't want me to get my hopes up. I'm going to continue to believe that I'll be here for a long time, although honestly, I don't think it has completely sunk in yet because it's really difficult to picture life in this hospital room for another couple of weeks, yet it's equally difficult to picture delivering Emma any time soon and having to spend weeks in the NICU with her. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other.
And then I started getting contractions again tonight, but this time they were stronger and closer together. I ended up being on the monitor for about two hours and had to have another shot of evil terb, which stopped the contractions. But of course, I felt shaky, anxious, and my heart was racing for about an hour and a half after the shot. It also interrupted my delicious chicken wing dinner- they hooked me up to the monitor as hubby arrived for his weekend visit (ugh, so much like jail! Not that I would know what jail is like, I promise) so he rationed out my wings to eat while I was monitored. But when the contractions started and didn't stop, eating was out of the question because I had to lie back a little and turn on my side, out of reach of my chicken. By the time all was said and done, I felt so crappy that I really didn't feel like finishing my last few wings, which were sadly sacrificed to the trash can.
I love having hubby here. It's nice to cuddle with him and hug him... I close my eyes and imagine we're at home snuggling in our own bed. The only thing that's missing is my puppy :(
So I guess I don't know where I stand and the future is completely unknown. That hasn't changed at all since I've been here, but I started to believe that everything was just dandy and forgot that anything can change in an instant.
There's this country song I've heard a few times on the radio... it's basically a song sung by a father about his new son, and the lyrics talk about what this little boy would be like if he was anything like his father. Which got me thinking...
If Emma is anything like me:
She'll transition easily from blue jeans with holes in the knees to a pretty, fancy dress.
She'll be a little too emotional at times as a kid.
Climbing trees and playing in the dirt will be some of her favorite activities, along with playing dress up and tea party.
She'll scrape her knee and not care until the sight of the first spot of blood, at which time she'll scream mercilessly.
She'll want to please everyone, and won't take criticism well, especially from someone she loves.
When she gets into middle school, she'll suddenly become extremely self-conscious and care entirely too much what others think, which she'll carry with her for a long time.
She'll strongly desire to be a fashionista and will want the best and trendiest things.
She will need to know everything. Absolutely everything about everything.
She'll excel in school and miss being in the gifted program by three points.
She'll have lots of meltdowns as a teenager.
She will have the most awkwardly crooked front teeth known to man and will require braces for two years.
As the song says, God help us if she's anything like me! I can tell you this, though- she is going to be spoiled. Well behaved, but spoiled. We worked so hard to conceive her and are now going through so much to have her be healthy... I can't imagine that we'll have more children. So she'll be our one and only miracle. She really is a miracle- it's quite apparent that I wasn't designed to have children so to have a chance to be her mommy is such an amazing thing for me. We're truly blessed.
Time for bed. I have big plans for tomorrow. NOT!
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