Emma v2.0

My last post talked about weaning ourselves from Emma's monitor. Consider us weaned.

We went to the pediatrician today for Emma's 2 month well child/first round of shots visit. First let me say this: I love our pediatrician's office. There's a nurse there that just adores Emma and is always super friendly and happy. On top of that, the pediatrician is amazing and also seems to adore Emma. Anyone who loves my baby is a-ok in my book. So the nurse brought us back and told us how anxious she was to get the baby on the scale and see how much she's grown, adding that it looked like I was feeding her Miracle Gro or something. I chuckled to myself because I made a comment about her being my Miracle Gro baby in one of my previous posts. While hubby was undressing the baby and unhooking her from the monitor, the nurse again commented on how big she looks... I told her Emma was wearing a 3 month size outfit, and briefly told her about all of Emma's milestone achievements. We got her on the scale and I was hoping she'd be at least 9 1/2 pounds- I figured her growth would have slowed down now that she's not on her rice cereal anymore. Oh, how wrong I was. She weighed in at TEN pounds 3oz!!! I had another victory lap urge, but this time I resisted the urge for the fact that it would have been a little awkward and inappropriate in a doctor's office. Hmph. I can never get in a good victory lap these days. She's actually on the growth chart for her actual age now- she had been measuring in less than the fifth percentile at her last appointment. Now she's up to the 25th percentile for her actual age and is in the 86th percentile for her adjusted age (2 weeks and 4 days). At this rate, she should be measuring on target for her actual age by her 4th month! It's incredible progress, and the nurse said she has never seen a preemie make progress like this before. I'm such a proud momma! The only milestones she hasn't met yet (for her actual age) are laughing and cooing. She's on the verge of laughing at times, so it won't be long before her toothless grin is accompanied by a little chuckle. Keep in mind, she's technically only 2 weeks old. Anything that goes by her actual age instead of her adjusted age is pretty huge- so she's basically about a month and a half to two months ahead of her adjusted age with most of her milestones and about a month ahead in weight. Does that make sense? In short, she's amazing.

I told the nurse that we've been feeding her Enfamil Gentlease and that I'm nursing her as often as she'll let me, but she's not really getting enough for it to count towards her daily food intake. We went back into the exam room where she asked me some developmental questions and left until the doctor came in. Emma eagerly took a bottle and finished just in time for the doctor to come in. We asked her if we could have Emma taken off the monitor, with the expectation that she'd be hesitant, especially since Emma had an event just this morning. But much to our surprise, she wholeheartedly agreed with our position on the monitor right away. With no hesitation, she said she would write the order to discontinue the monitor and told us that she wondered about how helpful/necessary it is to send a preemie home with a monitor in the first place. So with that, our Emma was upgraded to the wireless version: Emma v2.0.

Tonight will be our first night without her monitor on her. It's sitting on the floor next to her pack n play but we aren't even going to use it for sleeping time anymore- we're done. The belt that holds the leads on her body has been irritating her skin and it's just a pain in the butt in general. But we don't have to worry about that anymore! However, we have been using her Snuza Halo today while she's napping for some peace of mind. Without it, I'd need a heavy dose of Xanax to keep me calm because I still felt some strong anxiety even with that thing clipped on her. I checked it a few times to make sure it was still working. Again- I can't shake the feeling that she's going to stop breathing and die if she doesn't have a working monitor on her.

Speaking of which, this SIDS thing is some serious business. I know many parents don't follow every recommendation and cave when they have a screaming baby that just wants to lie on their tummy/side. But, to be blunt, I'll be damned if something happens to this baby that could have easily been prevented. After everything we've been through, the last thing I want is to lose this miracle over poor sleeping conditions.

I've realized in the past few months just how much of a miracle she really is. Not only was I never supposed to be pregnant, but she was delivered so early. Without modern medicine, none of this would have happened. I still think it's cruel irony that someone who wanted to be a mother so badly that it hurt was not meant to have children. I know that phrase is a big no-no in the infertility community- don't ever tell an infertile that she's not meant to have children. Also don't tell her to just relax and she'll get pregnant, or start adoption proceedings because she'll then get pregnant. Trust me on the latter one- I'm an adoptions worker. I work with lots of families who have adopted and, surprise! None of them magically got pregnant. Anyways, the point of this little rabbit trail is this: there are things you don't say to an infertile. In the case of the "not meant to be pregnant" phrase: let that woman come to that conclusion on her own. If someone had said that to me while I was in the throes of infertility treatments, I probably would have punched them directly in the throat. But now, looking back, I realize that it's true; I'm not meant to be pregnant. So the fact that  there's a sweet little baby girl hiccuping and breathing while sitting on my husband's lap a few feet away from me is nothing short of a miracle.

I love baby bath time. I'm trying to make it a point to bathe her every night if she seems up for it, partly because I love giving her a bath and partly because I'm trying to slowly form a bedtime routine with her. Right now it's bath, swaddle, bottle, bed. She seems to like it so far. Actually, she loves her bath and my hands have been appreciating the moisturizing Aveeno baby wash since I've been washing and using hand sanitizer so often lately. She's also had a few good nights lately- she still gets very fussy in the evening but we've discovered that she calms down quite a bit if we give her something to occupy her, and at times she realizes a little while after she stops eating that she was still a little hungry. In fact, her playmat seems to make her drunk with happiness... she sat under it for about an hour the other night and hubby reported that she was happy as a clam. Prior to that, she was crying and fussing. It's like magic. All week, she slept in increments of 3 1/2 to 4 1/2 hours at night, which is a major improvement from before. Previously, she would eat every 3 hours, and sometimes more frequently than that at night. So by the time she was done eating, she'd sleep for about 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 hours and then be up again to eat, rendering me quite exhausted. But now she'll sleep for about 4 to 4 1/2 hours after her bath/swaddle/bottle/bed and then typically another 3 1/2 hours after that. She's awake more during the day, and I think that accounts for some of her better nighttime sleeping habits. Granted, I'm waiting for the day when she suddenly reverses this and decides it's more fun to act like a college kid and stay up all night and sleep all day. It's going to happen. I know it.

Picture time. It's the best part of this blog, obviously.

 Here's the magical playmat and the baby in a trance.

 She happens to have a Grammy who not only has a great sense of style, but finds awesome clothes for good prices. This also happens to be a three month sized outfit!

See how much my baby has grown?! The first picture was taken not long after she came home, and she was wearing preemie sized footie pj's. The second picture was taken today, 9/21, and her legs are scrunched up a bit more than they were in the first picture. Also notice the lack of wires! She was around 18 1/2" in the first picture and today she measured 21". Miracle Gro miracle ;)