I feel like the last month of my life has been a bizarre jumble of baby snot, vomit, and extreme baby giggles.
I've also continued to spend a ridiculous amount of money on this kid on anything and everything promising to make her feel better. The solution to cranky baby seemed to actually be free- antibiotics. Which are free from our local grocery store. I hesitated to have the script filled because she wasn't running a fever and nothing really pointed to an infection, but after four weeks of miserable, congested baby, I really didn't have much of a choice. So it could be a coincidence, and maybe she's feeling better because whatever was causing her congestion has finally run its course, or the antibiotics were really what she needed. We shall never know for sure... despite being on the mend, she's still not feeling all that great, especially at night. But it's a significant improvement over the nights of having her sleep in her swing.
Yep. She spent a few nights solely in her swing, and a few days of napping in her swing. It was incredibly difficult for me to do, because we've put so much effort into helping her become an independent crib sleeper- a baby that can peacefully sleep in her crib, put herself back to sleep if she wakes up and doesn't need to be fed, and doesn't rely on something specific to be able to sleep. She had been a pro at it, too. And yet, here I was, feeling completely defeated and plopping her into her swing for the night, thinking in the back of my mind that she would officially be a swing sleeper and we were doomed when it came time to try to transition her back into her crib. Thank God it only lasted a few days and we were able to get her to sleep in her crib again with little issue. Whew, that was close.
SLEEP: I really have to stop being such a sleep sergeant. I get far too worried about her forming bad sleep habits, and it gets me downright stressed when something disrupts her sleep. Like noise. If someone rings the doorbell during naptime, I may hurt that person. And I'm typically not violent. I also get overly frustrated when she doesn't get any good naps during the day while hubby and I are at work... I should chill out about that, but nothing sucks worse than making a 30 mile drive home at 6pm knowing that I'm going to deal with an overtired baby at home for a few hours before she finally falls asleep, only to eat a cold dinner and collapse into bed before waking up early to start a brand new day. But I do need to relax about her sleep. However, my diligence has resulted in a baby with good sleep habits. So maybe it hasn't been for naught.
Speaking of sleep, crazy baby has at least been sleeping through the night for the last few weeks. Up until the past few nights, she had been getting up at about 4 or 5am for a bottle, but lately she's been sleeping until about 7:30 or 8. This morning she snoozed until 8:30 after going to bed around 9! I wish we could get her into bed earlier, but it's just not happening. She was in bed at about 8 tonight, though, so I know she'll sleep well. That's the interesting thing about babies- they sleep better when they go to bed earlier. Definitely true in Emma's case.
STRESS: I am certainly feeling the stress of being a working mom. Out of everyone I know that has had a baby recently, all but one have been stay-at-home moms for more than just maternity leave. So not too many can relate, it seems. I hate leaving her all day... sometimes I fight back tears as I watch my mom drive away with my baby in the back of her minivan. I feel like a huge chunk of my heart is driving away with her. And it's enough to work full-time, but the added driving for dropping off the baby and picking her up is about to break me. And... did I mention I work a crazy schedule that's never regular and hardly predictable? I can go into the office in the morning, expecting to leave at a certain time, and end up leaving two hours later than I expected. So that's no fun. This has to get easier at some point, right?
FEEDING: We started crazy baby on solids again and, let me tell you, this kid loves food. She loves food like a fat kid loves food... and she's a fat kid. So she loves food. A lot. She's had peas, carrots, pears, apples, sweet potatoes, squash, bananas, rice cereal, and oatmeal. We have peaches that she'll try soon, too. And then she's on to stage 2 foods... my big girl! She's not a huge fan of rice cereal, but she loves everything else. Today, she had oatmeal and apples for lunch and squash for dinner. I haven't decided what's on the menu for tomorrow yet. But I'm certain she'll like it. She hasn't wanted her bottles quite as much lately but I don't think it has anything to do with her solid foods, since she mostly refuses her first bottle of the day. Even after not eating for 12+ hours, she typically fights her morning bottle of formula. I can't figure out why...
DEVELOPMENT: Still not rolling! I'm surprised, because she seemed so close a few weeks ago. It's not that she can't do it, it's that she won't do it. But she can tripod sit with no problem- we can sit her down and she'll lean forward and support her weight with her hands on the floor in front of her. She can also sit upright unassisted for short periods of time and will sit upright without her back leaning on something as long as she can support her weight with her arms resting on something. She also does baby sit-ups when she's sitting in her bathtub, bouncy seat, car seat, or high chair. It's absolutely hysterical to see her sitting in her carseat in the back of the car with her little head leaning forward while she tries to look around and grab at things. She has also been really concentrating on everything around her and almost looks like a mad scientist when she's trying to play. She's quite the thinker. You can see the figurative gears turning in her little head... she's really great with her hands now, too. She can reach out with one hand, grab something, and then bring it to her mouth. Over the last few days, she's perfected the skill of turning objects in different directions to look at all sides of it, and she can pass things back and forth between hands. She's a pro with those grabbers. Her new favorite activity is grabbing her feets and pulling her socks off, and occasionally she ends up chewing on her socks. Did I mention she's a fat kid? She eats everything. Literally... my face, her socks, burp cloths, washcloths, toys, her fingers, her clothes, my clothes, blankets, the floor... if she can reach it, she tries to eat it. I put her in her doorway jumper last weekend and she immediately began reaching up for the butterfly toy attached on one of the ropes just above eye-level. When she got bored of grabbing it, she did everything she could to try to get that darned thing in her mouth. Most of her day is spent with her mouth wide open while she tries to eat things... while on her tummy recently, I was shaking a toy out in front of her to get her attention. Once she realized she couldn't reach for it (because her arms were holding her up), she opened her mouth wide and leaned forward to try to eat it. My poor fat kid. And over the last few days, she's started really babbling... she doesn't really use consonants, but she's certainly trying to talk. And my God, she's loud. She just sits there and squeals and shouts, then smiles at your reaction to her. Crazy baby is one funny little kid.
GROWTH: 16lb 13oz on 1/15 (her 6 month well-child), which is 63rd percentile for weight. Her height was 25 3/4", which is the 46th percentile. I don't remember her head circumference measurement, but it is in the 30th percentile. Short, fat, with a small head. That's my Emma. Sadly, she got some really cute clothes in a 6 month size for Christmas and she was barely able to wear them all once before they were boxed up. She's now officially in her 9 month sized clothes! So I spent a good $100 on new clothes for her, because most of her 9 month stuff is summer clothing.
Oh, yea. And baby vomit... I've done an insane amount of laundry because of it. We're not talking spit-up. That's child's play compared to this... she's had many episodes of stomach-content-emptying vomiting over the last few weeks. Like, you can hear it dripping onto the carpet. And it soaks through your clothes and drips down your arm. And it makes her look like the exorcist as it gushes out of her tiny little mouth. Poor fat kid. And poor mommy! There's nothing pleasant about being covered in warm baby vomit all over your head, shoulders, knees, and toes... and then trying to figure out how to pull your t-shirt over your head without smearing the baby vomit all over your face. It's that bad.
Mommy stuff:
Here's the New Year's post I should have made:
1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
- well, jeez, let's see- became a mommy, spent four weeks in a hospital, had natural childbirth, cleaned baby vomit out of my cleavage... the list goes on.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
- I don't do New Year's resolutions. Never have, probably never will. I'm a constant work in progress and I'm always making new goals for myself... not just at the first of the year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
- Ummmm... me. Doesn't get much closer than that. I also had a handful of close friends who had babies or became pregnant! It was a great year for pregnancy.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
- Thankfully, no. I hope to have the same answer for 2013.
5. What countries did you visit?
- For the first time since 2009, we didn't go out of the country. Our almost-yearly visits to Jamaica have been put on hold for a bit.
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
- A higher level job. It's about time for me to start moving up...
7. What date from 2012 will remain etched in your memory, and why?
-There are a few: June 12, the day I went into the hospital. July 9- the day Emma was born, August 1- the day Emma came home from the hospital
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- Staying pregnant for four weeks after going into preterm labor. And delivering a baby naturally with no drugs (against my will! lol)
9. What was your biggest failure?
- Being pregnant. I really sucked at it.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
- Well, lets's see- I burned the bajeebers out of my hand while making dinner one night. I also dealt with pre-eclampsia and preterm labor.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
- Oh, man. That's a tough one... it's a toss-up between my Little Castle glider and my Kindle Paperwhite.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
- SO MANY PEOPLE. Everyone who offered support, prayers, and encouragement while I was in the hospital and Emma was in the NICU. The people who visited me at the hospital. My aunt and cousin who sent me an amazing care basket of goodies... I was overwhelmed at the kindness of everyone.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
- A handful of people during election time. It made me realize that most people aren't free thinkers, but rather mindless parts of a group. Lemmings, if you will.
14. Where did most of your money go?
- Aside from the mortgage, car payments, etc... putting together the nursery. Medical bills. Baby stuff.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- Bringing Emma home from the NICU!
16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
- "There can be Miracles" from the Prince of Egypt
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder: Happier! Although I was happy this time last year, I was also nervous because I was newly pregnant. Now I have a funny little baby to make me smile all day!
Thinner or fatter? Thinner. Like getting-my-thyroid-checked and my-clothes-don't-fit-me thinner. Ugh.
Richer or poorer? Poorer. Babies are expensive!
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
- In the beginning of the year- blogging. Towards the end of the year- sleeping.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
- waking up and going to sleep in a hospital.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
- Christmas Eve at my parents' house. Then opening gifts that night. Then Christmas day with my in-laws.
21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
- YES. I felt a kind of love I never knew existed; one that will stay with me forever. The love of a mother.
22. How many one-night stands?
- TOO MANY TO COUNT! Oh, wait. No. None. Ewwwwwww.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
- Mad Men. Jon Hamm...*swoon*
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
- Hate is a strong word. But let's put it this way: there are people that I view more negatively now than I did a year ago.
25. What was the best book you read?
- Darn. I don't remember when I finished The Hunger Games... but we'll pretend like I finished it before 1/1.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
- Broken Bells!
27. What did you want and get?
- A baby. Duh. And a vintage Barbie doll! And a Coach leather diaper bag :)
28. What did you want and not get?
- A full-term baby.
29. What was your favorite film?
- UGH. I'm not a movie person... I don't even remember what movies I watched last year...
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
- Oh, sad. I spent it in the hospital, but my family came for a visit and hubby spent the day with me!
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying?
- Again, a full-term baby. And a healthy pregnancy. That would have helped immensely.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
- Maternity blah. Flats. Flowy shirts. Awful pants. After the baby? My clothes were all too big and baggy. It wasn't a great fashion year for me.
33. What kept you sane?
- My husband, my family, and a job that was flexible enough to allow me to return to work when I couldn't afford to not work any longer, yet allowed me to work from home and do what I could when I could.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
- I'm beginning to think these questions were written by someone British... but, Jon Hamm. *swoon again*
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
- Don't get me started. Gay rights... or should I say, civil rights?
36. Who did you miss?
- My best friend. I didn't get to see her enough :(
37. Who was the best new person you met?
- Hmmmmm... I didn't meet a lot of new people in 2012. But my new coworkers are fantastic. And there were some truly amazing nurses at the hospital and in the NICU.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:
- There were many more than one: Everything really, truly happens for a reason. Having a positive attitude can make any tough situation easier. It could always be worse. Be grateful for what you have and don't whine about the way you think things should be. Don't judge others based off of an assumption.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
- Well, that's an easy one! "There can be miracles, when you believe. Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill. Who know what miracles you can achieve. When you believe, somehow you will. You will when you believe."
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Hello, 2013.
Oh, god. Where has the time gone?
I've been sucked into a time warp thanks to a sick baby, some good books, and two four-day weekends in a row. I'm glad the whirlwind of the holidays is over but the aftermath isn't quite so pretty... especially since crazy baby has been sick. STILL.
Yep, three weeks of unsettled, cranky, whiny, grunty, congested baby. And in that three weeks, I've bought an insane amount of remedies and baby gear- anything to make my sweet little buttercup feel better- and shifted my theory on what was bothering her about a bajillion times. You see, this cold that she has (maybe it's allergies? I'm still not sure!) has been super sneaky. It started with her having difficulty going back to sleep when she'd wake up for her nighttime bottle. Then cranky bedtime and sleeping all night. Her congestion didn't seem bad until recently, but it was always there. I just didn't think it was bad enough to cause her to be so darned restless and irritable, but I was apparently wrong. She may also be teething, but the verdict is still out on that one. Over the last few days, the junk in the back of her throat has gotten worse, to the point where she just can't clear it out and it really pisses her off. I'm certain it'd piss me off too if I had thick phlegm in the back of my throat and I couldn't do anything to get rid of it.
So, really, my last three weeks have consisted of a lot of the following: rocking, swaying, jiggling, feeding, soothing, shushing, patting, walking. And using the humidifier, baby rub, teething tablets, wet washcloth, Colic Calm, Tylenol (waste of time), saline, and the bulb syringe. And there is nothing on the face of this earth that enrages my child more than the bulb syringe... I'm seriously looking forward to the arrival of her Nose Frida on Monday. Google that... now. Yep- it's basically a snot sucker, and apparently it works wonders. Since Emma hates the bulb syringe so much, I feel the snot sucker is worth a try and will hopefully eliminate most of the risk of poking out her eyeball with the bulb syringe while she shakes her head back and forth trying to avoid my attack. She's also caught on to the fact that she can swat the bulb away with her hands.
*sigh* These are the things people forget to tell you about having young children. Or at least the things people forgot to tell me. That when your almost-six-month-old baby gets sick, all of your determination to get her to be an independent sleeper will fly right out the window along with all of the money you're going to spend on any product promising to make your child feel better.
I seriously took for granted the days when she was such a fantastic sleeper- up at 7:30am, one hour nap about an hour or two after that, cat nap at lunch time, three hour nap in the afternoon, in bed by 8. She's been a swing sleeper for her naps for about the last week, and last night she slept in her swing all night. I was able to turn off the swing after she had fallen asleep, but it keeps her at an angle that prevents the junk in her throat from choking her and waking her up. So I'm seriously terrified that we're going to have a loooooooong and painful process of getting her to sleep in her crib again. I'm hoping this cold doesn't last much longer. Three weeks is ridiculous.
We're putting prune juice concentrate in her morning bottle so that she isn't pooping rocks anymore. Since we've started doing that, she hasn't been grunting and whining all day anymore. She still doesn't feel well and so she gets fussy once her excitement about a new activity has worn off, but it isn't a full day of grunting. The prune concentrate turns her bottle a nice coffee color, so apparently she's joining me and my morning coffee habit. Her "morning cup of joe" reminds me of her morning dose of caffeine in the NICU for her apnea episodes... ah, the NICU days. It's crazy to think that her cold has lasted for almost as long as her entire NICU stay. These past three weeks have felt like half the amount of time she spent in that place.
On the development stuff... she's about a few weeks to a month behind on her gross motor skills for her actual age, which is to be expected. In fact, she's still technically one month ahead. Her fine motor skills are fantastic- she can look at something, decide she wants it, and lean forward and reach for it. Grab it. Pull it to her mouth. She seriously just wants to eat the whole world, or at least gum it and see how it tastes. She's incredibly aware of her surroundings and can track fast-moving objects and people walking around the room. If you stand near her and talk, she'll divert her attention to you and look up directly into your face. She'll hold your gaze for a while. She giggles like none other. She holds her head and chest up while on her tummy like she's been doing it her whole life. If someone's holding her and a second person walks up and talks to her, she'll smile with her whole mouth open, kick her feet, turn her head away, and hit the person holding her with both hands... she gets overwhelmed with happiness sometimes. She has clear likes and dislikes and starts to whine when she wants something. She isn't rolling over yet, but she's still pretty close. And she's not babbling yet either, but that tongue is doing some fancy work in that little mouth of hers so I'm thinking she'll start making more consonant sounds soon. She's definitely sharp as a tack, though and you can really see her gears turning when she's presented with something new or interesting.
*Incoming obligatory New Year ramblings*
2012. What a year. On 12/31/11, I was at a New Year's Eve party with my two fellow preggos, watching a bunch of people we didn't know get embarrassingly drunk. I drove my sleeping husband home at 3am while terrified of the drunks on the road, relieved to have made it home alive and in one piece. This year, I sipped some champagne with dinner and held my breath while the baby settled in to her crib to sleep and the fireworks outside sounded like bombs going off in her nursery. I needed a nap before the ball dropped. Hubby woke me up in time to wipe the sleepiness out of my eyes before midnight, then we shared our midnight kiss which has been the tradition for the past six (now seven) New Year's Eves we've spent together. I sipped more champagne, then made my way into bed, angrily Facebooking about the fireworks that needed to stop because my sick child was trying to sleep. What a world of difference from the year before.
But 2012 is a year I'll never forget. It was the year I became a mommy, and not just a normal first-time mommy, but a first-time mommy to a preemie. I knew I'd be spending the night in the hospital for the first time ever when I delivered her, but had no clue that I'd actually end up spending 28 nights in the hospital for myself, and a bunch more with her. 2012 was the year of learning just how much I'm able to handle. How I can go into survival mode and just make it through. Of knowing that there is always the other end of every ordeal, despite not knowing what that other end will look like.
I learned what real friendship is about. I was humbled by the amount of people who prayed for me, encouraged me, and tried to make me smile in a very dark and anxiety-ridden time. But I also realized that it's fully possible for someone to rejoice in another's good fortune even when your own circumstances suck. And that I have zero room in my life for negative people. I grew closer to my husband than I ever thought possible. I watched him transform into the loving father I knew he'd be, but even more so than I ever imagined. I also experienced a kind of love I've never felt before- the love that a mother feels towards her child.
My visions of a healthy baby and breastfeeding didn't come to fruition, at least not in the way I pictured it. I never thought I'd be buying formula and mixing bottles day after day... or reviving my child multiple times a day for that matter.
Aside from the baby stuff, I took a leap of faith and made a decision to move back to my "home" at work. I wasn't immediately sure that it was the right decision. But by the time the end of the year rolled around, I knew it was right. It was like jumping off a cliff and hoping the parachute opens... and it did.
On a lighter note, there were lots of other things I never anticipated... like baby poop under my fingernail during a diaper change in the back of my mom's minivan in the Target parking lot. Bath poop. Learning that my cleavage creates a perfect funnel for baby vomit. Learning the hard way that lifting the baby up over your head and then slowly lowering her for a kiss on the cheek directly after feeding her is a sure-fire way to get baby vomit all over your face, up your nose, and in your hair. That baby hands inevitably grab and rip chunks of hair out of your head in a split second. Making a baby laugh while feeding results in formula being sputtered all over your face. And the sound of my own child giggling is by far the sweetest sound I've ever heard.
2012. The year of everything unanticipated. The year that knocked me off my feet (quite literally, when you consider the hospital bed rest), spun me around, and showed me no mercy. Yet, ended in such a great place (minus the baby sickies).
I really hope 2013 is... more predictable. Please, for the love of God... no more surprises!
I've been sucked into a time warp thanks to a sick baby, some good books, and two four-day weekends in a row. I'm glad the whirlwind of the holidays is over but the aftermath isn't quite so pretty... especially since crazy baby has been sick. STILL.
Yep, three weeks of unsettled, cranky, whiny, grunty, congested baby. And in that three weeks, I've bought an insane amount of remedies and baby gear- anything to make my sweet little buttercup feel better- and shifted my theory on what was bothering her about a bajillion times. You see, this cold that she has (maybe it's allergies? I'm still not sure!) has been super sneaky. It started with her having difficulty going back to sleep when she'd wake up for her nighttime bottle. Then cranky bedtime and sleeping all night. Her congestion didn't seem bad until recently, but it was always there. I just didn't think it was bad enough to cause her to be so darned restless and irritable, but I was apparently wrong. She may also be teething, but the verdict is still out on that one. Over the last few days, the junk in the back of her throat has gotten worse, to the point where she just can't clear it out and it really pisses her off. I'm certain it'd piss me off too if I had thick phlegm in the back of my throat and I couldn't do anything to get rid of it.
So, really, my last three weeks have consisted of a lot of the following: rocking, swaying, jiggling, feeding, soothing, shushing, patting, walking. And using the humidifier, baby rub, teething tablets, wet washcloth, Colic Calm, Tylenol (waste of time), saline, and the bulb syringe. And there is nothing on the face of this earth that enrages my child more than the bulb syringe... I'm seriously looking forward to the arrival of her Nose Frida on Monday. Google that... now. Yep- it's basically a snot sucker, and apparently it works wonders. Since Emma hates the bulb syringe so much, I feel the snot sucker is worth a try and will hopefully eliminate most of the risk of poking out her eyeball with the bulb syringe while she shakes her head back and forth trying to avoid my attack. She's also caught on to the fact that she can swat the bulb away with her hands.
*sigh* These are the things people forget to tell you about having young children. Or at least the things people forgot to tell me. That when your almost-six-month-old baby gets sick, all of your determination to get her to be an independent sleeper will fly right out the window along with all of the money you're going to spend on any product promising to make your child feel better.
I seriously took for granted the days when she was such a fantastic sleeper- up at 7:30am, one hour nap about an hour or two after that, cat nap at lunch time, three hour nap in the afternoon, in bed by 8. She's been a swing sleeper for her naps for about the last week, and last night she slept in her swing all night. I was able to turn off the swing after she had fallen asleep, but it keeps her at an angle that prevents the junk in her throat from choking her and waking her up. So I'm seriously terrified that we're going to have a loooooooong and painful process of getting her to sleep in her crib again. I'm hoping this cold doesn't last much longer. Three weeks is ridiculous.
We're putting prune juice concentrate in her morning bottle so that she isn't pooping rocks anymore. Since we've started doing that, she hasn't been grunting and whining all day anymore. She still doesn't feel well and so she gets fussy once her excitement about a new activity has worn off, but it isn't a full day of grunting. The prune concentrate turns her bottle a nice coffee color, so apparently she's joining me and my morning coffee habit. Her "morning cup of joe" reminds me of her morning dose of caffeine in the NICU for her apnea episodes... ah, the NICU days. It's crazy to think that her cold has lasted for almost as long as her entire NICU stay. These past three weeks have felt like half the amount of time she spent in that place.
On the development stuff... she's about a few weeks to a month behind on her gross motor skills for her actual age, which is to be expected. In fact, she's still technically one month ahead. Her fine motor skills are fantastic- she can look at something, decide she wants it, and lean forward and reach for it. Grab it. Pull it to her mouth. She seriously just wants to eat the whole world, or at least gum it and see how it tastes. She's incredibly aware of her surroundings and can track fast-moving objects and people walking around the room. If you stand near her and talk, she'll divert her attention to you and look up directly into your face. She'll hold your gaze for a while. She giggles like none other. She holds her head and chest up while on her tummy like she's been doing it her whole life. If someone's holding her and a second person walks up and talks to her, she'll smile with her whole mouth open, kick her feet, turn her head away, and hit the person holding her with both hands... she gets overwhelmed with happiness sometimes. She has clear likes and dislikes and starts to whine when she wants something. She isn't rolling over yet, but she's still pretty close. And she's not babbling yet either, but that tongue is doing some fancy work in that little mouth of hers so I'm thinking she'll start making more consonant sounds soon. She's definitely sharp as a tack, though and you can really see her gears turning when she's presented with something new or interesting.
*Incoming obligatory New Year ramblings*
2012. What a year. On 12/31/11, I was at a New Year's Eve party with my two fellow preggos, watching a bunch of people we didn't know get embarrassingly drunk. I drove my sleeping husband home at 3am while terrified of the drunks on the road, relieved to have made it home alive and in one piece. This year, I sipped some champagne with dinner and held my breath while the baby settled in to her crib to sleep and the fireworks outside sounded like bombs going off in her nursery. I needed a nap before the ball dropped. Hubby woke me up in time to wipe the sleepiness out of my eyes before midnight, then we shared our midnight kiss which has been the tradition for the past six (now seven) New Year's Eves we've spent together. I sipped more champagne, then made my way into bed, angrily Facebooking about the fireworks that needed to stop because my sick child was trying to sleep. What a world of difference from the year before.
But 2012 is a year I'll never forget. It was the year I became a mommy, and not just a normal first-time mommy, but a first-time mommy to a preemie. I knew I'd be spending the night in the hospital for the first time ever when I delivered her, but had no clue that I'd actually end up spending 28 nights in the hospital for myself, and a bunch more with her. 2012 was the year of learning just how much I'm able to handle. How I can go into survival mode and just make it through. Of knowing that there is always the other end of every ordeal, despite not knowing what that other end will look like.
I learned what real friendship is about. I was humbled by the amount of people who prayed for me, encouraged me, and tried to make me smile in a very dark and anxiety-ridden time. But I also realized that it's fully possible for someone to rejoice in another's good fortune even when your own circumstances suck. And that I have zero room in my life for negative people. I grew closer to my husband than I ever thought possible. I watched him transform into the loving father I knew he'd be, but even more so than I ever imagined. I also experienced a kind of love I've never felt before- the love that a mother feels towards her child.
My visions of a healthy baby and breastfeeding didn't come to fruition, at least not in the way I pictured it. I never thought I'd be buying formula and mixing bottles day after day... or reviving my child multiple times a day for that matter.
Aside from the baby stuff, I took a leap of faith and made a decision to move back to my "home" at work. I wasn't immediately sure that it was the right decision. But by the time the end of the year rolled around, I knew it was right. It was like jumping off a cliff and hoping the parachute opens... and it did.
On a lighter note, there were lots of other things I never anticipated... like baby poop under my fingernail during a diaper change in the back of my mom's minivan in the Target parking lot. Bath poop. Learning that my cleavage creates a perfect funnel for baby vomit. Learning the hard way that lifting the baby up over your head and then slowly lowering her for a kiss on the cheek directly after feeding her is a sure-fire way to get baby vomit all over your face, up your nose, and in your hair. That baby hands inevitably grab and rip chunks of hair out of your head in a split second. Making a baby laugh while feeding results in formula being sputtered all over your face. And the sound of my own child giggling is by far the sweetest sound I've ever heard.
2012. The year of everything unanticipated. The year that knocked me off my feet (quite literally, when you consider the hospital bed rest), spun me around, and showed me no mercy. Yet, ended in such a great place (minus the baby sickies).
I really hope 2013 is... more predictable. Please, for the love of God... no more surprises!
Saturday, December 22, 2012
The Sickies
*sigh* Emma has been battling her first cold of her little life all week... or at least I think that's what's going on. At the most, she's had a stuffy nose. Really, that's the worst it's been... so I'm very fortunate in that respect. She's had an occasional cough and some sneezing, but the sneezing is very typical for her. I used to laugh at her all the time in the NICU because it seemed like she was always sneezing during hands-on time. And a sneeze from a less-than-five-pound baby is seriously adorable. But she's done a fine job of fighting off whatever ailment this is- she has kept her goofy, happy demeanor for the most part. The only thing I've really noticed is that she's had great difficulty sleeping in some fashion; she's either taken two hours to go to bed or to hours to go back to bed. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night of last weekend were awful. She would get up for a bottle around 1 or 2am and wouldn't go back to bed for two hours. She'd sleep in my arms, but not in her crib. Monday night was alright, of course, because it was hubby's night to be up with her. So she slept all night. Go figure. Tuesday night was awful. And then something magical happened... she started sleeping through the night. All the way through the night.
I don't know what to do with myself. I almost feel more tired now that I'm well rested than I did when I was entirely sleep-deprived and my body seems to be getting greedy for sleep. To the point that I took a pregnancy test, as I haven't felt this kind of fatigue since my first trimester. No worries- there is not another crazy baby being formed in this belly. Whew.
She does seem to be on the mend now, though. Still stuffy, but at least she went to bed without a fight last night. It was amazing- she drifted off to sleep in my arms (which hasn't happened almost all week. She adamantly refused to fall asleep in my arms in the rocker and had to be held upright in my arms with my swaying back and forth) around 7:45pm and slept in her crib until 6:15am, had a bottle, then went back to sleep until 9am. She took an hour nap this morning, and now she's on the tail end of a three-hour nap in her crib this afternoon. I'm not going to get used to this, though. She has a tendency to switch up her routine without notice and screw up my sleep in the process. She's a pretty darned good reason to miss out on sleep, though. Even at 6:15am on a Saturday morning, I wanted to squeeze her to pieces because I love her so much and she's so cute and sweet.
I learned this week that having an infant and being on-call is no bueno. Thankfully my husband isn't working 24 hour shifts anymore... I don't know what I would have done in that case. The flip side is that I'm not on-call again until March, and I'm very OK with that prospect. :) It's also a good opportunity for either overtime pay or leaving super-early on a Friday.
As expected, I had some moments of reflection this week as it marked the one-year anniversary of some major events in my life. Like 12/18, when I felt the sharp twinges of her burrowing in and making herself comfortable. And 12/20, when I had my first-ever positive pregnancy test. Last night, I was reminiscing about the big announcement on Christmas day and the reaction from our parents... crazy baby was a much anticipated arrival to say the least. There's no way to top Christmas 2011, but this Christmas is going to be extra special as well.
I took Emma to the doctor on Monday to have her checked out to make sure she was breathing alright since she sounded a little wheezy to me that morning. She weighed 15 pounds 12oz with a slightly wet diaper and her clothes on. So I figure she's about 15 1/2 pounds. OMG. That puts her between the 50th and 75th percentile in weight for her actual age. She's above average. And I'm going to stop feeding her. Hah! Just kidding. She's short and fat, though. She definitely has my short legs and small feet. I still haven't figured out where the thunder thighs come from, other than the fact that she's a baby.
She still has not started rolling over yet, but tummy time is no longer her nemesis. I think she just realizes that she can hold her head up really high and can see things from a different perspective, so it keeps her interested for a little bit. She actually laughed a little while on her tummy this morning, which is a far cry from the fussing and whining of tummy-time in the recent past. She's making progress!
I held off on solid foods this week since she's been stuffy and not feeling well. I'll probably try again next week with some vegetables, and hopefully something that will help this constipation. We have a sweet new high chair (thanks, Nicole!!!!) for her, some special bowls, and her cute little spoons. I'll never deny that this child will be spoiled... but the goal is for her to be kind, sweet, and spoiled. I plan to teach her the value of giving, sharing, and being grateful. We'll see how that goes ;)
I can't think of any particularly funny moment from this week. I did get an awesome picture of her with a horrified/surprised look on her face. It's a keeper, for sure. She also peed in the bath a couple of times. I accidentally scratched her boobie with my fingernail and she laughed. And she's started laughing so hard that it surprises her. Yep, she's certifiably insane. She's definitely my kid.
I don't know what to do with myself. I almost feel more tired now that I'm well rested than I did when I was entirely sleep-deprived and my body seems to be getting greedy for sleep. To the point that I took a pregnancy test, as I haven't felt this kind of fatigue since my first trimester. No worries- there is not another crazy baby being formed in this belly. Whew.
She does seem to be on the mend now, though. Still stuffy, but at least she went to bed without a fight last night. It was amazing- she drifted off to sleep in my arms (which hasn't happened almost all week. She adamantly refused to fall asleep in my arms in the rocker and had to be held upright in my arms with my swaying back and forth) around 7:45pm and slept in her crib until 6:15am, had a bottle, then went back to sleep until 9am. She took an hour nap this morning, and now she's on the tail end of a three-hour nap in her crib this afternoon. I'm not going to get used to this, though. She has a tendency to switch up her routine without notice and screw up my sleep in the process. She's a pretty darned good reason to miss out on sleep, though. Even at 6:15am on a Saturday morning, I wanted to squeeze her to pieces because I love her so much and she's so cute and sweet.
I learned this week that having an infant and being on-call is no bueno. Thankfully my husband isn't working 24 hour shifts anymore... I don't know what I would have done in that case. The flip side is that I'm not on-call again until March, and I'm very OK with that prospect. :) It's also a good opportunity for either overtime pay or leaving super-early on a Friday.
As expected, I had some moments of reflection this week as it marked the one-year anniversary of some major events in my life. Like 12/18, when I felt the sharp twinges of her burrowing in and making herself comfortable. And 12/20, when I had my first-ever positive pregnancy test. Last night, I was reminiscing about the big announcement on Christmas day and the reaction from our parents... crazy baby was a much anticipated arrival to say the least. There's no way to top Christmas 2011, but this Christmas is going to be extra special as well.
I took Emma to the doctor on Monday to have her checked out to make sure she was breathing alright since she sounded a little wheezy to me that morning. She weighed 15 pounds 12oz with a slightly wet diaper and her clothes on. So I figure she's about 15 1/2 pounds. OMG. That puts her between the 50th and 75th percentile in weight for her actual age. She's above average. And I'm going to stop feeding her. Hah! Just kidding. She's short and fat, though. She definitely has my short legs and small feet. I still haven't figured out where the thunder thighs come from, other than the fact that she's a baby.
She still has not started rolling over yet, but tummy time is no longer her nemesis. I think she just realizes that she can hold her head up really high and can see things from a different perspective, so it keeps her interested for a little bit. She actually laughed a little while on her tummy this morning, which is a far cry from the fussing and whining of tummy-time in the recent past. She's making progress!
I held off on solid foods this week since she's been stuffy and not feeling well. I'll probably try again next week with some vegetables, and hopefully something that will help this constipation. We have a sweet new high chair (thanks, Nicole!!!!) for her, some special bowls, and her cute little spoons. I'll never deny that this child will be spoiled... but the goal is for her to be kind, sweet, and spoiled. I plan to teach her the value of giving, sharing, and being grateful. We'll see how that goes ;)
I can't think of any particularly funny moment from this week. I did get an awesome picture of her with a horrified/surprised look on her face. It's a keeper, for sure. She also peed in the bath a couple of times. I accidentally scratched her boobie with my fingernail and she laughed. And she's started laughing so hard that it surprises her. Yep, she's certifiably insane. She's definitely my kid.
Friday, December 14, 2012
All I Want for Christmas
One year ago today, miracle baby was nothing more than a tiny cluster of miracle cells growing, dividing, and making her way down my left (yes, left. I figured I ovulated out of my left side and the ultrasound tech confirmed it. Pretty cool, huh?) fallopian tube. It was truly the beginning of this insane journey. Being forever reflective and nostalgic, I've done lots of thinking about all of this over the last few days. So much has happened in just one year- many lessons learned, tears shed, hugs, smiles, and many days of having a severely sore jaw from clenching it from all of the anxiety. I'm going to do much more reflecting over the next few weeks because this is when the dominoes began to fall... starting with ovulating on 12/11, feeling twinges on 12/18, the positive pregnancy test on 12/20, then announcing the pregnancy to our families on 12/25. I have very vivid memories from those few weeks... "All I want for Christmas is You" played on the radio today and I swear I must have had the biggest smile on my face as I sang along in the car. It was my song to Emma last year when I found out she existed... "I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know... make my wish come true, baby all I want for Christmas is you." I know, it's a love song. But the lyrics are pretty fitting... just make "baby" into a more literal meaning and voila! Emma song. I always liked that song, but now it holds a special meaning and reminds me of the most amazing Christmas gift I've ever received- my sweet child.
And now for the good stuff. Miracle baby update!
This week was surprisingly great in the sleep department. Well, for Emma. Not so much for me. Last weekend was insanely hectic, starting on Saturday when I attended the baby shower of one of my bestest friends ever. I was so happy to see her glowing with her adorable (and TINY!) pregnant belly and the joy of a mom-to-be written all over her face. I've always loved when good things happen to great people... so this shower was definitely a celebration of that very situation. Hubby decided we should break RSV lockdown and take her to a wedding the next day so we could introduce her to some of our closest friends who have been dying to meet her... I reluctantly agreed, knowing that I'd be worried and stressed the whole time.
The wedding was beautiful and another amazing celebration of good things happening to great people. You could just feel the love. A few people used the word "miracle" in reference to Emma and it was surreal to hear other people say it. Because it really is true.
Miracle baby had two meltdowns- one when we got there, and one just before the reception. The first one resulted from attempting to feed her cold formula. She takes room-temperature formula like a champ, but try to give her cold formula and she'll look at you like you've just tried to feed her motor oil. Then apparently she starts screaming. I was flustered... was this how the whole night would be?! Initially, I wasn't sure what was bothering her so I tried everything, even stripping her out of her dress, thinking that she was uncomfortable in it. I let out a slight sigh of relief when she continued to scream sans dress, because I really wanted her to wear her dress for the wedding. Oh, 90210. I'll never change... Luckily she ended up calming down and I regained my composure in time for the ceremony to start. And wouldn't you know it, she was so great during the ceremony. She even farted... just loud enough for the few people around us to hear. I had to stifle my laughter. I got her into the car after the cocktail hour to take her to the reception nearby, but there was a long line for the valet and the cars weren't moving. And then the screaming started. In an act of desperation, I pulled out my phone, looked up the number for the restaurant, and asked if there was another place to park. Hooray technology! I parked and frantically made up a bottle and fed her into a stupor. Poor kid. She was so well-behaved during the reception too... I fed her before I brought her home so she would sleep in the car. Then I got her home, fed her a little more, then put her in bed. And proceeded to collapse myself so I could get a few hours of sleep before I had to be up to feed her, then sleep for another hour before having to be up in the morning to get her ready, take her to my mom, and go to work. *yawn*
In short, we survived. And I learned to never ever put her in the car if she hasn't eaten something recently unless I want to drive home with a seriously shouty baby.
So the rest of the week went smoothly... her ever-changing schedule stayed consistent this week and I'm going to be sad to see it go- I know it won't last long because she likes to change things up with no warning. She's been in bed somewhere between 7 and 8:30pm every night after having about 8-10 ounces of formula before going down for the night. Not always at once, but usually within about 2 hours of bedtime. Then she sleeps until 4:30 or 5, has a quick bottle, then is back in bed until I wake her up around 7:45 or 8. It allows me to get up at 7, shower, make my coffee, feed the dog, put on my makeup, let the dog out, and prepare the bottle and medicine for miracle baby. I've settled into a good but hectic morning routine, which is crazy for me since I'm the opposite of a morning person.
And, the biggest news of all- she is finally sleeping well at my in-laws house in her pack n play! YAY! She slept for three straight hours yesterday and three and a half today like a big girl :) I'm so relieved... it's definitely contributed to her better nighttime settling and overall happiness.
This kid is seriously a cheeseball. And I'm not referring to the cheese factory, also known as her neck, that I've reference in past posts. In fact, the cheese factory is mostly shut down now that she is starting to have a real neck and not just a head sitting on top of little shoulders. Apparently that's what happens when you can actually start to hold your head up. Anyways... if you had asked me three months ago how I would have described my child, I would have used words like pukey, gassy, sleepy, and colicky. Now, I'd say she's goofy, silly, happy, and sweet. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, miracle baby has a personality! She's every bit as funny and goofy as I thought she'd be, too. She cheeses at anyone who makes eye contact with her, and if she's being held when someone makes eye contact, she quickly smiles, turns her head away, kicks her feet, and smacks whoever is holding her. I like to say that she smiles with her whole body. And her eyes... those eyes. I can always tell how she's feeling based on those gigantic eyes. That's the first thing that everyone says when they see her, too- "oh my god, those eyes!" Yes, they're huge. Add in the chubby cheeks and her big open-mouthed toothless smile, and she's one stinkin' cute baby if I do say so myself.
She's also about this [] close to rolling over from her tummy to her back. She can do a baby pushup (more like upward facing dog, if you ask me) that would put an athlete to shame, and is now starting to rock to one side. In fact, she came so close to rolling over at my in-laws' house today that I really thought she was going to do it. Just one more inch to the side and she would have rolled herself right over, so it's only a matter of days before she finally does it. She can also sit up on her own for brief periods of time before she topples to one side or the other... I can't believe how quickly she's growing and learning! She can also react much quicker and can divert her attention to something new immediately without the delay she had before. She's moved up from the Pentium II to the Intel I5 ;) Her playmat is still one of her favorite things to do, but now she prefers to kick her toys while grasping as many of them with her hands as she can. She likes a challenge, I guess.
I just love her to pieces. I can't kiss her and cuddle her enough... I'm never satisfied with the amount of kisses I can give her in one day.
Hopefully soon I'll figure out a way to post pictures again. Until then, trust me when I say she's super-cute. Because she is.
And now for the good stuff. Miracle baby update!
This week was surprisingly great in the sleep department. Well, for Emma. Not so much for me. Last weekend was insanely hectic, starting on Saturday when I attended the baby shower of one of my bestest friends ever. I was so happy to see her glowing with her adorable (and TINY!) pregnant belly and the joy of a mom-to-be written all over her face. I've always loved when good things happen to great people... so this shower was definitely a celebration of that very situation. Hubby decided we should break RSV lockdown and take her to a wedding the next day so we could introduce her to some of our closest friends who have been dying to meet her... I reluctantly agreed, knowing that I'd be worried and stressed the whole time.
The wedding was beautiful and another amazing celebration of good things happening to great people. You could just feel the love. A few people used the word "miracle" in reference to Emma and it was surreal to hear other people say it. Because it really is true.
Miracle baby had two meltdowns- one when we got there, and one just before the reception. The first one resulted from attempting to feed her cold formula. She takes room-temperature formula like a champ, but try to give her cold formula and she'll look at you like you've just tried to feed her motor oil. Then apparently she starts screaming. I was flustered... was this how the whole night would be?! Initially, I wasn't sure what was bothering her so I tried everything, even stripping her out of her dress, thinking that she was uncomfortable in it. I let out a slight sigh of relief when she continued to scream sans dress, because I really wanted her to wear her dress for the wedding. Oh, 90210. I'll never change... Luckily she ended up calming down and I regained my composure in time for the ceremony to start. And wouldn't you know it, she was so great during the ceremony. She even farted... just loud enough for the few people around us to hear. I had to stifle my laughter. I got her into the car after the cocktail hour to take her to the reception nearby, but there was a long line for the valet and the cars weren't moving. And then the screaming started. In an act of desperation, I pulled out my phone, looked up the number for the restaurant, and asked if there was another place to park. Hooray technology! I parked and frantically made up a bottle and fed her into a stupor. Poor kid. She was so well-behaved during the reception too... I fed her before I brought her home so she would sleep in the car. Then I got her home, fed her a little more, then put her in bed. And proceeded to collapse myself so I could get a few hours of sleep before I had to be up to feed her, then sleep for another hour before having to be up in the morning to get her ready, take her to my mom, and go to work. *yawn*
In short, we survived. And I learned to never ever put her in the car if she hasn't eaten something recently unless I want to drive home with a seriously shouty baby.
So the rest of the week went smoothly... her ever-changing schedule stayed consistent this week and I'm going to be sad to see it go- I know it won't last long because she likes to change things up with no warning. She's been in bed somewhere between 7 and 8:30pm every night after having about 8-10 ounces of formula before going down for the night. Not always at once, but usually within about 2 hours of bedtime. Then she sleeps until 4:30 or 5, has a quick bottle, then is back in bed until I wake her up around 7:45 or 8. It allows me to get up at 7, shower, make my coffee, feed the dog, put on my makeup, let the dog out, and prepare the bottle and medicine for miracle baby. I've settled into a good but hectic morning routine, which is crazy for me since I'm the opposite of a morning person.
And, the biggest news of all- she is finally sleeping well at my in-laws house in her pack n play! YAY! She slept for three straight hours yesterday and three and a half today like a big girl :) I'm so relieved... it's definitely contributed to her better nighttime settling and overall happiness.
This kid is seriously a cheeseball. And I'm not referring to the cheese factory, also known as her neck, that I've reference in past posts. In fact, the cheese factory is mostly shut down now that she is starting to have a real neck and not just a head sitting on top of little shoulders. Apparently that's what happens when you can actually start to hold your head up. Anyways... if you had asked me three months ago how I would have described my child, I would have used words like pukey, gassy, sleepy, and colicky. Now, I'd say she's goofy, silly, happy, and sweet. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, miracle baby has a personality! She's every bit as funny and goofy as I thought she'd be, too. She cheeses at anyone who makes eye contact with her, and if she's being held when someone makes eye contact, she quickly smiles, turns her head away, kicks her feet, and smacks whoever is holding her. I like to say that she smiles with her whole body. And her eyes... those eyes. I can always tell how she's feeling based on those gigantic eyes. That's the first thing that everyone says when they see her, too- "oh my god, those eyes!" Yes, they're huge. Add in the chubby cheeks and her big open-mouthed toothless smile, and she's one stinkin' cute baby if I do say so myself.
She's also about this [] close to rolling over from her tummy to her back. She can do a baby pushup (more like upward facing dog, if you ask me) that would put an athlete to shame, and is now starting to rock to one side. In fact, she came so close to rolling over at my in-laws' house today that I really thought she was going to do it. Just one more inch to the side and she would have rolled herself right over, so it's only a matter of days before she finally does it. She can also sit up on her own for brief periods of time before she topples to one side or the other... I can't believe how quickly she's growing and learning! She can also react much quicker and can divert her attention to something new immediately without the delay she had before. She's moved up from the Pentium II to the Intel I5 ;) Her playmat is still one of her favorite things to do, but now she prefers to kick her toys while grasping as many of them with her hands as she can. She likes a challenge, I guess.
I just love her to pieces. I can't kiss her and cuddle her enough... I'm never satisfied with the amount of kisses I can give her in one day.
Hopefully soon I'll figure out a way to post pictures again. Until then, trust me when I say she's super-cute. Because she is.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Sleep is Good for Everyone
My blogging hiatus was completely unintentional... blame it on the books I've been reading. And crazy baby... she's also a big reason why I haven't been blogging.
The funny thing is, I feel more tired now than I did when I was getting up every 2-3 hours at night to feed her and pump. It's either a) getting up in the middle of the night for five (well, six if you include my hospital stay) months straight is catching up to me b) I just don't remember how tired I really was in those early months or c) both. I'm going to go with c on this one.
So, here I am. Sitting on the couch typing away while crazy baby is peacefully sleeping in her crib. Well, as peacefully as she can sleep. Whoever coined the phrase "sleeping like a baby" clearly had no clue how a baby really sleeps. Or they meant the phrase to mean "grunting, wiggling, squirming, burping, farting, and puking at least hourly all night long." In which case, the saying would ring true. Anyways...
The big adjustment now is her ever-changing schedule. It seems like every week is different as her body is growing and her brain is learning, which translates into changes in her feeding and sleeping schedule. For about a week, she was sleeping straight through the night. Then she started waking up once per night for about a week or two. Then a solid two to three weeks of waking up twice in the night. Now we're back to once, but last night was twice again. It's really not that bad though... it only takes me a total of 30 minutes to prepare her bottle, change her diaper, feed her, burp her, cuddle her, then place her back into her crib. The part of her schedule that has been consistent is her waking time and nap schedule, at least for the most part. She wakes up anywhere between 7:30 and 8:00am most days. Then she eats, plays, and usually gets put into her car seat, much to her dismay, and shipped off to Grandma and Grandpa's house or to Grammy and Pop's for the day. Last weekend, her schedule was perfect. One hour nap in the morning, catnap at lunch time, then a three hour nap from 3pm to 6pm. And lately, she's been in bed asleep around 8pm. Tonight was a little different, as she was just slightly overtired and didn't want to be rocked to sleep. So I put her in her crib and sat nearby while she grunted and wiggled herself to sleep, all the while attempting to suck her thumb. In the process, she gagged herself about a hundred times. One day she'll gain control over those crazy fingers. At least I hope. But anyways, she ended up falling asleep around 8:30ish and has been having little baby dreams ever since. Cute, sweet little baby dreams.
So it's been nice to see a pattern emerging with her. And even nicer to know how well-adjusted she is overall. As long as she gets enough naps during the day and enough sleep at night, she's the happiest, sweetest little girl in the world. And even when she's tired, she'll still smile and get all cheesy with you... until she realizes she's overtired. Then the wailing starts. See below. But it's actually quite an interesting adventure trying to figure all of this out and I get quite a sense of accomplishment when I try something and it works well. For a while, Emma did great with her bath/bottle/swaddle routine. Then suddenly, it stopped working as she started spending more time at her grandparents' houses and less time at home and her schedule changed. Trying to get her into a bath when she got home after barely sleeping during the day made for an incredibly angry, screaming, crying baby. See below. So I adapted and overcame. The bath is flexible- she doesn't always get one. If I'm home early enough and she's gotten a decent amount of sleep, then I'll now give her a bottle first, then a bath, then some quiet activities (like reading a book or some calm play time), then when she gets tired, it's lights out and I offer her a bottle again and let her drift to sleep in my arms. It has worked out quite well lately. But if she's tired, then the lights go out, she gets a bottle, and typically just goes to bed early.
I will overcome the overtired baby syndrome. That's my current struggle. If she doesn't get her naps during the day when she's being babysat, then she goes into nuclear meltdown mode when she gets home. We're talking full-on relentless screaming. It makes her colic days look like a walk in the park. She did this for 45 minutes straight one night and I about lost my mind... there was absolutely nothing I could do to make her feel better. Nothing. I just held her while she screamed until she tired herself out and went limp in my arms, at which point I was far too terrified to put her in her crib, so I held her for a little while to make sure she was good and asleep before I put her down. And held my breath while I made sure she really was asleep and wasn't going to start screaming again... then proceeded to curl up in hubby's lap and cry. It was so exhausting to have her scream like that and not be able to help her feel better. I felt like I had been run over by a bus. A bus of screaming infants, that is. And the other night, she started getting hungry on our way home from my parents' house and was overtired then too. She had just fallen into a deep sleep when I got there to pick her up and she was awakened by being put in her car seat. So hungry+interrupted sleep= screaming for 35 minutes straight in the car. By the time I made it home, my nerves were fried. I called hubby on the way and apologized in advance for biting his head off. I knew it would happen- I was beyond frustrated and wanted nothing more than to get home and make her feel better. It was an even more helpless feeling than before- at least the time prior, I was able to hold her.This time, she was in that darned car seat and out of my reach. Luckily she ate well and fell asleep.
So that has got to stop. I'm open to any and all suggestions on why she won't nap well while she's not at home. She sleeps well in my parents' pack n play at their house, if only she would stop pooping during her afternoon nap there and waking herself up with her poopy pants. She naps like a champ at home- she'll easily sleep for three hours in her crib in the afternoon here. In fact, she hasn't had a real nap in her swing in quite some time now. Woohoo!
She's developing and learning at such a rapid pace now. She's just about ready to start sitting up on her own and it's obvious that she's starting to use her core muscles now. She is also almost ready to roll from her tummy to her back... she has inadvertently rolled the other direction multiple times before. But she's now trying to intentionally roll because she still. hates. tummy time. Poor kid. She has also mastered the one-handed and two-handed grasps. She can easily grab something, pull it to her mouth, and lick/bite whatever she's holding. Including lots of mommy hair. Hah! She still loves her playmat and goes to town on the toys, going back and forth between slamming them and grabbing onto them and pulling them. Her hands are very, very grabby these days. Nothing is safe. Not even my mom's dog's ears.
Crazy baby has also turned into quite the conversationalist too... well, more like quite the giggler. She sometimes babbles and coos, but mostly giggles and laughs. She is a true goofball, just like I thought she would be. Her little eyes light up when she laughs and it melts my heart. It's also quite distracting and it's difficult to get out the door on time in the morning when you've got this amazing little creature giggling at you and flashing some sparkly little cupie-doll eyes at you. Ugh, I love her too much. She also gets quite bashful now too... if she's being held by someone and sees someone else, she'll smile, then bury her face into the person holding her, then look back at the second person. Bath time continues to be the highlight of her day- she has her pre-bath giggling fit, then she splashes, giggles, and plays with her toys until the water starts to get cold. Some nights, she'd stay in that bathtub for hours if I'd let her. My little water baby...
Emma's first Christmas is rapidly approaching. It's going to be a very sentimental Christmas this year. December 18th is also right around the corner, and hopefully I can blog that day and reflect on everything that it means to me. It's crazy to think that this time last year was the last few weeks of my life that I wasn't a mommy... my, how quickly things change. And my, what a crazy roller coaster of a ride it has been.
Welp. I tried posting pictures, but it's a no-go. Apparently I've used up all of my storage for photos on this blog, so I either have to purchase more storage, or get my tech-wizard husband to help out. But seeing how it's past my bedtime, I think I'm going to opt to try again some other time.
Time for my nightly routine- peek and smile at the baby in her crib, quietly sneak away, then get ready for bed. I love seeing how peaceful she looks while she's sleeping :)
The funny thing is, I feel more tired now than I did when I was getting up every 2-3 hours at night to feed her and pump. It's either a) getting up in the middle of the night for five (well, six if you include my hospital stay) months straight is catching up to me b) I just don't remember how tired I really was in those early months or c) both. I'm going to go with c on this one.
So, here I am. Sitting on the couch typing away while crazy baby is peacefully sleeping in her crib. Well, as peacefully as she can sleep. Whoever coined the phrase "sleeping like a baby" clearly had no clue how a baby really sleeps. Or they meant the phrase to mean "grunting, wiggling, squirming, burping, farting, and puking at least hourly all night long." In which case, the saying would ring true. Anyways...
The big adjustment now is her ever-changing schedule. It seems like every week is different as her body is growing and her brain is learning, which translates into changes in her feeding and sleeping schedule. For about a week, she was sleeping straight through the night. Then she started waking up once per night for about a week or two. Then a solid two to three weeks of waking up twice in the night. Now we're back to once, but last night was twice again. It's really not that bad though... it only takes me a total of 30 minutes to prepare her bottle, change her diaper, feed her, burp her, cuddle her, then place her back into her crib. The part of her schedule that has been consistent is her waking time and nap schedule, at least for the most part. She wakes up anywhere between 7:30 and 8:00am most days. Then she eats, plays, and usually gets put into her car seat, much to her dismay, and shipped off to Grandma and Grandpa's house or to Grammy and Pop's for the day. Last weekend, her schedule was perfect. One hour nap in the morning, catnap at lunch time, then a three hour nap from 3pm to 6pm. And lately, she's been in bed asleep around 8pm. Tonight was a little different, as she was just slightly overtired and didn't want to be rocked to sleep. So I put her in her crib and sat nearby while she grunted and wiggled herself to sleep, all the while attempting to suck her thumb. In the process, she gagged herself about a hundred times. One day she'll gain control over those crazy fingers. At least I hope. But anyways, she ended up falling asleep around 8:30ish and has been having little baby dreams ever since. Cute, sweet little baby dreams.
So it's been nice to see a pattern emerging with her. And even nicer to know how well-adjusted she is overall. As long as she gets enough naps during the day and enough sleep at night, she's the happiest, sweetest little girl in the world. And even when she's tired, she'll still smile and get all cheesy with you... until she realizes she's overtired. Then the wailing starts. See below. But it's actually quite an interesting adventure trying to figure all of this out and I get quite a sense of accomplishment when I try something and it works well. For a while, Emma did great with her bath/bottle/swaddle routine. Then suddenly, it stopped working as she started spending more time at her grandparents' houses and less time at home and her schedule changed. Trying to get her into a bath when she got home after barely sleeping during the day made for an incredibly angry, screaming, crying baby. See below. So I adapted and overcame. The bath is flexible- she doesn't always get one. If I'm home early enough and she's gotten a decent amount of sleep, then I'll now give her a bottle first, then a bath, then some quiet activities (like reading a book or some calm play time), then when she gets tired, it's lights out and I offer her a bottle again and let her drift to sleep in my arms. It has worked out quite well lately. But if she's tired, then the lights go out, she gets a bottle, and typically just goes to bed early.
I will overcome the overtired baby syndrome. That's my current struggle. If she doesn't get her naps during the day when she's being babysat, then she goes into nuclear meltdown mode when she gets home. We're talking full-on relentless screaming. It makes her colic days look like a walk in the park. She did this for 45 minutes straight one night and I about lost my mind... there was absolutely nothing I could do to make her feel better. Nothing. I just held her while she screamed until she tired herself out and went limp in my arms, at which point I was far too terrified to put her in her crib, so I held her for a little while to make sure she was good and asleep before I put her down. And held my breath while I made sure she really was asleep and wasn't going to start screaming again... then proceeded to curl up in hubby's lap and cry. It was so exhausting to have her scream like that and not be able to help her feel better. I felt like I had been run over by a bus. A bus of screaming infants, that is. And the other night, she started getting hungry on our way home from my parents' house and was overtired then too. She had just fallen into a deep sleep when I got there to pick her up and she was awakened by being put in her car seat. So hungry+interrupted sleep= screaming for 35 minutes straight in the car. By the time I made it home, my nerves were fried. I called hubby on the way and apologized in advance for biting his head off. I knew it would happen- I was beyond frustrated and wanted nothing more than to get home and make her feel better. It was an even more helpless feeling than before- at least the time prior, I was able to hold her.This time, she was in that darned car seat and out of my reach. Luckily she ate well and fell asleep.
So that has got to stop. I'm open to any and all suggestions on why she won't nap well while she's not at home. She sleeps well in my parents' pack n play at their house, if only she would stop pooping during her afternoon nap there and waking herself up with her poopy pants. She naps like a champ at home- she'll easily sleep for three hours in her crib in the afternoon here. In fact, she hasn't had a real nap in her swing in quite some time now. Woohoo!
She's developing and learning at such a rapid pace now. She's just about ready to start sitting up on her own and it's obvious that she's starting to use her core muscles now. She is also almost ready to roll from her tummy to her back... she has inadvertently rolled the other direction multiple times before. But she's now trying to intentionally roll because she still. hates. tummy time. Poor kid. She has also mastered the one-handed and two-handed grasps. She can easily grab something, pull it to her mouth, and lick/bite whatever she's holding. Including lots of mommy hair. Hah! She still loves her playmat and goes to town on the toys, going back and forth between slamming them and grabbing onto them and pulling them. Her hands are very, very grabby these days. Nothing is safe. Not even my mom's dog's ears.
Crazy baby has also turned into quite the conversationalist too... well, more like quite the giggler. She sometimes babbles and coos, but mostly giggles and laughs. She is a true goofball, just like I thought she would be. Her little eyes light up when she laughs and it melts my heart. It's also quite distracting and it's difficult to get out the door on time in the morning when you've got this amazing little creature giggling at you and flashing some sparkly little cupie-doll eyes at you. Ugh, I love her too much. She also gets quite bashful now too... if she's being held by someone and sees someone else, she'll smile, then bury her face into the person holding her, then look back at the second person. Bath time continues to be the highlight of her day- she has her pre-bath giggling fit, then she splashes, giggles, and plays with her toys until the water starts to get cold. Some nights, she'd stay in that bathtub for hours if I'd let her. My little water baby...
Emma's first Christmas is rapidly approaching. It's going to be a very sentimental Christmas this year. December 18th is also right around the corner, and hopefully I can blog that day and reflect on everything that it means to me. It's crazy to think that this time last year was the last few weeks of my life that I wasn't a mommy... my, how quickly things change. And my, what a crazy roller coaster of a ride it has been.
Welp. I tried posting pictures, but it's a no-go. Apparently I've used up all of my storage for photos on this blog, so I either have to purchase more storage, or get my tech-wizard husband to help out. But seeing how it's past my bedtime, I think I'm going to opt to try again some other time.
Time for my nightly routine- peek and smile at the baby in her crib, quietly sneak away, then get ready for bed. I love seeing how peaceful she looks while she's sleeping :)
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Hands are for Grabbing
OMG FRANTIC BLOG POST BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT TO WRITE ABOUT AND I REALLY NEED TO GO TO BED! BAH!
But seriously. A lot has happened over the last week and I really want to put it all in writing while it's still fresh in my memory. It's not that I haven't had time to blog, because I've actually had plenty, but I've been pretty wrapped up in a book that I can't put down so I've found that my four-day weekend (Thanksgiving, woohoo!) drifted by very quickly. Now it's almost 10pm on Sunday. Boooooo.
I spent a lot of time with my little sweet pea during the long weekend because hubby was away on a dude's weekend (read: bachelor party) for two days, leaving me to monopolize every second of baby girl's awake time. It was tiring, but super fun.
Over the last week, Emma has really refined her grabbing skills to the point where she's almost a pro at it. Almost. It all started with her having more control over her arms, leading to her being able to move them slower and allow her the opportunity to catch her toys. But this was mostly done without her looking. I guess she was just that good- she didn't even need to look at what she was doing! Now, she can look at a toy, decide she wants to grab it, shakily move her arm towards it, grab on, and pull. Coincidentally, it's not so great for mommy's long hair. I keep forgetting to put it up for middle-of-the-night feeds. Anyways, if a toy easy enough for her to grab- say, a link- then she can hold on for quite a while. She has a small, soft rattle that she likes to grab, but she doesn't possess the grip strength to keep hold of it while she flails it around, resulting in the rattle being accidentally thrown directly at her face more than once. She doesn't care, though. She just keeps on flailing. Anyways, her playmat has, once again, taken on new form for her. Initially, when she was a teeny-tiny newborn/preemie, she would lie on it and stare at the bars that hold the toys. One bar is black with white polka dots, the other is bright-colored stripes; they're perfect for early visual stimulation and development. Eventually, she began looking at the toys hanging above her. Then she realized that she could hit them. Then she started grabbing. Now she's intentionally grabbing them. It's really stinking cute, too- she grabs a toy on her right side (usually the chain of links I made), and one on her left side (currently, it's her plastic zebra rattle), and pulls them both down. Then, she starts moving them around in little circles and random patterns because she still can't keep her arms still... not that she wants to. But it seriously looks like she's steering some unseen spaceship with hanging joysticks or conducting an imaginary orchestra with her toys. This kid cracks me up.
That's one of the biggest changes with her... she now has intent. She wants to do something, and then tries to do it. You can just see the gears turning in her head as she thinks about what is going on around her. If I lay her on the floor and walk around the room, her eyes and head follow me around with ease. She loves watching what I do. It doesn't take much to entertain her- thank God. But as the days are going on, it's becoming more clear that she's really absorbing everything around her and she wants to interact with her environment and be a part of the world around her. Gone is the tiny, skinny baby who stared off into the distance and smiled at the ceiling.
Speaking of smiles. She's been flashing her toothless grin around all day every day. Every time she sees me, she smiles instantly (she's going to give me a big head about how important I am. *wink*), and she also smiles at other people, it just takes a few seconds longer for her to process new faces. So all weekend, I've been greeted with smiles every time I approach her.
Thursday, 11/22, was her first Thanksgiving! Not that it meant much to her. She really had no clue what was going on. But for me, it meant a whole room full of people who were more than happy to hold the baby while I indulged in a glass (ok, two) of wine. After we got back home, it was time for bath and bed. Her Boppy Newborn Lounger has had an official title change- it is now her pre-and post bath pillow. I drape her towel over it, place her on it, and take her out of her diaper before her bath. After her bath, I put her on the pillow again and wrap her towel around her. It works great. So before her bath on Thanksgiving, I put her on her pillow and told her that it seemed she'd have a fun bath because she was in a good mood. She looked up at me and smiled, so I smiled back and giggled. And then it began... she had her first real, true laugh. Up until then, she's basically had a vocalized smile- she'd smile and make this goofy little noise at the same time. But this was different- it was a full-on, open-mouthed laugh. And it quickly escalated into a giggling fit. Tears welled up in my eyes from laughing so hard right along with her. Hubby managed to get a quick video of her lying on her pillow in the bathroom in just an unfastened diaper (she's going to kill us for this when she's older), giggling hysterically. I put her in her bath, and held up her rubber ducky while saying "quack quack" and bobbing the ducky up and down. That made her laugh even harder. She's only had two more laughing fits like that since then, but I have treasured every second of them :)
I tried spoon-feeding her this week too. I know, I know. It's a little early. I felt like she was ready, though- she takes her medicine out of her dropper with no issues. I just put it in the front of her mouth, drip some on the front of her tongue, and she swallows it with ease. She was also on cereal in her bottle for her reflux since she was -5weeks old (she came home at 35 weeks and was already on cereal at that point) until she was about 2 1/2 months old. So I gave her some soupy rice cereal on a spoon and she wasn't thrilled. But she was also famished. I tried again with apples mixed with some breastmilk the next morning, and she was more interested and intrigued, but still too hungry to care too much. Today, hubby gave her some more cereal and she loved it. She smiled and sputtered a bit with cereal all over her face. Too cute.
But I don't know if we should continue or wait another month. On the one hand, she seems to like it and does well with it. On the other hand, the AAP and WHO suggest waiting until 6 months. But then there's all of the literature that says that waiting too much longer than that puts the baby at risk of a food aversion. She's already had a feeding tube, which can cause an aversion down the road. I had a little girl on my caseload at work that had a food aversion... it's not something I'd like to contend with. So- you're supposed to start at 6 months, no sooner, no later? But then the general recommendation from pediatricians and a lot of reputable parenting websites suggest 4-6 months, depending if your child appears ready. Mine is 4 1/2 months old and seems ready. But is it too early? Bah! Parenting is a lot of trial and error, so I've learned.
I have definitely sunken into my groove with being a mommy. No longer am I horrified of finding her blue in her carseat after a fifteen minute drive to my in-laws' house. And no longer am I wondering what to do with her to keep her entertained while she's awake. I felt confident and calm these past two days of being a pretend single mother... it's a far cry from wanting to curl into a ball in a corner every time she needed to eat out of fear that she'd have a brady and I wouldn't be able to revive her. That's why I'm glad I made this blog. I see how far I've come. I vividly remember the days of colic and the completely sleepless nights. Of waking up to the sound of her alarm going off while hubby fed her in the middle of the night and feeling paralyzed until it stopped beeping. And here I am now, giggling and playing with my sweet little girl and standing next to her crib while she drifts off to sleep while staring at me.
It reminds me of a training I attended on Reactive Attachment Disorder, in which the trainer referred to the mother as being the "supreme goddess" of the baby's universe. The basis of that saying is that, in the early months of a baby's life, the baby needs to know that mommy will drop everything at any time of the day or night to fulfill the baby's needs. Diaper, food, cuddling... anything. It builds a trusting relationship and a happy baby. It stems from the "attachment parenting" philosophy. I don't subscribe to everything in that philosophy. Namely co-sleeping. I think I fall somewhere between attachment parenting and parent-directed feeding schedules. I take her cues and let her tell me when she's hungry or needs something, but I also ensure that she sleeps in her crib at night and is able to soothe herself to sleep at times. I try to keep a good balance but I make sure that it's always about what is best for her. Not me. Yes, I still get up twice per night to feed her and it can get exhausting. But I just go to bed earlier in the evening (except tonight! aaaahhhhh I need to go to bed!!!) so I can get some sort of sleep. These days will pass eventually and I will get a full night of uninterrupted sleep again at some point. Maybe in another 18 years, but it will happen. Hah! But seriously... I'm happy, baby's happy, hubby's happy. My puppy may be happy too... poor thing. She used to be the center of the universe, and now she's not. I try to make it up to her by sacrificing my foot room in bed so she can have her very own pillow to lay on. She likes it, and I like to think that it somehow makes up for the decrease in attention she gets.
Alright. Now I'm rambling. Time to face-plant into bed.
But seriously. A lot has happened over the last week and I really want to put it all in writing while it's still fresh in my memory. It's not that I haven't had time to blog, because I've actually had plenty, but I've been pretty wrapped up in a book that I can't put down so I've found that my four-day weekend (Thanksgiving, woohoo!) drifted by very quickly. Now it's almost 10pm on Sunday. Boooooo.
I spent a lot of time with my little sweet pea during the long weekend because hubby was away on a dude's weekend (read: bachelor party) for two days, leaving me to monopolize every second of baby girl's awake time. It was tiring, but super fun.
Over the last week, Emma has really refined her grabbing skills to the point where she's almost a pro at it. Almost. It all started with her having more control over her arms, leading to her being able to move them slower and allow her the opportunity to catch her toys. But this was mostly done without her looking. I guess she was just that good- she didn't even need to look at what she was doing! Now, she can look at a toy, decide she wants to grab it, shakily move her arm towards it, grab on, and pull. Coincidentally, it's not so great for mommy's long hair. I keep forgetting to put it up for middle-of-the-night feeds. Anyways, if a toy easy enough for her to grab- say, a link- then she can hold on for quite a while. She has a small, soft rattle that she likes to grab, but she doesn't possess the grip strength to keep hold of it while she flails it around, resulting in the rattle being accidentally thrown directly at her face more than once. She doesn't care, though. She just keeps on flailing. Anyways, her playmat has, once again, taken on new form for her. Initially, when she was a teeny-tiny newborn/preemie, she would lie on it and stare at the bars that hold the toys. One bar is black with white polka dots, the other is bright-colored stripes; they're perfect for early visual stimulation and development. Eventually, she began looking at the toys hanging above her. Then she realized that she could hit them. Then she started grabbing. Now she's intentionally grabbing them. It's really stinking cute, too- she grabs a toy on her right side (usually the chain of links I made), and one on her left side (currently, it's her plastic zebra rattle), and pulls them both down. Then, she starts moving them around in little circles and random patterns because she still can't keep her arms still... not that she wants to. But it seriously looks like she's steering some unseen spaceship with hanging joysticks or conducting an imaginary orchestra with her toys. This kid cracks me up.
That's one of the biggest changes with her... she now has intent. She wants to do something, and then tries to do it. You can just see the gears turning in her head as she thinks about what is going on around her. If I lay her on the floor and walk around the room, her eyes and head follow me around with ease. She loves watching what I do. It doesn't take much to entertain her- thank God. But as the days are going on, it's becoming more clear that she's really absorbing everything around her and she wants to interact with her environment and be a part of the world around her. Gone is the tiny, skinny baby who stared off into the distance and smiled at the ceiling.
Speaking of smiles. She's been flashing her toothless grin around all day every day. Every time she sees me, she smiles instantly (she's going to give me a big head about how important I am. *wink*), and she also smiles at other people, it just takes a few seconds longer for her to process new faces. So all weekend, I've been greeted with smiles every time I approach her.
Thursday, 11/22, was her first Thanksgiving! Not that it meant much to her. She really had no clue what was going on. But for me, it meant a whole room full of people who were more than happy to hold the baby while I indulged in a glass (ok, two) of wine. After we got back home, it was time for bath and bed. Her Boppy Newborn Lounger has had an official title change- it is now her pre-and post bath pillow. I drape her towel over it, place her on it, and take her out of her diaper before her bath. After her bath, I put her on the pillow again and wrap her towel around her. It works great. So before her bath on Thanksgiving, I put her on her pillow and told her that it seemed she'd have a fun bath because she was in a good mood. She looked up at me and smiled, so I smiled back and giggled. And then it began... she had her first real, true laugh. Up until then, she's basically had a vocalized smile- she'd smile and make this goofy little noise at the same time. But this was different- it was a full-on, open-mouthed laugh. And it quickly escalated into a giggling fit. Tears welled up in my eyes from laughing so hard right along with her. Hubby managed to get a quick video of her lying on her pillow in the bathroom in just an unfastened diaper (she's going to kill us for this when she's older), giggling hysterically. I put her in her bath, and held up her rubber ducky while saying "quack quack" and bobbing the ducky up and down. That made her laugh even harder. She's only had two more laughing fits like that since then, but I have treasured every second of them :)
I tried spoon-feeding her this week too. I know, I know. It's a little early. I felt like she was ready, though- she takes her medicine out of her dropper with no issues. I just put it in the front of her mouth, drip some on the front of her tongue, and she swallows it with ease. She was also on cereal in her bottle for her reflux since she was -5weeks old (she came home at 35 weeks and was already on cereal at that point) until she was about 2 1/2 months old. So I gave her some soupy rice cereal on a spoon and she wasn't thrilled. But she was also famished. I tried again with apples mixed with some breastmilk the next morning, and she was more interested and intrigued, but still too hungry to care too much. Today, hubby gave her some more cereal and she loved it. She smiled and sputtered a bit with cereal all over her face. Too cute.
But I don't know if we should continue or wait another month. On the one hand, she seems to like it and does well with it. On the other hand, the AAP and WHO suggest waiting until 6 months. But then there's all of the literature that says that waiting too much longer than that puts the baby at risk of a food aversion. She's already had a feeding tube, which can cause an aversion down the road. I had a little girl on my caseload at work that had a food aversion... it's not something I'd like to contend with. So- you're supposed to start at 6 months, no sooner, no later? But then the general recommendation from pediatricians and a lot of reputable parenting websites suggest 4-6 months, depending if your child appears ready. Mine is 4 1/2 months old and seems ready. But is it too early? Bah! Parenting is a lot of trial and error, so I've learned.
I have definitely sunken into my groove with being a mommy. No longer am I horrified of finding her blue in her carseat after a fifteen minute drive to my in-laws' house. And no longer am I wondering what to do with her to keep her entertained while she's awake. I felt confident and calm these past two days of being a pretend single mother... it's a far cry from wanting to curl into a ball in a corner every time she needed to eat out of fear that she'd have a brady and I wouldn't be able to revive her. That's why I'm glad I made this blog. I see how far I've come. I vividly remember the days of colic and the completely sleepless nights. Of waking up to the sound of her alarm going off while hubby fed her in the middle of the night and feeling paralyzed until it stopped beeping. And here I am now, giggling and playing with my sweet little girl and standing next to her crib while she drifts off to sleep while staring at me.
It reminds me of a training I attended on Reactive Attachment Disorder, in which the trainer referred to the mother as being the "supreme goddess" of the baby's universe. The basis of that saying is that, in the early months of a baby's life, the baby needs to know that mommy will drop everything at any time of the day or night to fulfill the baby's needs. Diaper, food, cuddling... anything. It builds a trusting relationship and a happy baby. It stems from the "attachment parenting" philosophy. I don't subscribe to everything in that philosophy. Namely co-sleeping. I think I fall somewhere between attachment parenting and parent-directed feeding schedules. I take her cues and let her tell me when she's hungry or needs something, but I also ensure that she sleeps in her crib at night and is able to soothe herself to sleep at times. I try to keep a good balance but I make sure that it's always about what is best for her. Not me. Yes, I still get up twice per night to feed her and it can get exhausting. But I just go to bed earlier in the evening (except tonight! aaaahhhhh I need to go to bed!!!) so I can get some sort of sleep. These days will pass eventually and I will get a full night of uninterrupted sleep again at some point. Maybe in another 18 years, but it will happen. Hah! But seriously... I'm happy, baby's happy, hubby's happy. My puppy may be happy too... poor thing. She used to be the center of the universe, and now she's not. I try to make it up to her by sacrificing my foot room in bed so she can have her very own pillow to lay on. She likes it, and I like to think that it somehow makes up for the decrease in attention she gets.
Alright. Now I'm rambling. Time to face-plant into bed.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Milestones
I just realized I have a six pack of Woodchuck Granny Smith Hard Cider in the fridge. Commence enjoyment.
Tomorrow is World Prematurity Day! AND- the March of Dimes petition to light the White House with purple lights for preemies on 1/3/13 has all of the signatures it needed. Woohoo! I've put more thought into gathering a team to do a prematurity walk and I'm definitely going to do it. There are plenty of people who have expressed interest and I would love to give back to the organizations that helped save my daughter's life.
Onto the Emma stuff:
She amazes me every day. I watch her in awe as she learns new (and usually major) things and it's clear that she's really picking up on her surroundings. We had our first "conversation" the other night while she was taking a bath- she looked up at me and smiled, so I smiled back and made a little noise at her. She grinned from ear to ear, raised up her head a little, and made a noise back. We went back and forth like this about five times and she was so tickled by the whole thing. And last night, the little goofball started splashing like a crazy fool in her bath, then looked up at me and noticed that I was smiling and laughing. So she smiled and laughed, then splashed some more. She paused, saw me laughing again, and splashed again. I do believe that my little Emma intentionally made me laugh for the first time ever! She's also rapidly learning how to grasp onto things. If you put something in or near her hand, she'll grab onto it and bring it to her mouth. She loves trying to catch her toys on her playmat as they swing or try to slowly raise her hand to grab onto them. The problem is that she still doesn't have complete control over her movements, so she sometimes ends up throwing things unintentionally or punching her toys when she's trying to grab them. Case in point: this morning, my mom put a little plush rattle in Emma's hand and she grasped it. Her arm jerked and her fingers let go, and she ended up throwing the rattle directly into her face. Her poor face.
Seriously. Her poor face. In addition to poking out her eyeballs constantly, she still scratches herself and sometimes draws blood in doing so. And because of how handsy she is now, she also has a tendency to punch herself and now apparently throw things at her face. Never her chest. Always her face.
Emma's 4 month well-child visit was on 11-13 and it went so well. She weighed 13 pounds 4oz- her growth has slowed but she's still catching up to her actual age standards and is now in the 39th percentile for weight! She's still short and fat though ;) She is meeting all of her milestones too and the doctor and nurse were so happy with her progress. She got her shots, and the poor thing tensed up right when she got the first one and started bleeding from it. The second shot was the worst, and she started wailing. That nurse is so quick on the draw, though, and had her all cleaned up with band-aids on in a flash, so that mommy could pick up the baby and cuddle her until she stopped crying. It didn't take long. I asked her what was up with the dramatics coming from the baby that didn't make a peep when her PICC line was removed in the NICU. lol. I hate when she cries like that though, but I'm glad I can soothe her. She's starting to really snuggle into my chest when she's looking for comfort and it's so cute. Sad, but cute.
This morning went down in the record books for most vomit at the worst time. Hubby fed her around 3:00am so I could finally get some sleep. The night before, I was up every hour putting a pacifier in Emma's mouth and patting her until she calmed down because, for some reason, she wasn't able to soothe herself back to sleep when she would awaken between sleep cycles. She usually does that once or twice per night, but the other night was awful. Anyways, hubby came back to bed but heard the little one fussing, so he attempted to give her a pacifier. In the process, Emma was moving all around and ended up gagging on her pacifier (which isn't uncommon for her) and projectile vomited everywhere. And I truly mean everywhere. The carpet in front of her crib was soaked, her sheet was soaked, she was soaked, her crib had vomit all over it. It was a complete mess. I got up to help with the clean up effort and, of course, Emma was just as happy as can be. In fact, she was pretty darned excited and ready to play. I fed her a little more to replace what she had lost, but she was in no way ready for bed. Actually, she wasn't ready for bed when I put her to bed earlier in the night, but she was able to entertain herself to sleep. Hubby went back to bed while I re-fed her, but because she was so rowdy and restless, I ended up setting up camp on the couch so I could shut the bedroom door so hubby could sleep and I could still hear her if she got upset. Wouldn't you figure, I finally get comfy on the couch and she quiets down and goes right to sleep. And by that point, I was so comfy and warm that I didn't feel like getting up and getting into my cold bed, so I just stayed on the couch. I did discover that one of our couch blankets is seriously the most warm and comfy thing I've ever experienced. I'm really contemplating bringing this thing to bed with me every night. If it was so awesome that I chose to stay on the couch vs. sinking back into the Tempurpedic foam, then it's obviously amazing. I'm actually cuddled with it right now ;)
Things are pretty status quo around here. I've sunken into my role as a mommy and feel mostly in control of things again. But I have to say- I am so glad we have our Snuza Halo. It's the breathing/movement monitor that clips onto her diaper while she sleeps. I never worry about her at night because I know that if something happened, the alarm would go off. So if I happen to wake up at 5am and realize she hasn't woken up yet, it's no big deal. I know she's fine! It's priceless peace of mind for someone who's so nutso about SIDS.
Ok, fine. Now for the part you care about most. Pictures.
Tomorrow is World Prematurity Day! AND- the March of Dimes petition to light the White House with purple lights for preemies on 1/3/13 has all of the signatures it needed. Woohoo! I've put more thought into gathering a team to do a prematurity walk and I'm definitely going to do it. There are plenty of people who have expressed interest and I would love to give back to the organizations that helped save my daughter's life.
Onto the Emma stuff:
She amazes me every day. I watch her in awe as she learns new (and usually major) things and it's clear that she's really picking up on her surroundings. We had our first "conversation" the other night while she was taking a bath- she looked up at me and smiled, so I smiled back and made a little noise at her. She grinned from ear to ear, raised up her head a little, and made a noise back. We went back and forth like this about five times and she was so tickled by the whole thing. And last night, the little goofball started splashing like a crazy fool in her bath, then looked up at me and noticed that I was smiling and laughing. So she smiled and laughed, then splashed some more. She paused, saw me laughing again, and splashed again. I do believe that my little Emma intentionally made me laugh for the first time ever! She's also rapidly learning how to grasp onto things. If you put something in or near her hand, she'll grab onto it and bring it to her mouth. She loves trying to catch her toys on her playmat as they swing or try to slowly raise her hand to grab onto them. The problem is that she still doesn't have complete control over her movements, so she sometimes ends up throwing things unintentionally or punching her toys when she's trying to grab them. Case in point: this morning, my mom put a little plush rattle in Emma's hand and she grasped it. Her arm jerked and her fingers let go, and she ended up throwing the rattle directly into her face. Her poor face.
Seriously. Her poor face. In addition to poking out her eyeballs constantly, she still scratches herself and sometimes draws blood in doing so. And because of how handsy she is now, she also has a tendency to punch herself and now apparently throw things at her face. Never her chest. Always her face.
Emma's 4 month well-child visit was on 11-13 and it went so well. She weighed 13 pounds 4oz- her growth has slowed but she's still catching up to her actual age standards and is now in the 39th percentile for weight! She's still short and fat though ;) She is meeting all of her milestones too and the doctor and nurse were so happy with her progress. She got her shots, and the poor thing tensed up right when she got the first one and started bleeding from it. The second shot was the worst, and she started wailing. That nurse is so quick on the draw, though, and had her all cleaned up with band-aids on in a flash, so that mommy could pick up the baby and cuddle her until she stopped crying. It didn't take long. I asked her what was up with the dramatics coming from the baby that didn't make a peep when her PICC line was removed in the NICU. lol. I hate when she cries like that though, but I'm glad I can soothe her. She's starting to really snuggle into my chest when she's looking for comfort and it's so cute. Sad, but cute.
This morning went down in the record books for most vomit at the worst time. Hubby fed her around 3:00am so I could finally get some sleep. The night before, I was up every hour putting a pacifier in Emma's mouth and patting her until she calmed down because, for some reason, she wasn't able to soothe herself back to sleep when she would awaken between sleep cycles. She usually does that once or twice per night, but the other night was awful. Anyways, hubby came back to bed but heard the little one fussing, so he attempted to give her a pacifier. In the process, Emma was moving all around and ended up gagging on her pacifier (which isn't uncommon for her) and projectile vomited everywhere. And I truly mean everywhere. The carpet in front of her crib was soaked, her sheet was soaked, she was soaked, her crib had vomit all over it. It was a complete mess. I got up to help with the clean up effort and, of course, Emma was just as happy as can be. In fact, she was pretty darned excited and ready to play. I fed her a little more to replace what she had lost, but she was in no way ready for bed. Actually, she wasn't ready for bed when I put her to bed earlier in the night, but she was able to entertain herself to sleep. Hubby went back to bed while I re-fed her, but because she was so rowdy and restless, I ended up setting up camp on the couch so I could shut the bedroom door so hubby could sleep and I could still hear her if she got upset. Wouldn't you figure, I finally get comfy on the couch and she quiets down and goes right to sleep. And by that point, I was so comfy and warm that I didn't feel like getting up and getting into my cold bed, so I just stayed on the couch. I did discover that one of our couch blankets is seriously the most warm and comfy thing I've ever experienced. I'm really contemplating bringing this thing to bed with me every night. If it was so awesome that I chose to stay on the couch vs. sinking back into the Tempurpedic foam, then it's obviously amazing. I'm actually cuddled with it right now ;)
Things are pretty status quo around here. I've sunken into my role as a mommy and feel mostly in control of things again. But I have to say- I am so glad we have our Snuza Halo. It's the breathing/movement monitor that clips onto her diaper while she sleeps. I never worry about her at night because I know that if something happened, the alarm would go off. So if I happen to wake up at 5am and realize she hasn't woken up yet, it's no big deal. I know she's fine! It's priceless peace of mind for someone who's so nutso about SIDS.
Ok, fine. Now for the part you care about most. Pictures.
I put her in her jumper on 11-11 for the first time ever and the result was serious cuteness. I imagine one of these will be grandpa's new computer background ;)
Just hanging out.
"Staring contest. Ready... Go."
Apparently her arm tastes good?
"Go home, ducky. You're drunk."
OMG. Too many things to love about this!
4 month photos with the fabulous Miss Stephanie!
Bahahaha! She was so sleepy the day after her shots that she couldn't wake up!
I wish I woke up smiling like this every day.
This was right after she drooled all over my hand.
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