Hands are for Grabbing

OMG FRANTIC BLOG POST BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT TO WRITE ABOUT AND I REALLY NEED TO GO TO BED! BAH!

But seriously. A lot has happened over the last week and I really want to put it all in writing while it's still fresh in my memory. It's not that I haven't had time to blog, because I've actually had plenty, but I've been pretty wrapped up in a book that I can't put down so I've found that my four-day weekend (Thanksgiving, woohoo!) drifted by very quickly. Now it's almost 10pm on Sunday. Boooooo.

I spent a lot of time with my little sweet pea during the long weekend because hubby was away on a dude's weekend (read: bachelor party) for two days, leaving me to monopolize every second of baby girl's awake time. It was tiring, but super fun.

Over the last week, Emma has really refined her grabbing skills to the point where she's almost a pro at it. Almost. It all started with her having more control over her arms, leading to her being able to move them slower and allow her the opportunity to catch her toys. But this was mostly done without her looking. I guess she was just that good- she didn't even need to look at what she was doing! Now, she can look at a toy, decide she wants to grab it, shakily move her arm towards it, grab on, and pull. Coincidentally, it's not so great for mommy's long hair. I keep forgetting to put it up for middle-of-the-night feeds. Anyways, if a toy easy enough for her to grab- say, a link- then she can hold on for quite a while. She has a small, soft rattle that she likes to grab, but she doesn't possess the grip strength to keep hold of it while she flails it around, resulting in the rattle being accidentally thrown directly at her face more than once. She doesn't care, though. She just keeps on flailing. Anyways, her playmat has, once again, taken on new form for her. Initially, when she was a teeny-tiny newborn/preemie, she would lie on it and stare at the bars that hold the toys. One bar is black with white polka dots, the other is bright-colored stripes; they're perfect for early visual stimulation and development. Eventually, she began looking at the toys hanging above her. Then she realized that she could hit them. Then she started grabbing. Now she's intentionally grabbing them. It's really stinking cute, too- she grabs a toy on her right side (usually the chain of links I made), and one on her left side (currently, it's her plastic zebra rattle), and pulls them both down. Then, she starts moving them around in little circles and random patterns because she still can't keep her arms still... not that she wants to. But it seriously looks like she's steering some unseen spaceship with hanging joysticks or conducting an imaginary orchestra with her toys. This kid cracks me up.

That's one of the biggest changes with her... she now has intent. She wants to do something, and then tries to do it. You can just see the gears turning in her head as she thinks about what is going on around her. If I lay her on the floor and walk around the room, her eyes and head follow me around with ease. She loves watching what I do. It doesn't take much to entertain her- thank God. But as the days are going on, it's becoming more clear that she's really absorbing everything around her and she wants to interact with her environment and be a part of the world around her. Gone is the tiny, skinny baby who stared off into the distance and smiled at the ceiling.

Speaking of smiles. She's been flashing her toothless grin around all day every day. Every time she sees me, she smiles instantly (she's going to give me a big head about how important I am. *wink*), and she also smiles at other people, it just takes a few seconds longer for her to process new faces. So all weekend, I've been greeted with smiles every time I approach her.

Thursday, 11/22, was her first Thanksgiving! Not that it meant much to her. She really had no clue what was going on. But for me, it meant a whole room full of people who were more than happy to hold the baby while I indulged in a glass (ok, two) of wine. After we got back home, it was time for bath and bed. Her Boppy Newborn Lounger has had an official title change- it is now her pre-and post bath pillow. I drape her towel over it, place her on it, and take her out of her diaper before her bath. After her bath, I put her on the pillow again and wrap her towel around her. It works great. So before her bath on Thanksgiving, I put her on her pillow and told her that it seemed she'd have a fun bath because she was in a good mood. She looked up at me and smiled, so I smiled back and giggled. And then it began... she had her first real, true laugh. Up until then, she's basically had a vocalized smile- she'd smile and make this goofy little noise at the same time. But this was different- it was a full-on, open-mouthed laugh. And it quickly escalated into a giggling fit. Tears welled up in my eyes from laughing so hard right along with her. Hubby managed to get a quick video of her lying on her pillow in the bathroom in just an unfastened diaper (she's going to kill us for this when she's older), giggling hysterically. I put her in her bath, and held up her rubber ducky while saying "quack quack" and bobbing the ducky up and down. That made her laugh even harder. She's only had two more laughing fits like that since then, but I have treasured every second of them :)

I tried spoon-feeding her this week too. I know, I know. It's a little early. I felt like she was ready, though- she takes her medicine out of her dropper with no issues. I just put it in the front of her mouth, drip some on the front of her tongue, and she swallows it with ease. She was also on cereal in her bottle for her reflux since she was -5weeks old (she came home at 35 weeks and was already on cereal at that point) until she was about 2 1/2 months old. So I gave her some soupy rice cereal on a spoon and she wasn't thrilled. But she was also famished. I tried again with apples mixed with some breastmilk the next morning, and she was more interested and intrigued, but still too hungry to care too much. Today, hubby gave her some more cereal and she loved it. She smiled and sputtered a bit with cereal all over her face. Too cute.

But I don't know if we should continue or wait another month. On the one hand, she seems to like it and does well with it. On the other hand, the AAP and WHO suggest waiting until 6 months. But then there's all of the literature that says that waiting too much longer than that puts the baby at risk of a food aversion. She's already had a feeding tube, which can cause an aversion down the road. I had a little girl on my caseload at work that had a food aversion... it's not something I'd like to contend with. So- you're supposed to start at 6 months, no sooner, no later? But then the general recommendation from pediatricians and a lot of reputable parenting websites suggest 4-6 months, depending if your child appears ready. Mine is 4 1/2 months old and seems ready. But is it too early? Bah! Parenting is a lot of trial and error, so I've learned.

I have definitely sunken into my groove with being a mommy. No longer am I horrified of finding her blue in her carseat after a fifteen minute drive to my in-laws' house. And no longer am I wondering what to do with her to keep her entertained while she's awake. I felt confident and calm these past two days of being a pretend single mother... it's a far cry from wanting to curl into a ball in a corner every time she needed to eat out of fear that she'd have a brady and I wouldn't be able to revive her. That's why I'm glad I made this blog. I see how far I've come. I vividly remember the days of colic and the completely sleepless nights. Of waking up to the sound of her alarm going off while hubby fed her in the middle of the night and feeling paralyzed until it stopped beeping. And here I am now, giggling and playing with my sweet little girl and standing next to her crib while she drifts off to sleep while staring at me.

 It reminds me of a training I attended on Reactive Attachment Disorder, in which the trainer referred to the mother as being the "supreme goddess" of the baby's universe. The basis of that saying is that, in the early months of a baby's life, the baby needs to know that mommy will drop everything at any time of the day or night to fulfill the baby's needs. Diaper, food, cuddling... anything. It builds a trusting relationship and a happy baby. It stems from the "attachment parenting" philosophy. I don't subscribe to everything in that philosophy. Namely co-sleeping. I think I fall somewhere between attachment parenting and parent-directed feeding schedules. I take her cues and let her tell me when she's hungry or needs something, but I also ensure that she sleeps in her crib at night and is able to soothe herself to sleep at times. I try to keep a good balance but I make sure that it's always about what is best for her. Not me. Yes, I still get up twice per night to feed her and it can get exhausting. But I just go to bed earlier in the evening (except tonight! aaaahhhhh I need to go to bed!!!) so I can get some sort of sleep. These days will pass eventually and I will get a full night of uninterrupted sleep again at some point. Maybe in another 18 years, but it will happen. Hah! But seriously... I'm happy, baby's happy, hubby's happy. My puppy may be happy too... poor thing. She used to be the center of the universe, and now she's not. I try to make it up to her by sacrificing my foot room in bed so she can have her very own pillow to lay on. She likes it, and I like to think that it somehow makes up for the decrease in attention she gets.

Alright. Now I'm rambling. Time to face-plant into bed.