Hello, 2013.

Oh, god. Where has the time gone?

I've been sucked into a time warp thanks to a sick baby, some good books, and two four-day weekends in a row. I'm glad the whirlwind of the holidays is over but the aftermath isn't quite so pretty... especially since crazy baby has been sick. STILL.

Yep, three weeks of unsettled, cranky, whiny, grunty, congested baby. And in that three weeks, I've bought an insane amount of remedies and baby gear- anything to make my sweet little buttercup feel better- and shifted my theory on what was bothering her about a bajillion times. You see, this cold that she has (maybe it's allergies? I'm still not sure!) has been super sneaky. It started with her having difficulty going back to sleep when she'd wake up for her nighttime bottle. Then cranky bedtime and sleeping all night. Her congestion didn't seem bad until recently, but it was always there. I just didn't think it was bad enough to cause her to be so darned restless and irritable, but I was apparently wrong. She may also be teething, but the verdict is still out on that one. Over the last few days, the junk in the back of her throat has gotten worse, to the point where she just can't clear it out and it really pisses her off. I'm certain it'd piss me off too if I had thick phlegm in the back of my throat and I couldn't do anything to get rid of it.

So, really, my last three weeks have consisted of a lot of the following: rocking, swaying, jiggling, feeding, soothing, shushing, patting, walking. And using the humidifier, baby rub, teething tablets, wet washcloth, Colic Calm, Tylenol (waste of time), saline, and the bulb syringe. And there is nothing on the face of this earth that enrages my child more than the bulb syringe... I'm seriously looking forward to the arrival of her Nose Frida on Monday. Google that... now. Yep- it's basically a snot sucker, and apparently it works wonders. Since Emma hates the bulb syringe so much, I feel the snot sucker is worth a try and will hopefully eliminate most of the risk of poking out her eyeball with the bulb syringe while she shakes her head back and forth trying to avoid my attack. She's also caught on to the fact that she can swat the bulb away with her hands.

*sigh* These are the things people forget to tell you about having young children. Or at least the things people forgot to tell me. That when your almost-six-month-old baby gets sick, all of your determination to get her to be an independent sleeper will fly right out the window along with all of the money you're going to spend on any product promising to make your child feel better.

I seriously took for granted the days when she was such a fantastic sleeper- up at 7:30am, one hour nap about an hour or two after that, cat nap at lunch time, three hour nap in the afternoon, in bed by 8. She's been a swing sleeper for her naps for about the last week, and last night she slept in her swing all night. I was able to turn off the swing after she had fallen asleep, but it keeps her at an angle that prevents the junk in her throat from choking her and waking her up. So I'm seriously terrified that we're going to have a loooooooong and painful process of getting her to sleep in her crib again. I'm hoping this cold doesn't last much longer. Three weeks is ridiculous.

We're putting prune juice concentrate in her morning bottle so that she isn't pooping rocks anymore. Since we've started doing that, she hasn't been grunting and whining all day anymore. She still doesn't feel well and so she gets fussy once her excitement about a new activity has worn off, but it isn't a full day of grunting. The prune concentrate turns her bottle a nice coffee color, so apparently she's joining me and my morning coffee habit. Her "morning cup of joe" reminds me of her morning dose of caffeine in the NICU for her apnea episodes... ah, the NICU days. It's crazy to think that her cold has lasted for almost as long as her entire NICU stay. These past three weeks have felt like half the amount of time she spent in that place.

On the development stuff... she's about a few weeks to a month behind on her gross motor skills for her actual age, which is to be expected. In fact, she's still technically one month ahead. Her fine motor skills are fantastic- she can look at something, decide she wants it, and lean forward and reach for it. Grab it. Pull it to her mouth. She seriously just wants to eat the whole world, or at least gum it and see how it tastes. She's incredibly aware of her surroundings and can track fast-moving objects and people walking around the room. If you stand near her and talk, she'll divert her attention to you and look up directly into your face. She'll hold your gaze for a while. She giggles like none other. She holds her head and chest up while on her tummy like she's been doing it her whole life. If someone's holding her and a second person walks up and talks to her, she'll smile with her whole mouth open, kick her feet, turn her head away, and hit the person holding her with both hands... she gets overwhelmed with happiness sometimes. She has clear likes and dislikes and starts to whine when she wants something. She isn't rolling over yet, but she's still pretty close. And she's not babbling yet either, but that tongue is doing some fancy work in that little mouth of hers so I'm thinking she'll start making more consonant sounds soon. She's definitely sharp as a tack, though and you can really see her gears turning when she's presented with something new or interesting.

*Incoming obligatory New Year ramblings*

2012. What a year. On 12/31/11, I was at a New Year's Eve party with my two fellow preggos, watching a bunch of people we didn't know get embarrassingly drunk. I drove my sleeping husband home at 3am while terrified of the drunks on the road, relieved to have made it home alive and in one piece. This year, I sipped some champagne with dinner and held my breath while the baby settled in to her crib to sleep and the fireworks outside sounded like bombs going off in her nursery. I needed a nap before the ball dropped. Hubby woke me up in time to wipe the sleepiness out of my eyes before midnight, then we shared our midnight kiss which has been the tradition for the past six (now seven) New Year's Eves we've spent together. I sipped more champagne, then made my way into bed, angrily Facebooking about the fireworks that needed to stop because my sick child was trying to sleep. What a world of difference from the year before.

But 2012 is a year I'll never forget. It was the year I became a mommy, and not just a normal first-time mommy, but a first-time mommy to a preemie. I knew I'd be spending the night in the hospital for the first time ever when I delivered her, but had no clue that I'd actually end up spending 28 nights in the hospital for myself, and a bunch more with her. 2012 was the year of learning just how much I'm able to handle. How I can go into survival mode and just make it through. Of knowing that there is always the other end of every ordeal, despite not knowing what that other end will look like.

I learned what real friendship is about. I was humbled by the amount of people who prayed for me, encouraged me, and tried to make me smile in a very dark and anxiety-ridden time. But I also realized that it's fully possible for someone to rejoice in another's good fortune even when your own circumstances suck. And that I have zero room in my life for negative people. I grew closer to my husband than I ever thought possible. I watched him transform into the loving father I knew he'd be, but even more so than I ever imagined. I also experienced a kind of love I've never felt before- the love that a mother feels towards her child.

My visions of a healthy baby and breastfeeding didn't come to fruition, at least not in the way I pictured it. I never thought I'd be buying formula and mixing bottles day after day... or reviving my child multiple times a day for that matter.

Aside from the baby stuff, I took a leap of faith and made a decision to move back to my "home" at work. I wasn't immediately sure that it was the right decision. But by the time the end of the year rolled around, I knew it was right. It was like jumping off a cliff and hoping the parachute opens... and it did.

On a lighter note, there were lots of other things I never anticipated... like baby poop under my fingernail during a diaper change in the back of my mom's minivan in the Target parking lot. Bath poop. Learning that my cleavage creates a perfect funnel for baby vomit. Learning the hard way that lifting the baby up over your head and then slowly lowering her for a kiss on the cheek directly after feeding her is a sure-fire way to get baby vomit all over your face, up your nose, and in your hair. That baby hands inevitably grab and rip chunks of hair out of your head in a split second. Making a baby laugh while feeding results in formula being sputtered all over your face. And the sound of my own child giggling is by far the sweetest sound I've ever heard.

2012. The year of everything unanticipated. The year that knocked me off my feet (quite literally, when you consider the hospital bed rest), spun me around, and showed me no mercy. Yet, ended in such a great place (minus the baby sickies).

I really hope 2013 is... more predictable. Please, for the love of God... no more surprises!