Time to bare my soul to the blogosphere for the 800th time...
I admit it: I'm a big-time flip-flopper of a mom. I've been repeatedly told that Geminis (which I am) are wishy-washy and, well... guilty as charged. Call it what you want, but I can't seem to make a major parenting decision without changing my mind a billion times. Why? After some soul searching, I realized... it's because my heart tells me one thing, and the interwebs tell me another. Solution? Go with the heart.
At one point, I identified myself as being a middle-ground parent... somewhere between parent-led scheduling and attachment parenting. But there's nothing like a training on attachment-based therapy to make you question every single choice you've made as a parent in an attempt to help your child be independent. Serious face-palm.
I found myself trying to figure out how to correct the bad habit of giving the toddler/baby a bottle and rocking her to sleep for every nap and at bedtime and then I caught myself. Bad habit?! BAD?! Lord, have mercy.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this is in no way a bad habit. How on earth could it be bad that the last thing my little angel sees before her eyes grow too heavy to stay open is her mommy smiling down at her? The last thing she hears is mommy humming her some lullabies? The last thing she smells is my skin (and probably the milk that inevitably ends up on my shirt)? That the last thing she feels is my warmth, my touch, my love... HOW IS THAT BAD?!?!?!
I've always taken her lead. There was a point in time when she didn't want me to hold her at bedtime and she much preferred to wiggle herself to sleep in her crib. We did that for a while, until she had her sleep regression at about 11 months. That was when she impulsively rolled over, sat herself up, and wailed like a banshee because she was tired but couldn't stop herself from sitting up like a big girl. That's when I began my "bad habit" of rocking her to sleep and we've maintained that ever since, with a few exceptions. There have been a few nights that she is too wound up to be rocked to sleep, and she'd prefer to sit in her crib and play with her Chubby Bunny until she falls asleep. But that's not often.
But you know what? She's in bed around 7:30 or 8:00 most nights and sleeps until about 7:00 or 7:30 with barely a peep. Sometimes she'll wake up extra early, but will put herself back to sleep (like this morning, THANK GOD). So my "bad habit" doesn't seem to have any ill effect on her at all.
Babies are not meant to be convenient. In a world in which most parents work outside of the home, we've suddenly adopted a philosophy of trying to have these little independent mini-adults running around so that we get our precious sleep and don't have to deal anything inconvenient. Pfffttt... that's absolutely silly. Bring on the full parenting experience- I signed up to be a parent, not a babysitter.
So I flip-flopped a hundred times about whether or not to start putting her in her crib awake instead of rocking her to sleep. My final decision is to rock her to sleep... she won't be in high school and need me to rock her to sleep. And when she's in high school, I'll so sorely miss these times.
My latest flip-flopping is about her bottles. She has finally (hallelujah) started drinking from a straw cup and still despises sippy cups. Whatever, I'll take what I can get at this point... but I've still been giving her milk in a bottle at nap time and bed time and for some reason this bothered me. Again, thanks to the interwebs for putting it into my mind that my child is supposed to be broken of the "bottle habit" at 12 months. Nah. She's fine... the only thing I do worry about is her teeth, but at least she doesn't fall asleep with the bottle in her mouth. She finished her milk and then drifts off to sleep... I brush her teeth every night. But I should probably give her a sip of water after her bedtime bottle for extra protection against bottle rot. Anyways... I read some stuff online today that made so much sense- why take away something that comforts her? She'll grow out of it and decide when she no longer needs it. I definitely trust that- she certainly tells us when she's had enough of something. She broke herself of the pacifier habit at only a few months of age. I found a pacifier and gave it to her to see what she would do, and she chewed on the plastic part and clearly had no idea what it was intended for. Then she threw it and moved on with her little life.
So that's where I stand- I'm going to continue to be the horrible mother who gives her one-year-old a bottle and rocks her to sleep every night. Jeez, someone should take away my parenting license pronto before I start getting really crazy and doing something like holding her when she's being clingy. The horror.
Alright. Moving right along...
New developments: Baby Bird points with her fat little index finger now. And her little thumb sticks out too (making an "L" shape) so I've been trying to teach her to say "pew pew pew" while she's pointing at things so it makes it look like she's shooting an imaginary gun. I should probably stop encouraging that.
She's been making strides with eating table food, and she apparently loves anything covered in tomato sauce, go figure. She ate veggie pasta with tomato sauce the other night and I couldn't give it to her fast enough. I'm not even sure if she really even chewed it... her days of gagging on everything are behind us. HOORAY!!! She ate tortellini a few weeks ago and I seriously thought I was going to do a victory lap around the house. I had the urge to call everyone who cared and tell them about my amazing child that just ate three tortellini. I'm so serious, too- I haven't been that excited about something in a very long time.
She's still not walking, and I don't even care. Really, I don't... she's doing it in her own time and is getting closer day-by-day so I'm not at all concerned. She recently started cruising on furniture a lot more, and letting go of one piece of furniture to switch over to another one nearby. She's also being daring and letting go of her support to stand on her own for a few seconds at a time.
She's talking up a storm now, too. She has little conversations with herself about whatever she's playing with and you can easily tell the emotion behind her gibberish- sometimes she's clearly happy, and other times she's a little peeved or confused.
Her favorite things in the whole world are birds. Specifically, big, black, loud crows. She was sitting in her highchair yesterday morning eating her breakfast and watching outside to see if one of the crows would land on the lightpost. I was in the kitchen getting everything ready for the day, when I heard her excitedly say "bird!" I looked over and she was pointing out the sliding glass door, and there was a giant crow perched on top of the lightpost. She also pointed at the dog the other morning and said "puppy." So stinking cute.
She's still holding steady at six words- puppy, mommy, bird, daddy, hi, and night-night. "Baby" may be the next one, but I'm not sure on that yet.
Her favorite person in the world is apparently her Grammy. She hadn't seen her Grammy in a week, and wanted nothing to do with anyone or anything other than her Grammy yesterday morning. I ceased to exist the moment she saw her and she wouldn't let anyone else hold her, nor would she let Grammy put her down. I'm pretty sure she made her Grammy's day. I happen to love her Grammy too, so we have that in common :)
She has also discovered how to put things into other things... like putting blocks into a bucket, and then dumping them out. We have this Fischer Price activity barn and one side has a cow's face with an open mouth and you can feed it little plastic veggies. She picked up on that and does it all the time (and it's really not that easy). The other side has a chicken with a little chute underneath it and a basket at the bottom. There are plastic slightly-larger-than-life-sized eggs that you can put down the chute so they land in the basket. She's mastered that too. She can work buttons, switches, and is starting to try shape-sorting, although she's a long way from mastering that.
AND. She likes me to hold her now. :) She gives lots of kisses, and clings to me at times.
So, yea. Life is wonderful... I've never felt so much love in my heart and I feel so lucky to have such a cute, sweet, beautiful, amazing child. When I'm being a horrible mother and rocking her while she sleeps at night, I remind myself how fortunate I am to have my little cuddle bug in my arms and to have had another day with her in my life. My arms were empty for years and I longed to hold a child of my own. Now I'm never going to let her go...
(holy sappiness.)
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Saturday, August 10, 2013
The White Flag Still Flies
It's 10pm on a Saturday and I'm blogging against my better judgment. But fear not, I've been doing lots of things against my better judgment lately and all has worked out well so far.
Apparently my last post was on Emma's first birthday, and much has happened since then.
For instance... I'm now the mother of a one-year-old. I hesitate to call her a toddler because she's not walking yet and I'm going to milk every last drop of baby-hood out of this kid. Heck, I'll probably not refer to her as a toddler until she's preschool aged. Or maybe she'll just be my baby for ever and ever and ever. That sounds better to me.
I made it through her first birthday with minimal tears, and most of them were from happiness at the fact that we made it through the first year and are still a family of three. Yep, we all survived those 365 days somehow and have some now-distant memories, like:
My extreme fear of SIDS. I forgot to mention this in a previous post, but we weaned ourselves of the motion-sensing diaper clip at about 10 months of age. Pathetic, I know. But it was a sincere God-send and the only reason I was able to sleep at all for those first ten months. I was ready to ditch the clip before hubby was... his philosophy was to keep it on her until she started taking it off in the middle of the night. I figured she was past the danger zone for SIDS but agreed to keep it on her for a while. Until I was woken up in the middle of the night to an obnoxious beeping sound, only to find my peacefully slumbering baby in her crib with her clip lying next to her on the mattress. So that was the final time we used the clip, and we haven't looked back.
The bradys. You know what's absolutely absurd? Sometimes I forget about the bradys, like it never happened. I realized that I told someone recently that she stayed in the NICU for three weeks but was a healthy baby, and only later remembered that she was not, in fact, healthy at all. She practically died in my arms on daily basis for almost two months straight. But no more of that!
Spit up. YES, I'm so glad to not be drenched in spit-up anymore. It did absolutely nothing positive for my skin or clothes and made me smell absolutely wretched. In fact, I recently pulled a shirt out of the drawer that I hadn't worn in quite a while and couldn't figure out why I kept catching a whiff of vomit stink throughout the day (luckily it was a t-shirt that I only wear around the house). Then I looked in the mirror, and saw the faint outline of a stain, and the memory of those awful nights of projectile vomiting from December/January came flooding back. When we moved from the old house, I could clearly see the stains in the carpet from the vomit puddles.
Being up all night. I was reading some old blog posts recently about the mommy meltdowns and sleepless nights and thought... jeez, I'm tired. I went to bed at 10:30 last night and got up at 7:30. YAWN. LOL.
Alright, There's so much more to the list, but I need to get on to the good stuff.
Food: That white flag is still flying shamefully high. I feel so defeated when it comes to feeding this kid, who still refuses pretty much everything that's not baby fruit. We've had some small victories, though, and now she'll eat small amounts of cheese, toast, goldfish crackers (the whole grain kind, of course), cold macaroni and cheese, and muffins. She may like bagels, but I'm not sure on that. And tonight, she actually ate some boiled carrots and leftover long-grain and wild rice from the other night. I was shocked at how much she liked the rice. But the issue is that she'll only eat small amounts of each thing before she loses interest and starts grumping. Except for toast, because she'll sometimes eat almost half a slice of that. The last few days have been tough because she hasn't wanted to eat much of anything (even a sweet potato!), likely due to her teething. The gagging has subsided a little bit, but she still doesn't want much to do with anything I've tried giving her. UGH. I also struggle with finding the time to prepare table food for her. I try to give her a sample of what we eat, but she usually wants nothing to do with it. I even bought some fancy-shmancy Gerber toddler entrees, and she thought I had lost my mind when I tried to get her to eat them. In her defense, the texture of the "ravioli" was a little off-putting. So, as always, I'm open to suggestions on how/what to feed her. Everything I've read has suggested repetition and gentle encouragement. So, onwards I march.
We're weaning her from baby formula! And the bank account really appreciates that! I figured my super-picky kid would take issue with transitioning from formula to cow's milk and that we'd slowly transition her from one to the other. On a whim, I gave her some milk in her bottle and she clearly loved it. She's a milk fiend... we're still finishing up the last bit of baby formula we have, and then we'll keep some toddler formula on hand while she's still being such a picky eater. I want to make sure she's getting the nutrients she needs, even on her fussy days. Now to wean her from her naptime and bedtime bottles.
Speaking of bottles. She hates sippy cups. And straw cups. And training cups. And basically anything that's not a bottle. UGH. I just have to keep reminding myself that she's technically only 11 months old still.
Teeth: SIX! And numbers 7 and 8 are making their triumphant (and grumpy) debut. She likes brushing her teeth at night before bed :)
Sleep: Still going strong! She has had a few short-lived sleep regressions but is still sleeping about 11-12 hours straight at night. She'll sometimes wake up around 6 or 6:30 in the morning and talk to herself and stand up in her crib, but she falls back asleep for another hour or so. At night, I get her fully asleep (most nights) before I put her down, and still put her on her back because it's the easiest for me to do. At some point, she flips herself on her tummy and remains in some sort of face-down position throughout the night. Most of the time, she looks like a drunk person who's passed out on the floor. We keep her "Chubby Bunny" in her crib with her and sometimes she'll sleep with her arm around it, although apparently the two of them are not on the best of terms because the bunny has ended up on the floor at some point in the middle of the night.
Words: SIX!!! Yes, SIX!!! In this order (I think, sometimes it's hard to tell when a word is a coincidence or a real word until after she's said it a few times):
1. Puppy
2. Mommy
3. Bird (yep. BIRD. My child is so strange)
4. Daddy
5. Hi
6. Night-Night
She speaks some crazy version of baby gibberish and I swear it sounds like she's an Indian rapper most days. She uses all kinds of inflection and expressions and tells some really interesting sounding stories, if only I could understand what she's actually saying.
Development: She's pretty much on-target for her actual age with the exception of walking. But she could care less about walking- she's far too content with crawling. She pulls herself up on everything but isn't yet standing without support... she can take her time on that. I'm in no hurry ;) Her language development is amazing and her little hands are still really agile.
Growth: My miracle-gro baby has grown less than a half pound in the last four months. The doctor isn't worried and she's still healthy, but I guess she decided to take a break from growing. That's fine with me, too, because it's been nice to have her stay in the same size of clothing for longer than two months.
This kid can certainly dazzle an audience and I think we have a pop star in the making. She can sing... I kid you not. It's the darned cutest thing ever- I'll walk around and sing or hum to her and lately she's been humming right back at me. It usually just consists of repeating one high note and one low note back and forth, but I'm blown away that she can do that. She also "beat-boxes" when she goes back and forth between clicking her tongue on the top of her palette and popping her lips... I'm inclined to think that it's some sort of highly advanced skill for a one-year-old, but I could be wrong on that.
Oh, and she has finally realized that she needs her mommy and daddy! FINALLY! If she's scared (usually of thunder or the vacuum cleaner), she'll hurriedly crawl over to me and climb into my lap as quickly as possible and proceed to cling to me like a baby koala. She's starting to cuddle a little, too. Woohoo!
Her current favorite thing to do is read books. Well, sit in mommy's lap while mommy reads a book and Emma interacts accordingly (like on the page in her elephant book that shows an elephant stomping... I taught her to stomp her foot when we get to that page, and to nuzzle into mommy when we get to the page showing elephants nuzzling. so. cute.), then she'll proceed to go back through the book and "read" it herself. She uses her little thumbs to open up the pages and helps me turn them when I'm reading her the book. All I have to do is tell her to get a book, and she'll climb into my lap and wait for the fun to begin. I really cherish those moments :)
Apparently my last post was on Emma's first birthday, and much has happened since then.
For instance... I'm now the mother of a one-year-old. I hesitate to call her a toddler because she's not walking yet and I'm going to milk every last drop of baby-hood out of this kid. Heck, I'll probably not refer to her as a toddler until she's preschool aged. Or maybe she'll just be my baby for ever and ever and ever. That sounds better to me.
I made it through her first birthday with minimal tears, and most of them were from happiness at the fact that we made it through the first year and are still a family of three. Yep, we all survived those 365 days somehow and have some now-distant memories, like:
My extreme fear of SIDS. I forgot to mention this in a previous post, but we weaned ourselves of the motion-sensing diaper clip at about 10 months of age. Pathetic, I know. But it was a sincere God-send and the only reason I was able to sleep at all for those first ten months. I was ready to ditch the clip before hubby was... his philosophy was to keep it on her until she started taking it off in the middle of the night. I figured she was past the danger zone for SIDS but agreed to keep it on her for a while. Until I was woken up in the middle of the night to an obnoxious beeping sound, only to find my peacefully slumbering baby in her crib with her clip lying next to her on the mattress. So that was the final time we used the clip, and we haven't looked back.
The bradys. You know what's absolutely absurd? Sometimes I forget about the bradys, like it never happened. I realized that I told someone recently that she stayed in the NICU for three weeks but was a healthy baby, and only later remembered that she was not, in fact, healthy at all. She practically died in my arms on daily basis for almost two months straight. But no more of that!
Spit up. YES, I'm so glad to not be drenched in spit-up anymore. It did absolutely nothing positive for my skin or clothes and made me smell absolutely wretched. In fact, I recently pulled a shirt out of the drawer that I hadn't worn in quite a while and couldn't figure out why I kept catching a whiff of vomit stink throughout the day (luckily it was a t-shirt that I only wear around the house). Then I looked in the mirror, and saw the faint outline of a stain, and the memory of those awful nights of projectile vomiting from December/January came flooding back. When we moved from the old house, I could clearly see the stains in the carpet from the vomit puddles.
Being up all night. I was reading some old blog posts recently about the mommy meltdowns and sleepless nights and thought... jeez, I'm tired. I went to bed at 10:30 last night and got up at 7:30. YAWN. LOL.
Alright, There's so much more to the list, but I need to get on to the good stuff.
Food: That white flag is still flying shamefully high. I feel so defeated when it comes to feeding this kid, who still refuses pretty much everything that's not baby fruit. We've had some small victories, though, and now she'll eat small amounts of cheese, toast, goldfish crackers (the whole grain kind, of course), cold macaroni and cheese, and muffins. She may like bagels, but I'm not sure on that. And tonight, she actually ate some boiled carrots and leftover long-grain and wild rice from the other night. I was shocked at how much she liked the rice. But the issue is that she'll only eat small amounts of each thing before she loses interest and starts grumping. Except for toast, because she'll sometimes eat almost half a slice of that. The last few days have been tough because she hasn't wanted to eat much of anything (even a sweet potato!), likely due to her teething. The gagging has subsided a little bit, but she still doesn't want much to do with anything I've tried giving her. UGH. I also struggle with finding the time to prepare table food for her. I try to give her a sample of what we eat, but she usually wants nothing to do with it. I even bought some fancy-shmancy Gerber toddler entrees, and she thought I had lost my mind when I tried to get her to eat them. In her defense, the texture of the "ravioli" was a little off-putting. So, as always, I'm open to suggestions on how/what to feed her. Everything I've read has suggested repetition and gentle encouragement. So, onwards I march.
We're weaning her from baby formula! And the bank account really appreciates that! I figured my super-picky kid would take issue with transitioning from formula to cow's milk and that we'd slowly transition her from one to the other. On a whim, I gave her some milk in her bottle and she clearly loved it. She's a milk fiend... we're still finishing up the last bit of baby formula we have, and then we'll keep some toddler formula on hand while she's still being such a picky eater. I want to make sure she's getting the nutrients she needs, even on her fussy days. Now to wean her from her naptime and bedtime bottles.
Speaking of bottles. She hates sippy cups. And straw cups. And training cups. And basically anything that's not a bottle. UGH. I just have to keep reminding myself that she's technically only 11 months old still.
Teeth: SIX! And numbers 7 and 8 are making their triumphant (and grumpy) debut. She likes brushing her teeth at night before bed :)
Sleep: Still going strong! She has had a few short-lived sleep regressions but is still sleeping about 11-12 hours straight at night. She'll sometimes wake up around 6 or 6:30 in the morning and talk to herself and stand up in her crib, but she falls back asleep for another hour or so. At night, I get her fully asleep (most nights) before I put her down, and still put her on her back because it's the easiest for me to do. At some point, she flips herself on her tummy and remains in some sort of face-down position throughout the night. Most of the time, she looks like a drunk person who's passed out on the floor. We keep her "Chubby Bunny" in her crib with her and sometimes she'll sleep with her arm around it, although apparently the two of them are not on the best of terms because the bunny has ended up on the floor at some point in the middle of the night.
Words: SIX!!! Yes, SIX!!! In this order (I think, sometimes it's hard to tell when a word is a coincidence or a real word until after she's said it a few times):
1. Puppy
2. Mommy
3. Bird (yep. BIRD. My child is so strange)
4. Daddy
5. Hi
6. Night-Night
She speaks some crazy version of baby gibberish and I swear it sounds like she's an Indian rapper most days. She uses all kinds of inflection and expressions and tells some really interesting sounding stories, if only I could understand what she's actually saying.
Development: She's pretty much on-target for her actual age with the exception of walking. But she could care less about walking- she's far too content with crawling. She pulls herself up on everything but isn't yet standing without support... she can take her time on that. I'm in no hurry ;) Her language development is amazing and her little hands are still really agile.
Growth: My miracle-gro baby has grown less than a half pound in the last four months. The doctor isn't worried and she's still healthy, but I guess she decided to take a break from growing. That's fine with me, too, because it's been nice to have her stay in the same size of clothing for longer than two months.
This kid can certainly dazzle an audience and I think we have a pop star in the making. She can sing... I kid you not. It's the darned cutest thing ever- I'll walk around and sing or hum to her and lately she's been humming right back at me. It usually just consists of repeating one high note and one low note back and forth, but I'm blown away that she can do that. She also "beat-boxes" when she goes back and forth between clicking her tongue on the top of her palette and popping her lips... I'm inclined to think that it's some sort of highly advanced skill for a one-year-old, but I could be wrong on that.
Oh, and she has finally realized that she needs her mommy and daddy! FINALLY! If she's scared (usually of thunder or the vacuum cleaner), she'll hurriedly crawl over to me and climb into my lap as quickly as possible and proceed to cling to me like a baby koala. She's starting to cuddle a little, too. Woohoo!
Her current favorite thing to do is read books. Well, sit in mommy's lap while mommy reads a book and Emma interacts accordingly (like on the page in her elephant book that shows an elephant stomping... I taught her to stomp her foot when we get to that page, and to nuzzle into mommy when we get to the page showing elephants nuzzling. so. cute.), then she'll proceed to go back through the book and "read" it herself. She uses her little thumbs to open up the pages and helps me turn them when I'm reading her the book. All I have to do is tell her to get a book, and she'll climb into my lap and wait for the fun to begin. I really cherish those moments :)
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Year One
I'm hoping I can make this a yearly tradition, either in writing or on video (when she's old enough to actually answer the questions):
YEAR ONE!
YEAR ONE!
How old are you? One!
What is your nickname? It changes every few weeks. The most common have been sweet potato, tater, and boo-boo. Although lately it's been moo.
What is your favorite color? I don't think you have one yet.
What is your favorite animal? Puppy, duh.
What is your favorite book? "Pat the Bunny" although it ends up being more like "Eat the Bunny"
What is your favorite TV show? Baby Einstein, but that's because it's really the only thing we let you watch.
What is your favorite movie? You've never watched a movie. You're still a baby and have an incredibly short attention span.
What is your favorite song? Anything that is music.
What is your favorite drink? Formula, and you literally will not drink anything else.
What is your favorite dinner? Sweet potatoes.
What is your favorite snack? Puffs or yogurt melts
What is your favorite outfit? You really could care less about clothes.
What is your favorite game? Refuse to go to sleep? Oh, wait... no. Probably pulling yourself up in the pack n play and then slamming your little butt down as hard as you can, if you consider that a "game"
What is your favorite toy? For the last few days, it's been a little ball with a bell inside it. It looks like a cat toy, but it's not. You like to hold it and shake it incessantly.
Who is your best friend? I'd like to think it's me (mommy) but I'm pretty sure it's the dog.
What is your favorite thing to do? Be carried around by mommy.
What is your favorite holiday? I'm going with Christmas on this one.
What is your favorite thing to take to bed with you at night? I don't think you care, but we've been putting your "Chubby Bunny" in your crib with you. You love that little guy... Grammy bought him for you after Easter.
Where is your favorite place to go? Shopping!
Where do you want to go on vacation? I think you're already looking forward to going on that cruise when Pop retires, right? ;)
What do you want to be when you grow up? Hopefully a doctor.
What did you do on your birthday? Grumped a lot. Decided that sitting in the bath is for babies, so you stood for almost the whole thing and laughed in my face (literally). We went grocery shopping where you made some new friends. Mommy took you for a walk around the block. You ate apple/strawberry/banana and oatmeal for breakfast, mac 'n cheese with veggies and cheerios for lunch, and sweet potato/turkey/grains for dinner with some baby "cheetos" and yogurt melts. And then you adamantly refused to go to bed until almost 10pm. You gave mommy and daddy sweet little kisses with your tongue sticking out. And you played with your new toy- a big Barn with lots of activities on it.
Dear Emma
Dear Emma,
I'm writing this in a bit of a fog, because you decided to prolong your bedtime by about two hours and now I'm a little worn out. So, thanks for that. :)
It's been one year since you came flying into this world and made me a mother. In this short year, you've challenged me like I've never been before, deprived me of sleep, soaked me in every god-awful bodily fluid possible, and filled my heart with a kind of love I never knew existed. Yes, my sweet little princess, I wouldn't trade the vomit-soaked shirts for anything else in the world.
You smiled at about six weeks of age, learned to hit your toys at three months of age, laughed at four months, rolled over at seven months, sat by yourself at eight months, said your first word at ten months, and crawled/pulled up/cruised/began climbing at eleven months.
Yet the biggest lesson you've taught me is that none of that really matters, and it's not a scorecard. What matters is that you're healthy, happy, and learning something new every day. And you're here today, which is all I can really ask for.
So much has changed in just one year. One year ago, you were in the NICU and daddy and I were trying to wrap our heads around your existence in this world. I was waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of an alarm so I could pump a few drops of milk for you. Things changed gradually, but significantly. I started working in a new location, we bought a bigger house (you're an expensive kid, don't ever forget that), I got promoted... very little of our lives are the same as they were a year ago.
I still think about the days when I worried I'd never sit in a dark room while rocking my child to sleep, or plan a first birthday party. I don't take these tender days for granted. I want nothing more than a million more days like today, even if it means that I go to bed with frayed nerves because you didn't want to go to sleep. I forgive you, I promise :)
I always try to imagine what you'll look like and how you'll act when you're another year older, but it's so difficult to picture it. I'm almost certain you'll still be a hot-headed little spitfire because I don't think that's a trait that's easily lost. I think you'll be a funny little kid who doesn't like to be told 'no' and still enjoys music more than anything. It looks like you'll still have blue eyes and probably some dirty blond hair with a smidge of red in it. I bet you'll hate wearing hair bows or having your hair done at all. You'll still be a picky eater but hopefully a good sleeper *fingers crossed* And I'm really holding out hope that you'll like to cuddle, because I really want to cuddle with you and you just won't let me!
So here's to the next 525,600 minutes of our lives. I hope they're filled with happiness, love, adventure, learning, and excitement. May we look back on today and see how far we've all come and be grateful for every last thing we have.
To my dear, sweet, beautiful miracle of a child: I love you more than you'll ever know.
I'm writing this in a bit of a fog, because you decided to prolong your bedtime by about two hours and now I'm a little worn out. So, thanks for that. :)
It's been one year since you came flying into this world and made me a mother. In this short year, you've challenged me like I've never been before, deprived me of sleep, soaked me in every god-awful bodily fluid possible, and filled my heart with a kind of love I never knew existed. Yes, my sweet little princess, I wouldn't trade the vomit-soaked shirts for anything else in the world.
You smiled at about six weeks of age, learned to hit your toys at three months of age, laughed at four months, rolled over at seven months, sat by yourself at eight months, said your first word at ten months, and crawled/pulled up/cruised/began climbing at eleven months.
Yet the biggest lesson you've taught me is that none of that really matters, and it's not a scorecard. What matters is that you're healthy, happy, and learning something new every day. And you're here today, which is all I can really ask for.
So much has changed in just one year. One year ago, you were in the NICU and daddy and I were trying to wrap our heads around your existence in this world. I was waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of an alarm so I could pump a few drops of milk for you. Things changed gradually, but significantly. I started working in a new location, we bought a bigger house (you're an expensive kid, don't ever forget that), I got promoted... very little of our lives are the same as they were a year ago.
I still think about the days when I worried I'd never sit in a dark room while rocking my child to sleep, or plan a first birthday party. I don't take these tender days for granted. I want nothing more than a million more days like today, even if it means that I go to bed with frayed nerves because you didn't want to go to sleep. I forgive you, I promise :)
I always try to imagine what you'll look like and how you'll act when you're another year older, but it's so difficult to picture it. I'm almost certain you'll still be a hot-headed little spitfire because I don't think that's a trait that's easily lost. I think you'll be a funny little kid who doesn't like to be told 'no' and still enjoys music more than anything. It looks like you'll still have blue eyes and probably some dirty blond hair with a smidge of red in it. I bet you'll hate wearing hair bows or having your hair done at all. You'll still be a picky eater but hopefully a good sleeper *fingers crossed* And I'm really holding out hope that you'll like to cuddle, because I really want to cuddle with you and you just won't let me!
So here's to the next 525,600 minutes of our lives. I hope they're filled with happiness, love, adventure, learning, and excitement. May we look back on today and see how far we've all come and be grateful for every last thing we have.
To my dear, sweet, beautiful miracle of a child: I love you more than you'll ever know.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Babies are Like Angry Drunk People
It's about 9:45pm on a Sunday night. Day two of my "staycation." And so far, I've been splattered with pureed green beans and pureed beef, soaked with bath water that likely had pee in it, smudged with poo during an icky diaper change, and slapped multiple times with a fat little hand saturated with baby spit. So, yea... today wasn't really that bad.
Let's just get right down to it... shall we?
Food: (I like how I pretend to have some kind of format for my posts lately...)
*hides face* *slowly raises a pathetic white flag and waves it around shamefully*
I'm at a complete and total loss. Still. I can't get this kid to eat table food other than Cheerios, toast, and bananas. She'll eat almost any pureed fruit and some pureed veggies, especially anything with sweet potatoes in it. Otherwise, it's a no-go. I tried giving her some steamed sweet peas tonight, and when I popped one in her mouth, she gave me this look as if to say "really, mom?" and spit it out. Then refused to let anything else pass her lips. Ugh. I tried giving her a hard-boiled egg yesterday morning and she had some of the yoke, but gagged a little and refused more. Even with the Cheerios and toast, she still doesn't eat a whole lot (and ends up feeding the majority of what's on her tray to the dog) and most of her food is still baby purees and cereal. So if anyone has any advice on how the heck to get an overly gaggy, very picky and STUBBORN baby to transition to table foods and textures, I'm all ears. Or eyes, if you write it to me.
Sleep: Well... things had been going very well until tonight. She entered into a sleep regression at about 11 months of age when she learned how to sit herself up on her own. She only ended up night waking for a handful of nights and was eventually able to get herself back to sleep with little fussing in the wee hours of the morning. My solution at bedtime was to start rocking her to sleep again- she had pretty much refused to let me do that for a while, so I would plop her into her crib after her bottle and she would happily put herself to sleep. So when the regression hit, I started putting her in her crib when she was fully asleep, and it worked like a charm. I also didn't mind doing it anyways, because I love holding her and spending that time with her. But I decided that I'd try to start weaning her from the nighttime rocking by slowly decreasing the amount of time I rock her after she's asleep, leading up to putting her in bed before she's asleep. I planned to try doing that slowly throughout the week (since I have the week off from work), but she wasn't really interested in going to sleep in my arms tonight- consequently, that is the LAST TIME I'm giving her fruit for dinner. Rookie mom mistake. So I put her in her crib while she was fully awake but sleepy, and she sat herself up as I expected. As I left her room, she started to whine and eventually began crying. I watched her on the monitor to see if she'd settle down, but she pulled herself up to standing and her crying escalated, so I went in to soothe her. She still wasn't interested in sleeping, and much preferred trying to pull my face off, rip out my hair, and repeatedly slap my chest, in between playing with her own foot and telling me some kind of bedtime story that I didn't quite understand. So I put her in her crib again, and the whining began the instant her little bum touched the mattress. I sat on the floor, hoping it would keep her calm enough that she'd put herself to sleep. It kept her calm, but sleep was out of the question. Instead, she partied- laughing, squealing, pulling up to standing, bouncing, and babbling like a drunken fool. I left the room, and the crying started. No, not crying... more like wailing. And then the worst thing happened...
In the midst of the wailing, she started saying "mama." She has never said it before, with the exception of some random and meaningless babbling. There are no words to describe the ache I felt in my heart when I heard my little angel crying hysterically and saying "mama" repeatedly. I did smile a bit and laugh to myself, realizing that my stubborn little independent firecracker of a kid said my name for the first time ever when she was desperate for me to come get her. Well played, child. In all seriousness, though, I finally felt like she realized that she needs me and wanted me to be with her. For the first eleven months of her life, she seemed to think she was pretty self-sufficient. Needless to say, I marched back into her room and rocked her until she fell asleep in my arms.
Unfortunately, the story doesn't end there. She somehow woke up about five minutes after I put her down and pulled herself up again, while crying and saying "mama." This time, I could tell she was exhausted, so I let her fuss herself to sleep... but I did feel pretty bad about it :(
Development: Crazy Baby took off like a rocket over the last month... within three weeks of crawling for the first time, she was pulling up on furniture, climbing on top of the laundry basket, and cruising around on furniture/the pack n play. She takes some drunk steps if you hold her arms but she has zero interest in walking since crawling is so novel to her still. She mimics really well too- tonight, she learned how to take a deep breath and scrunch up her nose. She can also just take in a deep breath through her nose if you do it first, then laughs afterwards. If you say "yay" she claps, say "no" and she shakes her head, and can click her tongue on the top of her palette if you do it first. She discovered her tongue in the mirror and likes sticking it out while watching herself do so. She still says "puppy" and now, apparently, "mama." I think she may also try to say "bottle," which, of course, comes out as "ba-ba." The thing that kills me about her poor eating habits is that she is fully capable of eating like a big girl- we have these "waffle wheel" snacks made by Gerber and she actually likes them (they're sweet, go figure. We give them to her after some of her meals because the're big and I figured they'd help her learn to take bites out of things. No big deal- she took to it right away. Her motor skills are just fine for eating like a toddler- she can pick up small pieces and bite off pieces of larger things. Hmph.
Big girl stuff: Remember how I was so terrified of SIDS that I thought if I breathed wrong, something bad would happen? I'm finally relaxing because she's definitely old enough and far enough along with her development that I think she'll be ok. But I don't regret for a single second my choice to stick to the SIDS recommendations. Up until now, she NEVER slept with anything soft- no soft or fluffy blankets, no blankets at all aside from being swaddled, no stuffed animals, no pillows- and was always on her back on a firm mattress. The only time she slept in mommy and daddy's bed was when she was a teeny newborn and I had her sleep on my chest a couple of times when she was fussy in the morning, but only for about an hour at a time. But now, she's a big girl and rapidly approaching toddlerdom. She sleeps on her tummy by choice, but I still put her on her back at night because it's easier for me that way. She typically flips herself over at some point in the night. I just turned her mattress today so that she's sleeping on the softer side now, and we've had a lovey (which we're switching out soon) in her crib at night lately. So... goodbye, SIDS rules! :) We also had to put the carseat straps at the top notch and she's about to grow out of her infant seat and move on to the convertible kind. And she wears big-girl two-piece jammies to bed, but she's been doing that for a few months now. We also added teeth brushing to her nighttime routine.
Teeth count: FOUR! With two more coming in. There was a little break in between tooth number one and tooth number two, but three and four (her two top front teeth) came in at the same time. She handled it well... there's a pretty large gap between the top ones, so we've dubbed them the "Michael Strahan teeth."
I think she finally likes me, which is a huge development. She's been much more smiley with me over the last few days and tries to climb on me too. Maybe I just don't smell bad anymore...
Add these to the list of things I've learned the hard way:
Swim diapers are not made to work like real diapers.
Don't give your child fruit for dinner.
Things Emma loves:
Her "chubby bunny" stuffed bunny that her Grammy gave her. It's her favorite stuffed animal.
Sweet potatoes.
Fruit.
Tap dancing in the bath tub.
Baby Einstein videos.
Pulling herself up in the pack n play, then slamming her little butt down on the mattress. The harder she falls, the bigger she smiles.
Drinking the water from the shower head when I rinse her off in the bath.
Being splashed in the face with water, then licking the water off her lips.
Chasing plastic balls around the living room.
Trying to crawl fast enough to reach the dog's food and water bowls before mommy or daddy can catch her.
Slapping mommy/daddy in the face when we try to give her kisses.
Biting mommy.
Things Emma hates:
Everything else.
As expected, I've been feeling a little emotional as we approach Emma's first birthday. On one hand, I'm so beyond thrilled that we've made it this far and that she's such a healthy, albeit stubborn, little girl. On the other hand, I still feel incredibly sad when I see the little scars all over her arms and legs from being in the NICU. We've all come so far in just one year... but we're all alive, happy, and healthy. That's all that matters in the end, no matter how we got here.
Let's just get right down to it... shall we?
Food: (I like how I pretend to have some kind of format for my posts lately...)
*hides face* *slowly raises a pathetic white flag and waves it around shamefully*
I'm at a complete and total loss. Still. I can't get this kid to eat table food other than Cheerios, toast, and bananas. She'll eat almost any pureed fruit and some pureed veggies, especially anything with sweet potatoes in it. Otherwise, it's a no-go. I tried giving her some steamed sweet peas tonight, and when I popped one in her mouth, she gave me this look as if to say "really, mom?" and spit it out. Then refused to let anything else pass her lips. Ugh. I tried giving her a hard-boiled egg yesterday morning and she had some of the yoke, but gagged a little and refused more. Even with the Cheerios and toast, she still doesn't eat a whole lot (and ends up feeding the majority of what's on her tray to the dog) and most of her food is still baby purees and cereal. So if anyone has any advice on how the heck to get an overly gaggy, very picky and STUBBORN baby to transition to table foods and textures, I'm all ears. Or eyes, if you write it to me.
Sleep: Well... things had been going very well until tonight. She entered into a sleep regression at about 11 months of age when she learned how to sit herself up on her own. She only ended up night waking for a handful of nights and was eventually able to get herself back to sleep with little fussing in the wee hours of the morning. My solution at bedtime was to start rocking her to sleep again- she had pretty much refused to let me do that for a while, so I would plop her into her crib after her bottle and she would happily put herself to sleep. So when the regression hit, I started putting her in her crib when she was fully asleep, and it worked like a charm. I also didn't mind doing it anyways, because I love holding her and spending that time with her. But I decided that I'd try to start weaning her from the nighttime rocking by slowly decreasing the amount of time I rock her after she's asleep, leading up to putting her in bed before she's asleep. I planned to try doing that slowly throughout the week (since I have the week off from work), but she wasn't really interested in going to sleep in my arms tonight- consequently, that is the LAST TIME I'm giving her fruit for dinner. Rookie mom mistake. So I put her in her crib while she was fully awake but sleepy, and she sat herself up as I expected. As I left her room, she started to whine and eventually began crying. I watched her on the monitor to see if she'd settle down, but she pulled herself up to standing and her crying escalated, so I went in to soothe her. She still wasn't interested in sleeping, and much preferred trying to pull my face off, rip out my hair, and repeatedly slap my chest, in between playing with her own foot and telling me some kind of bedtime story that I didn't quite understand. So I put her in her crib again, and the whining began the instant her little bum touched the mattress. I sat on the floor, hoping it would keep her calm enough that she'd put herself to sleep. It kept her calm, but sleep was out of the question. Instead, she partied- laughing, squealing, pulling up to standing, bouncing, and babbling like a drunken fool. I left the room, and the crying started. No, not crying... more like wailing. And then the worst thing happened...
In the midst of the wailing, she started saying "mama." She has never said it before, with the exception of some random and meaningless babbling. There are no words to describe the ache I felt in my heart when I heard my little angel crying hysterically and saying "mama" repeatedly. I did smile a bit and laugh to myself, realizing that my stubborn little independent firecracker of a kid said my name for the first time ever when she was desperate for me to come get her. Well played, child. In all seriousness, though, I finally felt like she realized that she needs me and wanted me to be with her. For the first eleven months of her life, she seemed to think she was pretty self-sufficient. Needless to say, I marched back into her room and rocked her until she fell asleep in my arms.
Unfortunately, the story doesn't end there. She somehow woke up about five minutes after I put her down and pulled herself up again, while crying and saying "mama." This time, I could tell she was exhausted, so I let her fuss herself to sleep... but I did feel pretty bad about it :(
Development: Crazy Baby took off like a rocket over the last month... within three weeks of crawling for the first time, she was pulling up on furniture, climbing on top of the laundry basket, and cruising around on furniture/the pack n play. She takes some drunk steps if you hold her arms but she has zero interest in walking since crawling is so novel to her still. She mimics really well too- tonight, she learned how to take a deep breath and scrunch up her nose. She can also just take in a deep breath through her nose if you do it first, then laughs afterwards. If you say "yay" she claps, say "no" and she shakes her head, and can click her tongue on the top of her palette if you do it first. She discovered her tongue in the mirror and likes sticking it out while watching herself do so. She still says "puppy" and now, apparently, "mama." I think she may also try to say "bottle," which, of course, comes out as "ba-ba." The thing that kills me about her poor eating habits is that she is fully capable of eating like a big girl- we have these "waffle wheel" snacks made by Gerber and she actually likes them (they're sweet, go figure. We give them to her after some of her meals because the're big and I figured they'd help her learn to take bites out of things. No big deal- she took to it right away. Her motor skills are just fine for eating like a toddler- she can pick up small pieces and bite off pieces of larger things. Hmph.
Big girl stuff: Remember how I was so terrified of SIDS that I thought if I breathed wrong, something bad would happen? I'm finally relaxing because she's definitely old enough and far enough along with her development that I think she'll be ok. But I don't regret for a single second my choice to stick to the SIDS recommendations. Up until now, she NEVER slept with anything soft- no soft or fluffy blankets, no blankets at all aside from being swaddled, no stuffed animals, no pillows- and was always on her back on a firm mattress. The only time she slept in mommy and daddy's bed was when she was a teeny newborn and I had her sleep on my chest a couple of times when she was fussy in the morning, but only for about an hour at a time. But now, she's a big girl and rapidly approaching toddlerdom. She sleeps on her tummy by choice, but I still put her on her back at night because it's easier for me that way. She typically flips herself over at some point in the night. I just turned her mattress today so that she's sleeping on the softer side now, and we've had a lovey (which we're switching out soon) in her crib at night lately. So... goodbye, SIDS rules! :) We also had to put the carseat straps at the top notch and she's about to grow out of her infant seat and move on to the convertible kind. And she wears big-girl two-piece jammies to bed, but she's been doing that for a few months now. We also added teeth brushing to her nighttime routine.
Teeth count: FOUR! With two more coming in. There was a little break in between tooth number one and tooth number two, but three and four (her two top front teeth) came in at the same time. She handled it well... there's a pretty large gap between the top ones, so we've dubbed them the "Michael Strahan teeth."
I think she finally likes me, which is a huge development. She's been much more smiley with me over the last few days and tries to climb on me too. Maybe I just don't smell bad anymore...
Add these to the list of things I've learned the hard way:
Swim diapers are not made to work like real diapers.
Don't give your child fruit for dinner.
Things Emma loves:
Her "chubby bunny" stuffed bunny that her Grammy gave her. It's her favorite stuffed animal.
Sweet potatoes.
Fruit.
Tap dancing in the bath tub.
Baby Einstein videos.
Pulling herself up in the pack n play, then slamming her little butt down on the mattress. The harder she falls, the bigger she smiles.
Drinking the water from the shower head when I rinse her off in the bath.
Being splashed in the face with water, then licking the water off her lips.
Chasing plastic balls around the living room.
Trying to crawl fast enough to reach the dog's food and water bowls before mommy or daddy can catch her.
Slapping mommy/daddy in the face when we try to give her kisses.
Biting mommy.
Things Emma hates:
Everything else.
As expected, I've been feeling a little emotional as we approach Emma's first birthday. On one hand, I'm so beyond thrilled that we've made it this far and that she's such a healthy, albeit stubborn, little girl. On the other hand, I still feel incredibly sad when I see the little scars all over her arms and legs from being in the NICU. We've all come so far in just one year... but we're all alive, happy, and healthy. That's all that matters in the end, no matter how we got here.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Baby on the Move
Ah, Father's Day. A day to celebrate 50% of the reason we each exist... typically with some sort of tongue-in-cheek card that says "thanks, Dad, for not killing me when I was a kid" in not as many words.
But for me, I'm going to choose another route- giving a big public shout-out to the two men in my life that have helped make me who I am today. And probably embarrassing them in the process, because I'm good at doing that.
Starting with... my own dad. I certainly wouldn't be where I am today without him. My dad has always been my rock, my guidance, and my biggest cheerleader. He taught me the importance of hard work, determination, and never giving up and is the main reason I've never been a quitter. I used to roll my eyes when he'd dole out life lessons via stories about his employees at work, yet I always remembered those lessons and stories in the end. Behind the eye rolling, I knew he was telling me those things because he wanted me to be successful as an adult. I always liked to make him proud of me (and still do)- I think if you work hard at anything- especially parenting- you should be able to take some pride in the end result, am I right? I also remember lying in bed, crying my eyes out because of the cruel world that so strongly hates preteen girls (what I get to look forward to with my own daughter some day) and having my dad kneel beside my bed and listen to my whining. Looking back, I realize that he put aside his only free time to be there for me when I needed him the most. I'm sure he was exhausted from working long hours but he never let on to that, and it's those gestures that stuck with me and made me feel important and loved. So, Dad- I love you more than words can express and thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for every single thing you've ever done. And every single thing you've ever taught me. And for always believing in me and pushing me to be the best I can be.
And then there's hubby... this year is his first "real" father's day. I knew he'd be a good father to our child, but had no idea how easily he'd take to his new role. Seeing how strongly and deeply he loves our little girl makes my heart feel like it's going to explode into a million awesome pieces. I'm so happy that Emma gets to have a great role model in her life, just like I did- my dad always treated my mom with respect and modeled for me how a man is supposed to treat a woman. And Emma will grow up in the same way, and I couldn't be happier about that. She'll get to be daddy's little girl forever... she loves him so much, and so do I. We're both very lucky girls... she's the only one who gets to call him daddy, and I'm the only one who gets to call him my husband. :)
Ok, enough with the cheese. On to the cheeseball.
My life is over. It's been a great ride so far, but it's over now... because my crazy baby can crawl. As if it wasn't scary enough that she can crawl, she also doesn't have enough sense to know that she can't pull herself up to standing on certain objects like... I don't know... walls. Wicker baskets. The blanket hanging off the side of the bed. Silly baby...
This whole thing started yesterday when she was able to crawl forward about half of a body length before her "stanky leg," as we call it, would get in the way. She's so good at getting herself up to sitting by straightening out one leg and using it for leverage, that her leg automatically straightens while she's trying to crawl and thrusts her into a sitting position against her wishes. Thus, the stanky leg. I was on the house phone (yep, I am one of the few people my age with a house phone. And it's cordless too, because I'm cool like that) this evening and knew the crazy baby would want to play with it, so I put it on the floor way out of her reach- maybe about 3 feet away. And wouldn't you know it, she crawled right after it. And because I was so excited about her crawling for the first time, I quickly moved the phone further out of her reach and made her crawl farther. I'm going to give her a complex if I keep doing that stuff to her ;) Anyways, I shouted to hubby to come watch our amazing mobile child, and with some coaxing, she did it again.
So there you have it: the baby can crawl. My life is over. The end.
Other developments:
Pulling herself to standing in her pack n play. That started earlier this week... on Thursday (6/13) I think.
Some serious baby gibberish. It's far beyond babbling, as she's using inflection now and narrates her whole day. Sometimes I swear she's telling me a story, yelling at me in disgust, or asking me questions.
Taking steps! Her little feet are finally lifting up while she's standing and she's on her way to cruising on furniture, once she gets her sea legs.
Playing games. She'll hold out the strap of her changing pad so that her daddy can pretend to chomp on it, then she'll giggle and hold it out for him again.
Sharing. Awwwww... she offers to share her food sometimes. She'll hold it out in her hand and wait for you to pretend to eat it. Except her rice rusks (formerly "death cookies" but now she can eat them just fine) because she wouldn't share those with the Pope. Mostly because she's a baby and she doesn't know who the Pope is.
Stacking- definitely her most advanced skill. She has these little bowls that stack, snap together, etc. and there are tons of things you can do with them. They're in all different colors and graduated sizes, and she has enjoyed playing with them in different capacities as she's gotten older. Now, she'll take a bowl and stack it inside another one, then pick those two up and try to stack them in another bowl. She still looks drunk while she's doing it, though.
Sleep: I thought I was done-zo this week. She had been sleeping like such a champ for months and I was fully used to getting a good night's sleep every night and then BAM. Sleep regression. I remembered reading about how babies have sleep difficulties when they reach big milestones, like sitting up, because they like to practice their new skills all day and night. But I had no idea that it actually translates into screaming bedtime baby and night waking. And it couldn't have come at much worse of a time, either. Luckily, she has only had two nights of night-waking and a handful of nights of not wanting to go to bed. She would flip herself onto her tummy, sit herself up, then try to pull herself up on the side of her crib. When that didn't work, she'd get frustrated and cry. I'd put her on her back, and she'd repeat the whole thing. One night, I finally had to just stick my hand in the crib for her to play with (her lovey lost it's pizzazz, apparently) until she was sleepy enough for me to sneak out without her having a fit. Sheesh. After that night, we haven't had any more issues, but as always, that's subject to change.
Night two of night-wakings, though, was one of those "I-learned-that-the-hard-way" types of nights. I tend to learn things the hard way pretty frequently. This week's lesson: don't check on the baby in the middle of the night unless you really think something is wrong. She woke up and I heard her grunting, so I checked the monitor and saw that she was on her tummy. I gave her a few minutes and the grunting subsided, but I couldn't see her because the crib rail was blocking my view of her from the monitor. I could, however, see her arm and her hand and it appeared that she had fallen back asleep on her tummy. So I went to check on her, because she hasn't slept on her tummy since she was on the heart monitor and I am still a nut case about SIDS. Of course her bedroom door made a bunch of noise when I started opening it. So I stood there for a few moments, then peeked in and saw her lying on her tummy. I crept over to her crib, where I could see that her eyes were clearly open and quickly learned that she has really good peripheral vision. She picked up her head, and I backed out of her room, hoping she'd think I was a figment of her baby imagination. Nope. She proceeded to get really pissed so I had to make up a bottle and get her back into bed. Ugh.
That was really the difficult part of the whole thing- she would get really upset and start crying, but holding her didn't soothe her and only got her more awake. So bottle and rocking is the only way to get her back into bed, and I was hoping I wasn't setting up a bad habit. But she's done well since then, so we'll see what happens.
A lot has changed over the last two weeks- we had to move the baby monitor camera up onto the wall from it's former spot on the crib rail. We took her to the zoo last weekend and she adamantly refused to nap after we got back in the afternoon. She sat herself up in the crib and saw the camera. All I saw on the monitor was a big, close-up baby face, a fat hand, and then the carpet. She knocked the camera down twice before I wised up and moved it, but then we couldn't see her. So we hung it on the wall, where it has stayed. She's also now napping for 1.5 hour increments twice a day, which is a half hour shorter per nap than how she had been napping about two weeks ago. That actually happened quite suddenly.
Food: Still my biggest source of confusion and frustration. She eats baby puffs like a champ and is still really picky about her baby food/purees. She would eat yogurt all day every day if I'd let her. And anything mildly thick, lumpy, or textured makes her instantly gag and turn away her head. We've tried Cheerios, but those make her gag too. I can thicken her purees with cereal and she does fine with that, but anything else is a big fat no. *sigh* anyone have tips for a seriously gaggy baby? I don't want to battle a food aversion! And I'm tired of wasting so much baby food, and don't have the time or energy to make my own.
She still initiates kisses and it's the darned cutest thing ever. I caught her asking for kisses from the puppy today, too... for such an independent, non-snuggly child, she certainly loves kisses. Funny... mommy loves kisses too ;)
So one year ago today, I was in the hospital. Yep- it's been an entire year since my life changed so dramatically. I went to the doctor one day, and came home four weeks later as a mom with no baby in my arms. And here I am a year later- new house, new job, and a cheesy goober of a baby that is kind of a jerk to me at times. Ok... most of the time. She bites, slaps, kicks, and goobers all over me all day long. It's ok, though. I'll get her back some day!
But for me, I'm going to choose another route- giving a big public shout-out to the two men in my life that have helped make me who I am today. And probably embarrassing them in the process, because I'm good at doing that.
Starting with... my own dad. I certainly wouldn't be where I am today without him. My dad has always been my rock, my guidance, and my biggest cheerleader. He taught me the importance of hard work, determination, and never giving up and is the main reason I've never been a quitter. I used to roll my eyes when he'd dole out life lessons via stories about his employees at work, yet I always remembered those lessons and stories in the end. Behind the eye rolling, I knew he was telling me those things because he wanted me to be successful as an adult. I always liked to make him proud of me (and still do)- I think if you work hard at anything- especially parenting- you should be able to take some pride in the end result, am I right? I also remember lying in bed, crying my eyes out because of the cruel world that so strongly hates preteen girls (what I get to look forward to with my own daughter some day) and having my dad kneel beside my bed and listen to my whining. Looking back, I realize that he put aside his only free time to be there for me when I needed him the most. I'm sure he was exhausted from working long hours but he never let on to that, and it's those gestures that stuck with me and made me feel important and loved. So, Dad- I love you more than words can express and thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for every single thing you've ever done. And every single thing you've ever taught me. And for always believing in me and pushing me to be the best I can be.
And then there's hubby... this year is his first "real" father's day. I knew he'd be a good father to our child, but had no idea how easily he'd take to his new role. Seeing how strongly and deeply he loves our little girl makes my heart feel like it's going to explode into a million awesome pieces. I'm so happy that Emma gets to have a great role model in her life, just like I did- my dad always treated my mom with respect and modeled for me how a man is supposed to treat a woman. And Emma will grow up in the same way, and I couldn't be happier about that. She'll get to be daddy's little girl forever... she loves him so much, and so do I. We're both very lucky girls... she's the only one who gets to call him daddy, and I'm the only one who gets to call him my husband. :)
Ok, enough with the cheese. On to the cheeseball.
My life is over. It's been a great ride so far, but it's over now... because my crazy baby can crawl. As if it wasn't scary enough that she can crawl, she also doesn't have enough sense to know that she can't pull herself up to standing on certain objects like... I don't know... walls. Wicker baskets. The blanket hanging off the side of the bed. Silly baby...
This whole thing started yesterday when she was able to crawl forward about half of a body length before her "stanky leg," as we call it, would get in the way. She's so good at getting herself up to sitting by straightening out one leg and using it for leverage, that her leg automatically straightens while she's trying to crawl and thrusts her into a sitting position against her wishes. Thus, the stanky leg. I was on the house phone (yep, I am one of the few people my age with a house phone. And it's cordless too, because I'm cool like that) this evening and knew the crazy baby would want to play with it, so I put it on the floor way out of her reach- maybe about 3 feet away. And wouldn't you know it, she crawled right after it. And because I was so excited about her crawling for the first time, I quickly moved the phone further out of her reach and made her crawl farther. I'm going to give her a complex if I keep doing that stuff to her ;) Anyways, I shouted to hubby to come watch our amazing mobile child, and with some coaxing, she did it again.
So there you have it: the baby can crawl. My life is over. The end.
Other developments:
Pulling herself to standing in her pack n play. That started earlier this week... on Thursday (6/13) I think.
Some serious baby gibberish. It's far beyond babbling, as she's using inflection now and narrates her whole day. Sometimes I swear she's telling me a story, yelling at me in disgust, or asking me questions.
Taking steps! Her little feet are finally lifting up while she's standing and she's on her way to cruising on furniture, once she gets her sea legs.
Playing games. She'll hold out the strap of her changing pad so that her daddy can pretend to chomp on it, then she'll giggle and hold it out for him again.
Sharing. Awwwww... she offers to share her food sometimes. She'll hold it out in her hand and wait for you to pretend to eat it. Except her rice rusks (formerly "death cookies" but now she can eat them just fine) because she wouldn't share those with the Pope. Mostly because she's a baby and she doesn't know who the Pope is.
Stacking- definitely her most advanced skill. She has these little bowls that stack, snap together, etc. and there are tons of things you can do with them. They're in all different colors and graduated sizes, and she has enjoyed playing with them in different capacities as she's gotten older. Now, she'll take a bowl and stack it inside another one, then pick those two up and try to stack them in another bowl. She still looks drunk while she's doing it, though.
Sleep: I thought I was done-zo this week. She had been sleeping like such a champ for months and I was fully used to getting a good night's sleep every night and then BAM. Sleep regression. I remembered reading about how babies have sleep difficulties when they reach big milestones, like sitting up, because they like to practice their new skills all day and night. But I had no idea that it actually translates into screaming bedtime baby and night waking. And it couldn't have come at much worse of a time, either. Luckily, she has only had two nights of night-waking and a handful of nights of not wanting to go to bed. She would flip herself onto her tummy, sit herself up, then try to pull herself up on the side of her crib. When that didn't work, she'd get frustrated and cry. I'd put her on her back, and she'd repeat the whole thing. One night, I finally had to just stick my hand in the crib for her to play with (her lovey lost it's pizzazz, apparently) until she was sleepy enough for me to sneak out without her having a fit. Sheesh. After that night, we haven't had any more issues, but as always, that's subject to change.
Night two of night-wakings, though, was one of those "I-learned-that-the-hard-way" types of nights. I tend to learn things the hard way pretty frequently. This week's lesson: don't check on the baby in the middle of the night unless you really think something is wrong. She woke up and I heard her grunting, so I checked the monitor and saw that she was on her tummy. I gave her a few minutes and the grunting subsided, but I couldn't see her because the crib rail was blocking my view of her from the monitor. I could, however, see her arm and her hand and it appeared that she had fallen back asleep on her tummy. So I went to check on her, because she hasn't slept on her tummy since she was on the heart monitor and I am still a nut case about SIDS. Of course her bedroom door made a bunch of noise when I started opening it. So I stood there for a few moments, then peeked in and saw her lying on her tummy. I crept over to her crib, where I could see that her eyes were clearly open and quickly learned that she has really good peripheral vision. She picked up her head, and I backed out of her room, hoping she'd think I was a figment of her baby imagination. Nope. She proceeded to get really pissed so I had to make up a bottle and get her back into bed. Ugh.
That was really the difficult part of the whole thing- she would get really upset and start crying, but holding her didn't soothe her and only got her more awake. So bottle and rocking is the only way to get her back into bed, and I was hoping I wasn't setting up a bad habit. But she's done well since then, so we'll see what happens.
A lot has changed over the last two weeks- we had to move the baby monitor camera up onto the wall from it's former spot on the crib rail. We took her to the zoo last weekend and she adamantly refused to nap after we got back in the afternoon. She sat herself up in the crib and saw the camera. All I saw on the monitor was a big, close-up baby face, a fat hand, and then the carpet. She knocked the camera down twice before I wised up and moved it, but then we couldn't see her. So we hung it on the wall, where it has stayed. She's also now napping for 1.5 hour increments twice a day, which is a half hour shorter per nap than how she had been napping about two weeks ago. That actually happened quite suddenly.
Food: Still my biggest source of confusion and frustration. She eats baby puffs like a champ and is still really picky about her baby food/purees. She would eat yogurt all day every day if I'd let her. And anything mildly thick, lumpy, or textured makes her instantly gag and turn away her head. We've tried Cheerios, but those make her gag too. I can thicken her purees with cereal and she does fine with that, but anything else is a big fat no. *sigh* anyone have tips for a seriously gaggy baby? I don't want to battle a food aversion! And I'm tired of wasting so much baby food, and don't have the time or energy to make my own.
She still initiates kisses and it's the darned cutest thing ever. I caught her asking for kisses from the puppy today, too... for such an independent, non-snuggly child, she certainly loves kisses. Funny... mommy loves kisses too ;)
So one year ago today, I was in the hospital. Yep- it's been an entire year since my life changed so dramatically. I went to the doctor one day, and came home four weeks later as a mom with no baby in my arms. And here I am a year later- new house, new job, and a cheesy goober of a baby that is kind of a jerk to me at times. Ok... most of the time. She bites, slaps, kicks, and goobers all over me all day long. It's ok, though. I'll get her back some day!
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Yogi Monster
So here I was thinking it had been a few weeks since my last post... yet Blogger.com just let me know that it's been nearly an entire month. YIKES! So much has happened... where to begin?
Mother's Day! That's a good place to start... Mother's Day was a sensitive subject to me for a little bit. Specifically, Mother's Day 2011 was just downright awful. I had been diagnosed as infertile about two months prior and had three failed cycles of fertility meds- and by "failed," I mean "didn't even come close to working." Add in a baby shower and a Facebook pregnancy announcement and I ended up a sobbing mess in bed that night at the thought of my dreams of motherhood being nothing more than just dreams. Ya... it was that kind of day. So Mother's Day 2013 was my redemption (although last year was pretty awesome too since I was still blissfully pregnant and feeling little flutters and kicks in my cute little belly). It started at about 3am, when my little tater woke up crying. I gave her a minute to see if she'd calm down, but nope. So I went into her room to rescue her leg, because certainly her crib had eaten her again, but I was wrong again. She was lying there on her back with the soles of her feet together in a perfect reclined butterfly pose, for those of you yoga fans out there. She cheesed at me as I slowly backed away from her crib and out of her room, and shut her door just in time for the crying to start again. I gave her another few minutes, but she kept getting more worked up and I surrendered to the thought that this was the beginning of the return of night-wakings. I stumbled into the kitchen- a ritual not too far removed from my memory- to make a bottle and just as I started shaking it, things got very quiet. I looked at the monitor, and that little goober of a baby was falling back asleep. Ugh. I put the bottle in the fridge and turned around to notice a photo frame on the counter with one of Emma's newborn photos in it and a card with "mommy" written on it. I decided that hubby clearly intended for me to open the card in the morning, so I faceplanted into bed and slept until the baby woke up. At which point, hubby jumped out of bed and told me to sleep in. Which I somewhat did, but mostly just relaxed in bed. When I got up, hubby announced that he hadn't made coffee because we were going to Dunkin Donuts. I opened my card, which was incredibly sweet, and admired my new framed photo of my boo-boo. Hubby then let me know that Emma had written me a card too, but she left it in her crib this morning. So I walked into her room, and on the corner of her mattress was a card from my sweet little baby girl. Written in it was a little note stating that Emma had a present for me in the office. I wiped away the tears that were forming in my eyes and went into the office, where a box was sitting on the couch that said "to mommy, love Emma." In it was a necklace with a ruby (Emma's birthstone) heart and diamond angel wings. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. I cried and hugged my two loves. We then indulged in some DND and took the baby to the park... it was a lovely day and I felt so overjoyed. Finally.
Alright. Mushy stuff is done.
Sleep: Still going well! For the last week-ish, my tater has been letting me rock her to sleep before putting her into her crib, which is SO much better than letting her put herself to sleep because that was getting to be a long process at times. A process that included me going into her room and putting her on her back since she decided to roll on her tummy and get pissed off about it. She's not much of a problem solver these days. I absolutely cherish the moments of her sleeping in my arms, and if it wasn't for my own need for sleep and my bad neck, I'd hold her in my arms and stare at her face all night long. Instead, I take about ten minutes or so and study every square inch of her face, her fat little hand, her arm, her hair... sometimes I give her soft little kisses (DON'T WAKE THE BABY!) and breathe in the scent of her freshly bathed baby-soft skin. It's pure bliss. I'm trying to soak up these moments because she's growing up so quickly and I won't be able to hold her while she drifts off to sleep. Sigh.
Food: I set out on this journey into parenthood thinking I'd have a baby who would graciously eat anything and everything, especially vegetables. I ended up with a baby who is extremely finicky and picky and downright fussy at mealtime. Unless you're feeding her some Gerber macaroni and cheese with vegetables, in which case you can't feed her fast enough. She also gags at certain textures still and I'm trying to figure out how to transition this kid into a toddler diet since she's rapidly approaching her first birthday and she's still on stage 2 foods. And puffs. She's a full-blown puff addict. As someone suggested, I've tried thickening her foods with cereal and she's done phenomenally well with it, but it's only proceeded to flare up her chronic constipation again. This poor kid poops like a rabbit most weeks. Her poor little bum. Anyways, I'm keeping track of what she does like and she's eating those foods just fine, so we'll just keep on trucking along and hope that she doesn't end up being a macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets kind of toddler. She's still a yogurt fiend ("yogi-monster" as I typically say) and gladly shared my yogurt with me yesterday morning after she had finished her own breakfast.
Height/Weight: Remember how I said in my last post that she held steady at about 19.5 pounds for about a month? Yea, well she gained two pounds in about one week. And now she's been hovering around 21.5- 22 pounds for a little bit. I think she also got taller, AGAIN. She's fully in 12 month size clothes and we're starting her in size 4 diapers because the 3's are getting too snug. Someone make her stop growing!
Teeth: Still one, but tooth numero dos is starting to peek out from under those gums. She has had some fussy days lately, but has still been sleeping and napping well and chomping on everything. We bought her some flouride-free baby toothpaste and a baby toothbrush, and brushing her tooth is now her favorite part of her nighttime ritual. It's never too early for good dental hygiene, right? My dentist would be so proud.
Mobility: Still not crawling yet, but desperately trying. Within the last few days, she's started being able to stay on all fours for a bit and rock back and forth before diving onto her belly. Her preferred method of getting around is by rolling from tummy to back and back to tummy until she gets where she wants to be. I'm still in no hurry for her to begin crawling. Or walking, for that matter.
The biggest development? HER FIRST WORD. Saturday, May 25- "puppy"
Ok, fine. It was "puh-puh" but it's close enough. She was sitting on the floor and the dog came over for a visit, at which point Emma got extremely excited, squealed, and said "puh-puh" a few times. I chalked it up to coincidence (I have always referred to the dog as Emma's "puppy") and moved on with my day. But then she did it again when she saw the dog. And again. And then when I came home from work the other day, we were greeted at the door by the dog, and Emma looked down, smiled, and said "puh-puh!" She's a genius. I'm going to start filling out college applications for her soon.
I think she may also try to say "baby" but that's up for debate since it comes out "ba-ba" and she tends to say "bababababa" all day long. *shrug*
Emma's current tricks:
Wave
Clap her hands (she's been doing that for a while now)
Give kisses (now she initiates kisses which is seriously the cutest and most amazing thing I've ever experienced in my life)
dance
blow raspberries
pant like a dog (with her nose scrunched up. it's pretty adorable)
The waving is mostly at her own reflection because she's a conceited little diva like that. In fact, when she sees her reflection on anything- mirror, sliding glass door, car window, etc.- she immediately starts babbling at herself, cooing, smiling, and waving. She really needs to get over herself. Heeeeeeheeeeeee just kidding, she's cute.
Mother's Day! That's a good place to start... Mother's Day was a sensitive subject to me for a little bit. Specifically, Mother's Day 2011 was just downright awful. I had been diagnosed as infertile about two months prior and had three failed cycles of fertility meds- and by "failed," I mean "didn't even come close to working." Add in a baby shower and a Facebook pregnancy announcement and I ended up a sobbing mess in bed that night at the thought of my dreams of motherhood being nothing more than just dreams. Ya... it was that kind of day. So Mother's Day 2013 was my redemption (although last year was pretty awesome too since I was still blissfully pregnant and feeling little flutters and kicks in my cute little belly). It started at about 3am, when my little tater woke up crying. I gave her a minute to see if she'd calm down, but nope. So I went into her room to rescue her leg, because certainly her crib had eaten her again, but I was wrong again. She was lying there on her back with the soles of her feet together in a perfect reclined butterfly pose, for those of you yoga fans out there. She cheesed at me as I slowly backed away from her crib and out of her room, and shut her door just in time for the crying to start again. I gave her another few minutes, but she kept getting more worked up and I surrendered to the thought that this was the beginning of the return of night-wakings. I stumbled into the kitchen- a ritual not too far removed from my memory- to make a bottle and just as I started shaking it, things got very quiet. I looked at the monitor, and that little goober of a baby was falling back asleep. Ugh. I put the bottle in the fridge and turned around to notice a photo frame on the counter with one of Emma's newborn photos in it and a card with "mommy" written on it. I decided that hubby clearly intended for me to open the card in the morning, so I faceplanted into bed and slept until the baby woke up. At which point, hubby jumped out of bed and told me to sleep in. Which I somewhat did, but mostly just relaxed in bed. When I got up, hubby announced that he hadn't made coffee because we were going to Dunkin Donuts. I opened my card, which was incredibly sweet, and admired my new framed photo of my boo-boo. Hubby then let me know that Emma had written me a card too, but she left it in her crib this morning. So I walked into her room, and on the corner of her mattress was a card from my sweet little baby girl. Written in it was a little note stating that Emma had a present for me in the office. I wiped away the tears that were forming in my eyes and went into the office, where a box was sitting on the couch that said "to mommy, love Emma." In it was a necklace with a ruby (Emma's birthstone) heart and diamond angel wings. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. I cried and hugged my two loves. We then indulged in some DND and took the baby to the park... it was a lovely day and I felt so overjoyed. Finally.
Alright. Mushy stuff is done.
Sleep: Still going well! For the last week-ish, my tater has been letting me rock her to sleep before putting her into her crib, which is SO much better than letting her put herself to sleep because that was getting to be a long process at times. A process that included me going into her room and putting her on her back since she decided to roll on her tummy and get pissed off about it. She's not much of a problem solver these days. I absolutely cherish the moments of her sleeping in my arms, and if it wasn't for my own need for sleep and my bad neck, I'd hold her in my arms and stare at her face all night long. Instead, I take about ten minutes or so and study every square inch of her face, her fat little hand, her arm, her hair... sometimes I give her soft little kisses (DON'T WAKE THE BABY!) and breathe in the scent of her freshly bathed baby-soft skin. It's pure bliss. I'm trying to soak up these moments because she's growing up so quickly and I won't be able to hold her while she drifts off to sleep. Sigh.
Food: I set out on this journey into parenthood thinking I'd have a baby who would graciously eat anything and everything, especially vegetables. I ended up with a baby who is extremely finicky and picky and downright fussy at mealtime. Unless you're feeding her some Gerber macaroni and cheese with vegetables, in which case you can't feed her fast enough. She also gags at certain textures still and I'm trying to figure out how to transition this kid into a toddler diet since she's rapidly approaching her first birthday and she's still on stage 2 foods. And puffs. She's a full-blown puff addict. As someone suggested, I've tried thickening her foods with cereal and she's done phenomenally well with it, but it's only proceeded to flare up her chronic constipation again. This poor kid poops like a rabbit most weeks. Her poor little bum. Anyways, I'm keeping track of what she does like and she's eating those foods just fine, so we'll just keep on trucking along and hope that she doesn't end up being a macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets kind of toddler. She's still a yogurt fiend ("yogi-monster" as I typically say) and gladly shared my yogurt with me yesterday morning after she had finished her own breakfast.
Height/Weight: Remember how I said in my last post that she held steady at about 19.5 pounds for about a month? Yea, well she gained two pounds in about one week. And now she's been hovering around 21.5- 22 pounds for a little bit. I think she also got taller, AGAIN. She's fully in 12 month size clothes and we're starting her in size 4 diapers because the 3's are getting too snug. Someone make her stop growing!
Teeth: Still one, but tooth numero dos is starting to peek out from under those gums. She has had some fussy days lately, but has still been sleeping and napping well and chomping on everything. We bought her some flouride-free baby toothpaste and a baby toothbrush, and brushing her tooth is now her favorite part of her nighttime ritual. It's never too early for good dental hygiene, right? My dentist would be so proud.
Mobility: Still not crawling yet, but desperately trying. Within the last few days, she's started being able to stay on all fours for a bit and rock back and forth before diving onto her belly. Her preferred method of getting around is by rolling from tummy to back and back to tummy until she gets where she wants to be. I'm still in no hurry for her to begin crawling. Or walking, for that matter.
The biggest development? HER FIRST WORD. Saturday, May 25- "puppy"
Ok, fine. It was "puh-puh" but it's close enough. She was sitting on the floor and the dog came over for a visit, at which point Emma got extremely excited, squealed, and said "puh-puh" a few times. I chalked it up to coincidence (I have always referred to the dog as Emma's "puppy") and moved on with my day. But then she did it again when she saw the dog. And again. And then when I came home from work the other day, we were greeted at the door by the dog, and Emma looked down, smiled, and said "puh-puh!" She's a genius. I'm going to start filling out college applications for her soon.
I think she may also try to say "baby" but that's up for debate since it comes out "ba-ba" and she tends to say "bababababa" all day long. *shrug*
Emma's current tricks:
Wave
Clap her hands (she's been doing that for a while now)
Give kisses (now she initiates kisses which is seriously the cutest and most amazing thing I've ever experienced in my life)
dance
blow raspberries
pant like a dog (with her nose scrunched up. it's pretty adorable)
The waving is mostly at her own reflection because she's a conceited little diva like that. In fact, when she sees her reflection on anything- mirror, sliding glass door, car window, etc.- she immediately starts babbling at herself, cooing, smiling, and waving. She really needs to get over herself. Heeeeeeheeeeeee just kidding, she's cute.
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